Needs

I spent my morning recovering from an odd hangover from one of the rare nights I over indulge in some craptastic alcoholic beves whilst abroad.  Once I pulled myself together I dove into an old, but familiar and lovely routine.  I noshed on some fresh fruit, muesli and curd, drank some chai, cleaned my balcony, which overlooks lower Dharamkot, from the storm that swept through last night, put on some Zoe Keating, cracked a new book and occasionally glanced in the direction of the drifting clouds rolling in and out of this lovely Himalayan hillside, where I spent so much time last year.  Dharamkot and McLeod Ganj – I love you!  There is something about this place, it’s indescribable but the power of it can blindside you without warning.  Today, is no exception when I felt my heart chakra open up like a crazy beast and I was hit with a massive realization that I just couldn’t help but document.  Here goes…. I now know what I want in life!  Pretty big statement coming from anyone, right?  How often are people able to tell you exactly what they want, like REALLY want?  These are how my wants used to look:  I wanted a house - I got it.  I wanted my dream car - I got it.  I wanted beautiful girlfriends - I got them.  I wanted clinkage from regatta weekends - I got it. I wanted lots of money - I got it.  I wanted the awesome corporate ladder climbing job – I got it.  I wanted cheese cake - I got it. Those wants are easy to identify, they are tangible, something to touch, something to hold, something that’s easy to identify and explain, something you measure the success of by opening your eyes and looking at what’s in front of you and things you can write a project plan for how to obtain.  I wanted lots of that stuff and usually, I always got it and I knew how to get it and what the result would be.  As soon as I got one thing, I rarely enjoyed it and looked immediately to my next goal.  What I had was never enough and I always wanted more, bigger and better… whatever that meant.  Look what it got me... it got me to the place where all I wanted to do was empty my entire bowl of "accomplishments" and start over and for every moment to be a start over.   Holy shit have things shifted, changed and in this perpetual transitory state that is being, my “wants” have gotten… simple, or maybe more complicated, however you want to look at it.  So here goes…

My New List of Wants:

• I want to find joy in every moment
• I want to experience everything through my senses without discrimination, without a pretense of assumptions and expectations and without projection
• I want to experience the world, not simply see it, but experience it
• I want to inspire myself and others 
• I want to be healthy, patient, understanding and compassionate
• I want to continue to “feel [my] feelings with feeling” but with action and then let go
• I want to be present and nothing but present in each moment
• I want pure happiness and pure awareness
• I want to truly and unconditionally love myself and everyone else in my world and everything that takes one to get to that point (ie. establish and keep healthy boundaries, total honesty, non judgement, acceptance, etc.)
• I want to just be

That’s it.  That's not too much to ask, right? ;)  I truly believe that everything else will fall into place, all the people who will help nourish me, security, safety and logistical pieces... it will all just happen when it’s supposed to if all the “work” I do in my life is to fulfill these wants, or I'm more included to call them NEEDS.   Does that mean I sit still and wait for shit to happen?  Absolutely not but there is a fluidity to what revolves in the world when you're at ease and peace and it's not a constant struggle or a constant striving to fulfill desires.  Well, at least, I don't think there is. What does all this look like?  Fuck if I know but it’s what I want/need and I just realized when I chose to make a major life change, these were the only things I truly wanted but I didn’t understand, until now.

Travel summary from the past 2 ½ months coming soon! ;)

Mad Crazy Love n Shit!

Xxxox

Dirty