The Final Countdown!!

I’m sitting in a café watching the rain, surprise surprise, tying up any and all loose before I check into Vipassana tomorrow at around 2pm.  You know, because 10 days of not being able to speak, read, write, look at anyone, make any contact what so ever, listen to music, leave the grounds, eat dinner and really only meditating 12+ hours a day, does not exactly allow anyone to do anything else.  The days leading up to this moment have been really quite wonderful.  Many new friends have been made, I’ve done my best to live avoid the internetz and live in the moment (it’s REALLY had when it’s so readily available!) and I’ve been thinking fondly of all my friends and family who I love dearly.  I’m nervous, excited, have really no expectations, except that it’s going to be really challenging and knowing there will be times when I absolutely hate it and when I absolutely love it.  In my final time I’m going to head to Vari’s REALLY wonderful yoga class again today w/ “old” and new friends, on the way back up the hill we’re going to stop for a nice dinner at the organic place that everyone raves about and hopefully I’ll meet up w/ Melody and Cat. Below are two blog posts I wrote when I wasn’t around the internet to post.  Enjoy!

Clear mind, clear heart, open mind and open heart… here we go!

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Lone Ranger

10.August.2011

Jade left today and for the first time since I deplaned in Delhi, I’m a solo traveler.  It feels good, it feels weird, it feels like, I don’t know, how this was going to feel for a majority of my trip.  I haven’t been on the road long but I can already tell how, even surrounded by tons of people, a perpetual rotating door of new friends, one can feel really, really lonely.  I’m not there yet, at all in fact, but I know it’s a potential feeling at the months continue to slip away.  Being a rather “permanent” fixture in Dharamkot I’m familiar with pretty much everyone who works here and end up meeting many of the travelers passing through and all conversations are starting to sound the same, except when I spoke with Jade.  Here’s the general flow that goes both ways – name, where you’re from, how long you’ve been traveling, how long you’ll be traveling, how long you’ve been in and will be in India, how long you’ll be in Dharamsala, what are you doing here, what you do at home, what brought you to India, where else you’ve gone and where else you’re going, etc.  It’s like dating, which I grow tired of VERY quickly because I’m bored of having the same conversation over and over again, which is why I’d just like Awesome to land in my lap but we see how successful (more like completely failed) that plan has been, but at least a majority of travelers are happy go lucky people with interesting stories to share.  Sounding like a broken record though is the first step to getting down to the nitty gritty. 

So on that note, I’ve met some really incredible people in the past few days, even while trying to hide out a bit.  Marshall is a Brazilian man from NYC who used to work at a university doing their tech for fundraising and has decided to up and leave his job and the US, travel throughout India studying yoga and meditation and return home, after a long departure, to Brazil.  There is also an adorable couple from Spain, Carme and Enrique who have finished their first stage of University and will be moving from the small island they’ve been living to do their masters in Barcelona.  They actually invited me to go with them to Amritsar for a quick few day trip, which sounds so incredibly delightful but also a bit hectic w/in a few days of Vipassana.  I’ve opted to keep to my yoga/meditation plan and stick around and prepare myself, however that looks, for my 10 days of silent, no eye/physical contact, 14hr per day meditation. Lauren is another girl I met, who is actually currently in Vipassana and gets out tomorrow, who is from Humbolt County CA and has been traveling since she graduated college and is also on the yoga/meditation kick in India.  Speaking of which, I need to email her tonight!  OH and how could I forget, I have found the latin yogis!!  YES!  They are gorgeous of course and one in particular, Deidre, is from Chile and doing her 500RYT with Mahi in Upper Baghsu and she couldn’t speak any more highly about the man or the course.  I plan to go check out his classes and he studied with the man I plan to take my 200RYT Ashtanga Vinyasa with in September, Vijay.

Vijay is AWESOME!  He’s a really skinny, very nimble and gumby like older man who can float better than that Ricky dude from, you know, that one video on YouTube. ;)  Jade managed to find him by accident when another teacher she had arranged to train with flaked on her.  His studio is at the end of Jogiwara Road in McLeod Ganj, down some very intimidating steps, pass by the kindergarten, down more steps, down a dark alley, down even darker steps and through the door on the left.  The room smells of 30 year old sweat, is decorated by the chipped paint coming off the concrete walls, the concrete ceiling and all the wiring is exposed, the floor is covered with the thinnest, hair and lint filled carpet (in fact, I don’t even know if it’s carpet, it may just be hair and lint now) and it’s AWESOME!  There are literally NO frills in this place AT ALL, yoga is all this place exudes, as it should and Vijay has been practicing and teaching yoga for almost 4 decades and by the rhythmic flow of how he describes each body position, you can tell he’s said the same thing for just as long.  He begins each class with a chant and I can’t understand him but as Sanjay said at Yog Peeth, “feel the vibrations of the mantra” and that’s precisely what you can feel, especially during his final chant while we’re lying in savasana. His voice and accent take a bit to get used to but once you do, there is an odd appreciation you grow to have for it.  From the very first class I took of his, the evening Hatha Flow, he was flipping me shit for my hair, my earrings and only lord knows what else, I’m an easy target.  I dug him immediately and I had the most intense yoga blissed out feeling afterwards than I had, probably ever, and I knew this man was going to be my next teacher.  

                “What is that, silver?” he said, flicking my 6g earrings.

                “No, stainless steel.”

                “Oh, yuck!” he joked.  Fast forward to the next morning at my first Ashtanga Vinyasa class. “Next time I see you, I want those to be platinum, ok?”

                “Platinum?!  That’s expensive Vijay!” as I exclaim, while trying to balance on one leg while I’m gripping the foot on my other leg, extending it out to the side, “are you going to buy them for me??”

                He comes in close and whispers in my ear, “you find a store, I have some tricks and I’ll steal them for you.” 

How can you not love a man who jokes about stealing platinum 6g earrings for you?  Considering the likelihood of landing the japan travel blogging opportunity is slim, mostly because even IF we get and invite, neither Sarah nor I will be available to reply within the required amount of time, I’ll be staying in Dharamsala until about November and doing my Ashtanga Vinyasa teacher training with him, which I believe I already stated.  So my unending quest to learn as much about yoga from as many phenomenal teachers continues.  Of course, after leaving Rishikesh, Jade and I learn of 2 amazing teachers there that neither she nor I checked out while there.  A trip back to Rishikesh may be in order to spend some time studying with Usha and Kamel.  My time in India is seeming to grow exponentially by the day.  Marshall gave me some great recommendations for places to study in Kerala, I still want to go to Mysore and I may head to Goa in January to study for my 500hr with either Mahi or Vijay.  You know, my entire world is still open so who knows that the fuck I’ll end up actually doing.

Since I’m here for the long haul, it’s seeming, I started to take some steps in integrating with the local culture.  Yesterday I started taking cooking lessons from the sweetest girl named Reeta.  She’s 27, her birthday is the same as mine and has been teaching cooking at her parents’ house for the past 11 years, the last 7, by herself.  She is WONDERFUL!!  I sent Shannon some Food Masala so I wanted to get some firsthand experience at cooking some things that I can share with her.  Yesterday I made vegetable samosa, cheese momo and dahl.  It was so fun and so incredibly delicious and afterwards, I found myself just chatting with Reeta about Indian culture.  We touched on the arranged marriage aspect of their culture a bit while making dinner but after I ate, she was sharing stories of the drinking problem of the men in her life, the abuse the woman take and it was really sad.  She also said that it’s hard for her family to continue to marry off the girls because the price of gold has soared due to the economic meltdown across the west and parents can’t buy the gold required of marriage arrangement.  I had such a great time with her I scheduled my next evening’s dinner to be with her again.  Today we made malai kofta, potato parantha and vegetable pakora and again, we chatted like old friends.  I asked her if she got a chance to talk to most of the people she cooks with but exclaimed, “I don’t like talking to people.”  “Well,” I said, “you don’t seem to have a problem with talking to me.”  “That’s because I like you!”  She also called me a computer while I was cooking because I was doing so well, all while she was doing little Bollywood jigs around the tiny little kitchen. 

Her kitchen is about the size of my cubicle at the big bad monster cell phone giant, when they actually gave me a full cubicle.  There is a small fridge at the center of one wall, counter space lining the entire other side of the room and along the back, where there is also a stainless steel sink.  The place is very clean and simply stocked with everything she needs.  Clear plastic jugs filled with all sorts of spices and ingredients are stacked on the shelves by the sink and the cabinets underneath house all of the cooking tools and a basket of fresh, local vegetables.  We cook on a very simple 3 burner gas stove that she places on top of the counter and we both wriggle around the room getting from place to place, while one of us is cutting, one of us rolling dough and one of us… wait… there are only 2 of us.  During her little booty shake she exclaimed how much she loves dancing and that the only time she gets to dance is when there is a wedding in the local area.  20 days before the ceremony everyone in town is invited to go to someone’s house and they dance for hours on end to Indian techno, local tunes and the dancing continues for hours, each day leading up to the wedding.  The wedding marathon, this year, starts in October so she’s looking forward to September.  Today our discussion topic was the process she’s gone through thus far to find a husband and it sounds terrible and demoralizing, not much unlike the process anywhere else, it’s just different, actually, it’s very blunt.  After she had been talking with the last suitor – she’s had 2 – for a month, he had seen her picture, heard from others about how wonderful she was he said he didn’t want to marry her because she was too short.  The first suitor said she wasn’t educated enough for him, with her university degree and additional studies in computers.  She looked so let down by this but with an air of deflated positivity, if that’s possible, said, “that just means there is someone better out there but it’s so hard because people find out if you’ve been denied multiple times, it makes you less desirable, and I’m getting older, which doesn’t help.”  Man, if my “desirability” was based off past failures, I’d be screwed, we’d ALL be screwed!  We all go through some process of self realization after situations like that, let downs, disappointments and break ups and lord knows I’m still trying to process everything that happened with me in the past year.  With India culture though, it’s like you throw your profile out there for people to view and then get very candid feedback on why they are rejecting you and it’s always shallow, how can it not be when the most information anyone has is your age, height, weight, intelligence stats, maybe a picture and maybe, but rarely, a series of conversations.  It’s not like you can tell someone you’ve never met, “I feel like you never actively listen to me and are always waiting for the next chance you have to talk about yourself, again, and what you hate about your life.”  Nope, they get, “you’re too short.”  You can’t even do anything with that!  Tomorrow, I’m going to make dinner with her again and this time, we’re doing stuff off the menu!

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Mer Moment

13.August.2011

I can’t even begin to count the number of “Mer Moments” I’ve had today. J  I met a new amazing friend, Lindly, an older woman who is from the UK but lives in Austrailia and is teaching English to refugee/exiled Tibetans until December.  She LOVES to hike and is dying to go trekking.  She reminds me a little bit of my mom, just with a scosh of English wit and a bigger sense of adventure.  I finally made it to my first yoga class in a week and I went to Vari’s Power Hatha Flow and it was INCREDIBLE!  My new friend Lauren, who I thought was leaving for Manali after Vipassana walks in and I was excited I got to see her again!  I was dripping sweat from my knees (not uncommon because I’m a sweater) it was so wonderful!  Great flow, incredible energy from all those in the room and it was PACKED!  I walk out, beaming off an intense yoga blissed high and after 2 days of the most intense, pounding, torrential, non-stop rain I’ve ever seen in my life, it stopped.  Not only did it stop but as I’m hiking up the hill to Dharamkot the sky behind the green mountainous hillside I’m living was clear for the first time since I’ve been here!  To one side I can see a large-ish body of water in the distance and just between 2 bluffs I gaze up, stop dead in my tracks, and for the first time in my life I’m gazing at the first snow covered peaks of the Himalayas and they are INCREDIBLE!!  The sun peaked from the cloud it was behind as I was staring, mouth hanging on the ground, filled w/ the most incredible wonder and amazement that THIS is what’s been behind those clouds all this time!  It makes me want to go to Nepal and touch Everest, taste it’s snow w/ my mouth, walk all over it, maybe skip, do a happy dance and do the “powell jump” while someone takes a picture.  I think I just added another item to my list, my non-yoga adventure but ADVENTURE list!  In the hills, the streams of water, which normally look like white streams trickling down the lush, green hillside, are huge, roaring waterfalls careening over the rocks.  They are so powerful the sound is monopolizing the soundtrack for my trek back to my guest house.  At the bottom I was going to look at the time to see how long it takes me to walk up the less steep, non-shortcut way back but I forgot.  It wouldn’t have mattered, I stopped so many times just to stare w/ my mouth gaping open at how absolutely, fucking, incredibly beautiful it is – my home until November.  I wish more than anything pictures would capture what I’m seeing and even come close to doing it justice but there was no point in even trying.  The only thing that would’ve made this hike more incredible would be someone to share it with, like Mer and Em, so we could all relive that moment on the dock at Maggie’s Bluff in Magnolia… but in the Himalayan mountains. 

Ok, time to shower and head to Reeta’s for more cooking, eating and talking!  She’s not letting me pick items anymore =)  She’s whippin out big guns and having me learn stuff they don’t have on the menu.

Awww… what an amazing day.  These days leading up to Vipassana are just getting better and better and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

"I am..."

My time surrounded by familiar faces and yoga companions is coming to a close, slowly but surely, and upon Gabby preparing to leave and enter her life, the one she lived prior to embarking on this journey she and I are both on, we discussed the adjustment back to “real life.” What is “real life” though anyway? Jules and I had this discussion when we were at Yog Peeth because I suggested what we were living was not real, not in the sense of being surrounded by all of the distractions of home, whether it be work, friends, family, loves, traffic, news headlines, etc. Living in a bubble of yoga and spiritual exploration without “normal” distractions makes going inside yourself a bit easier. As Jetsunma said, the 3rd type of “laziness” was the “keeping yourself so occupied with good things you never look inside yourself,” which I find this type of laziness much easier to fall into from the comforts of Seattle, surrounded by loved ones and things to do. I chose to go ½ way across the world to find myself, or as I’ve learned, to find out who I am not, which is everything I think I am. I never thought what I was doing as trying to attain a new level of understanding, a new quality of life, to change everything about my being but while talking to gabby, and after she mentioned that, and noticing the changes, some rather drastic, physically and mentally, that’s a pretty accurate description of what’s going on. I have no idea what sort of person I’ll come out at the end. I know whatever has been happening has been intense on very subtle, sneaky levels and flattens me every once in a while but it’s also provided a stronger sense of awareness of me. The transition she’s making now is one I haven’t begun to ponder because it’s going to be so long until I see anyone from home, probably not until I actually get there because I think the chances of getting any visitors is highly unlikely. How will we be received? Will we be total aliens in a familiar shell of ourselves? In past years I would probably be very worried about this and trying not to rock any boat too drastically but this time the only thing I thought and said was, “I know I’m not going to mesh with everyone the same way I did before leaving and I just have to know those who remain in my life will accept me for me, and me for them, and I’ll have a whole new world of possibilities of people who may enter my life and I know that some people will no longer fit within the realm of what I will have become.”

I believe that, truly and honestly, and just saying it makes me emotional and teary eyed, or maybe it’s because I’m listening to Brandi Carlile while I type and she pretty much always makes me cry. I’m not emotional because there is a threat of losing connections or connections shifting, I’m emotional because I know I’m just starting to really feel how much I’ve changed and I know I’m nowhere near done and it’s overwhelming. The love and support I’ve received from my loved ones since I left, in little notes, emails, tweets, ridiculously sweet facebook messages, gives me the extra boost of additional strength to know what I’m doing is the right thing. I know and will continue to tell myself that when I get home, and along this journey and path to only god knows where, I’ll be gifted with people who are beautiful, wonderful, enriching and in the end, if there ever really is an end, I’ll have friends who love and adore me exactly as I am and will support me in the positive and constructive ways, I know that my family will be with me through whatever I do and if it’s my sisters, they will be inquisitive, open and accepting (mom is just accepting). When the time is right and I am ready, I will find a gorgeous, loving partner who cherishes me, adores and worships the ground I walk upon (in a healthy way and all reciprocated of course), which we both really deserve because we’re both going to be the most awesomest people on this planet ;) We’ll support each other’s dreams and aspirations and will help each other evolve into the best person we can each be. If I know this person or these friends now or not, I don’t know. All of you could stick around, all of you may not, I may “rise in love” (as Roshan says) with a former lover or someone else may come along. I know the universe has been telling me repeatedly (it’s actually ridiculous how blatantly obvious it’s been) that I’m to do this journey on my own right now and not get distracted by pretty girls. HA! DAMN YOU UNIVERSE!! *shakes my fist at the universe* :) I have no expectations for how things are going to unfold and I’m not scared, I’m not filled with fear, I just know and trust that whatever is supposed to happen, wherever I’m supposed to be, whomever I’m supposed to be with and whomever I’m supposed to befriend will unfold as it should. In the meantime, I will do my best to live the most honest and fulfilling life throughout the process, being true to myself and to everyone I encounter.

For those who stick around and still dig me when I get back, I love the shit out of you, for those who won’t, I still love the shit out of you! May you all be happy and well… ;) (one of the Buddhist nuns says that after every time she screams obscenities at the crazed drivers in India).

With that, I go back to winning every game of FreeCell I play. Maybe I should eat…

Nah-MAS-tee Bitches!
Xxxo
Dirty

P.S. Is it really fucking August already?! Jesus! Oh and I felt like being reflective and actual shit about India will be in the upcoming days. :) Not sure this could really be called a travel blog though, considering I’m not traveling anywhere! I just decorated my room I’m staying in! ha!

Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo Day 2 - Enlightenment or BUST!

These are the notes I took from day 2 of her teachings at Tushita Meditation Center in Dharamsala, India

July 29, 2011

Morning session

Observing the Mind

• Even though thoughts are intangible, they rule our lives
• We dress our sense of “I” in memories and cloth it in labels based on what we think we know about ourselves but the Buddha says this is the biggest delusion and it’s all because of our mind
• We do not exist the way we think we exist, we are not who we think we are, we identify with all the wrong things
• The problem is we believe our mind so we then cling to our ideas and don’t question what we think, feel, believe
• It’s not about finding out who you are, it’s about finding out who you are not
• The essence of meditation practice is to observe the mind at all times and what is observing the mind is not the conceptual mind, eventually meditation will move from the non-conceptual mind to the heart.  Allow ideas, emotions and thoughts to come and then dissolve with no attachment or identification to them – Jetsunma lived with a yogi who suggested to really observe the happenings in the mind 3x every hour to become aware.

Empathetic Joy

• Joy in the happiness of others and is the total opposite of jealousy and envy
• We rejoice in others happiness, which then doubles the happiness felt!
• We should be happy when others do good things, are striving for happiness or receive happiness
• Rejoice in your heart with no concern for yourself
• So many people focus on the pain/suffering they or others are feeling/experiencing but they feel that if they open their heart to taking on anymore suffering, it will be too overwhelming.  Empathetic joy and focusing on what good is happening and rejoicing in others happiness will combat that feeling.  There is a lot of good and beauty in this world and it’s important to focus on this.
• 4 Right Efforts:
• Eradicate any negative things in our mind stream and uproot or transform them
• Prevent negative things from happening in the future
• Cultivate and recognize the good things we have in our mind stream
• Bring more of the good things in the future
• All our efforts are to bring us back to where we never left, to our true nature
• The negative feelings/qualities are fleeting and not inherent, we are all pure and perfect by nature
• 3 Kinds of Laziness:
• Gross
• “I can’t do it”
• We keep ourselves so busy with good things that we never step back to work on ourselves – a way to avoid dealing with ourselves
• Like with all other practices, must start with ourselves first.  Be happy and appreciative of all the good influences in your life and recognize and be happy about the goodness in you.

Afternoon Session

• 2 main obstacles keeping us from a balanced mind (where the subject and object are one)
• Agitation – we try to focus and mind has a different idea where it wants to go
• To alleviate agitation, keep sessions short and firm
• It’s scary to realize how little control over the thing that rules our life the most
• The main problem in this world is we are not the masters of our own mind
• If we had loud speakers attached to our minds, wouldn’t we all want to meditate to help calm the mind and regain control of it?
• We try to do too much
• If you do anything with a distracted mind, it won’t work
• Give something simple to start to focus with, like the breath
• If mind is agitated, look at a nice landscape, eat heavier foods, keep warm
• Sinking – This is the dangerous one.  We feel relaxed but our mind is unclear and not alert so people mistake it for deeper levels of meditation but it’s not
• Goal is a mind that is quiet, peaceful, relaxed, spacious, totally vivid and bright
• If you have a sinking mind, sit up straighter, keep yourself cooler

2 mental factors

1 – mindfulness – 1 pointedness

2 – introspection – spies on the mindfulness to see how it’s doing and makes sure meditation is balanced

Impartiality

• All beings should receive our love and kindness, not just certain beings.  Apart from attachment of those near and dear and apart from animosity for those not within our circle
• Feel neither strong like/dislike for those we love/hate
• Not indifference, it’s even mindedness
• Recognize that all beings want to be happy
• Know everything people do is to make them happy.  It doesn’t mean we need to let people get away with everything bcs that may not be compassionate bcs it may cause themselves or others harm.
• Compassion isn’t always sweet and sometimes it can be rawful, it’s the intention that counts

Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo Day 1 - Change the Mind, Change the World

Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo, the first female, western ordained buddhist nun, is in Dharamkot doing a 2 day teaching and I put a pause on this weeks Iyengar course so I could attend each of the 4, 2 hour long teaching/meditations.  I told a few people I would take notes so here are the highlights that stuck with me as she was speaking.  Tushita will be posting the audio files online and I'll link to those as soon as they have them on the site.  Day 1 and I LOVED it and her!  She's quite the character and really lovely. Here is some more information on her, if you're curious.

Morning session

• Where we really live 24/7 is in our minds and we give so little attention to creating well-being where we truly reside and spend too much time focusing on the outside
• Who we are is in the mind not in the body
• We are slaves to our mind, we are not the masters, which is why we say and do what we don’t necessarily want
• The good news - the nature of our mind is completely pure, illumines and clear
• **Change the mind, change the world**
• There are 2 levels of meditation in Buddhism:
• 1^st – to remain calm and peaceful (single pointed)
• 2^nd- Vipasana – look into the deeper depths of oneself
• To gradually quiet the inner chatter, focus on the breath
• Issues that may arise are getting fascinated with the psychic events/feelings that occur and gets unfocused on everyone and just oneself
• 4 feels that are ok and positive to dwell and cultivate with others:
• Love and kindness
• Compassion
• Empathetic Joy
• Impartiality

Love and Kindness

• Love = Goodwill towards others, the wish others are happy and delight in their happiness
• The first object of wishing is oneself, not to be contradictory with always putting others as more important than oneself and always giving victory to others.  When that was originally talked of, it was not with the knowledge that people suffer inside and think negative thoughts and have low self esteem so we must be happy within ourselves first
• Give yourself love, compassion, rejoicing in the goodness of ourselves
• If we do not feel genuine love in our heart for ourselves we cannot give it to anyone else
• If you don’t believe in ourselves, who will?

Afternoon Session

• It is important to enjoy doing whatever it is you’re doing because you’ll do it well
• Dhamma should be fun and making our life light, not heavier
• Mostly, we just live on the surface of our minds and we have no idea what’s in the deeper depths of our mind
• Meditation = path of discovery
• The beauty of a journey is not in the destination but in the journey itself
• Do everything with no expectations.  The moment we try to super impose hopes and expectations, the doors close down because our ego takes over
• The thinking mind cannot meditate and cannot be present in the moment… there is no “now” because as soon as you look for the “now” it’s gone.
• Mindfulness is being present and aware of the present moment without comment
• Our breath is our gateway into the “now” because we cannot break in the past and we cannot breath in the future.
• Thoughts are not the enemy.  Our goal is not to be thoughtless, our identification with the thoughts is the problem

Compassion

• Understand the underlining dissatisfaction which is always prevalent as long as we are delusional
• As long as we remain in a state of unknowing we cannot go beyond dissatisfaction

Panic at the Disco

Is it funny that everyone in Seattle is actually counting the minutes of summer felt thus far this year and I’m chilling on my patio, immersed in thick fog rolling in and out of the hillside, it’s been pouring rain all day and I’m totally loving every bit of this?  I actually bought my first umbrella today for the first time in… uh… I don’t even know when.  It’s huge and it’s rainbow and I call it my “Big Gay Umbrella.”  Creative name isn’t it and I love it.

I’ve been in Dharamkot for 5 days and it’s been quite the experience thus far and I may be understating the fact that I love it.  Now, Dharamsala is the main town, which is about 11km from where I am on the hillside.  It’s where most of the locals live, there is the hospital, the big bank and where all business takes place.  This is not where I am.  Up what I’m assuming is a very steep hill (I don’t remember because I was passed out until we arrived), is McLeod Ganj, which is where the hub of this area rests.  It’s touristy as fuck!  The square where the roads to Dharamkot, Bhagsu and Dharamsala meet, is cluttered with the hustle and bustle of shops, restaurants, western unions, travel agents, bodegas and tourists, EVERYWHERE, tourists!  Don’t get me wrong, we are in exiled Tibetan capital of the world and there is definitely a sighting of maroon draped robes over shaven headed bodies but it’s not as prevalent as I thought it would be.  When we got here, the Dalai Lama, who resides here in Tsuglagkhang Buddhit Temple in McLeod Ganj, was visiting with Obama in the US but during my incredibly horrific hangover on Wednesday, he arrived back in Dharamsala and Aishwarya got to see him from his vehicle as he returned.  I also learned last night he will be giving a 3 day teaching seminar at the end of August/beg of September, just days after Cat and I finish our Vipasana retreat and I’m currently figuring out how to pay the group sponsoring his teaching so I can attend.  If that’s not an amazing bucket item list to cross off, I don’t know what is!  The area is catered heavily to all the people who come to begin their multi-day treks in the Himalayas so there are tons of shops with knock off North Face apparel and all the usual jewelry stores and Tibetan fabric shops.  I will say, the lack of cows and therefore, cow shit, is a nice change of pace and I don’t seem to get almost run over with every second that passes I try to walk from place to place but there are nightly dog fights outside our guest house. 

Just off the square is the road up to Dharamkot and as you ascend you can see all the buildings below draped with Buddhist prayer flags across the hillside.  The road is very narrow and for the most part, is in ruins with only a little bit of it paved and the rest is huge pot holes with exposed rock and massive chunks taken out of the path.  Along one side of the street is a mess of pipes clustered together that I’m going to assume are water pipes and they run almost the entire length of the road coming from Dharamkot.  I’ve only been down this road a few times, because as I’ve stated, I can’t stand being in shop riddled touristy places, but each time I have and take a tuktuk up the road, I’m in utter shock that it makes it up the hill.  These holes in the road must be as big as some of these things that trudge up the hill in the lowest gear possible.  The buildings in the area are all colorful, ranging from light to bright pinks, greens, yellow, blue and they are all scattered across the hillside.  As you come into Dharamkot there are 2 small roads that take you to 2 of the main parts of the town.  I have only ventured down one, the one we’re staying on. I know, I know, I need to get out more!  The street is lined with guest houses and cafés of various sorts, all serving the usual flair of Indian cuisine, Israeli, Chinese, Tibetan, Italian and of course, there has to be a tattoo parlor.  I will say, I ventured in one day to figure out what the fuck to do with these things on my back that are seeming to have no story behind them and while I won’t get the work finished here, I now have a solid vision that will properly capture the story of my past and mix with the story of my present.  Tats are not much cheaper here than in the US so I’m in no rush.

I took a few days off from writing this blog post, originally started on the 23^rd, because whilst sitting in Sanji’s Milkyway, one of our regular spots and adjacent to our guest house, it got insanely packed with hippie Israeli’s and they hot boxed the place with hash and I, needless to say, totally lost my focus on writing.  I’m currently sitting on the outside patio of the Krishna Café, which has AMAZING Tibetan momo’s, well I think anyway, I only have one other place to compare them with, and rain is trickling from the sky, clouds are sweeping in and out of the hillside and it’s just beautiful.  This place is quiet and I never see more than a few people here, since it’s up the hill a bit and away from a majority of the fan fare, which is where I’m staying.  Jade and I managed, or I should really say Jade managed, to find a really great location for us to stay.  As with all accommodations on this trip, it’s simple, a big firm foamed bed, a plastic chair, a small book shelf and a bathroom with HOT WATER!  I think I already mentioned that but I feel it necessary to mention again.  Now that I’m in a location where not all my food/accommodations are already paid I’ve decided to actually, for the first time in my life, live on a budget, which I’m allotting myself 500INR a day, which is roughly $11 a day for food and housing.  $11 a day people!  I’m living comfortably, although not luxuriously, and eating very well and that includes countless chai that I can’t seem to get enough of.  This expense I’m putting on top of whatever already planned yoga course/workshop I’ve opted to attend.

Speaking of yoga, I have taken a liking to the Iyengar course and after our first 5 days of the beginner session is complete, I’m excited to see what the next week brings.  Gabby and her friend Jonathan decided to opt out of the trek with a bunch of our other friends in Kashmir, for various reasons, and stay with us and Aishwaraya, so it’s been a yoga filled fun time with good friends.  In order to do ANYTHING else at this Iyengar facility, started by one of B.K.S. Iyengar’s long time students, you have to complete 3 5 day “beginner” courses.  Aside from the fact the sub teacher (Sharat is away teaching in Europe) had us doing 35 bow poses on the 3^rd day, I’d say beginner is quite accurate.  I’ve taken some Iyengar classes in the states and I’m going to venture to say, none of them were true Iyengar, unless you count just whipping out the use of a strap is Iyengar.  The focus on alignment is pretty intense, especially w/ the feet and extending the toes, although I hear in weeks 2 and 3 will be even more so, the poses are held for at the very least a minute, some 25 minutes, and yes, props galore are used.  We have this cute eastern European teacher, who I don’t even think told us her name. The participants were all pretty low key, excluding one creeper dude from the US who looks like he’s been to one too many Burning Man’s and is on a mission to hit on every woman in sight and these 4 older Russian woman, who not only don’t speak a lick of English but don’t pay attention to the demonstrations in class, don’t try to really do anything properly, even after one of the students translates for them, leave their cell phones on and talk incessantly.  I’m looking forward to them moving on to other things next week. J  Now for those who know me know I LOVE vigorous ANYTYHING, rowing, running, sex, yoga, drinking, inappropriate talk… you name it.  Iyengar is the complete opposite of rigorous BUT the focus I’ve been able to have on a single pose is phenomenal, I found I’ve been fucking up my triangle pose all these years AND I’ve already noticed insane increases in certain forms of flexibility with just the 5, 3hr days.  We get through *maybe* 7 poses in the course of those 3 hours and after my personal practice this morning, I did find where we’ve missed some spots and where poses lack in the series they teach.  I’ve learned quite a bit though but I’m still tossed up though on whether I want to actually dive into a 3 week intensive but I’m going to see what the universe has in store for me with that.  They have only 4 spots left and on Aug 16 I go into Vipasana meditation with Cat and at the end of that, Sarah and I find out if we’re one of the top 5 to be selected for a travel blogging position in Japan that would take me to Japan by way of Bangkok Sept 15.  I’m in no rush to try to register though and have tons of other options of things to do and I can always do another intensive at another time if I desire.  I did get my first sucking by a leech on the walk to the Himalayan Institute on my birthday, that was rad… or NOT!

The Vipasana center is right up the street from where I’m staying, which I’m getting both nervous and excited for, but right next to it is a Buddhist Meditation Center called Tushita and they have a number of activities always going like morning guided meditations, movies twice a week, guest speakers and what not, that you can attend anything by donation.  I’ve already seen 2 movies and after the last one, “Discovering Buddhism: Transforming Problems,” our group of friends had a really nice discussion with a monk afterwards on thoughts/questions it triggered, things we wanted clarification and then between us, we did a comparison with yogic/hindi philosophy/teachings.  I will say, I’m open to learn more about Buddhism but so far, I really enjoy the positivity surrounding yoga and the message of both are the same but Buddhism focuses so much on “suffering” that it’s not really resonating with me. I like thinking I am you and you are me and we’re all the same in the state of universal consciousness, we are not our bodies, our mind or our emotions, we are much deeper and much more connected than that.  It’s beautiful, this yoga stuff. J  This Thursday/Friday a Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo will be speaking and we will all be attending the second session after yoga. So many learning opportunities here it’s CRAZY!

My 31^st birthday went off with little fan fare, much unlike every other year in my adulthood.  We had plans to go on an adventure drive with Sanji, the guy who owns the café we frequent, but people got sick, people bailed and then, in a rush of Israeli trekkers, he was so swamped he couldn’t step away like he wanted.  It was 3pm and I saw my day disappearing into my room on the internet, just as so many other days and I was a moping mess.  Little did I know the wonderful surprises my new wonderful friends from Yog Peeth planned.  Prior to dinner they dragged me into Jade’s room and handed me a plate, filled with HobNobs covered in Nutella, bananas and candles!  They sang a very surprised me happy birthday and I already felt like a schmuck for being such a soggy brat all day.  We walked to the Krishna Café, where I’m typing now, and had a wonderful dinner and then they presented me w/ a sapphire necklace that an astrologer said would do all the necessary work needed!  Gabby made the knotted holder for the sapphire and jonathan made the necklace part.  It was so very sweet and thoughtful and I was shocked!  When I spoke to Sanjay’s guru he stated I’m going through some very hard times right now, which is true, I guess, but also not.  I asked about my reactionary attachment/detachment issues, I’m assuming fueled by an early abandonment by a one of the parents, and he stated I would need to buy a 7ct dark sapphire and wear it as a silver ring on my right ring finger.  Wow, thanks guru for telling me to buy a stone just shy in lavishness and expense of a diamond!  So the thoughtfulness behind the gift Gabby, Jade, Jonathan and Aishwaraya gave me was so wonderful my thanks couldn’t be put to words.  Gabby gave it to me and said, “now you don’t have to spend $15k on a sapphire or chant the Saturn mantra forever!” J So my birthday evening was rather wonderful and I learned I still need to work on holding onto expectations of “plans,” well, of everything really.  I’ve gotten pretty good at being flexible but you know, I always make a big deal of my birthday so when nothing happens, this Leo is not a happy camper but I really need to chill and enjoy what I’m doing at that very moment and understand whatever is happening is exactly as it’s supposed to happen. 

Yesterday I decided to get a post birthday massage at The Sanctuary across the street and a very attractive, calm mannered man named Anand is the aryuvedic/thai massage therapist, as well as yoga teacher, and he gave me what could potentially be the weirdest and I think most wonderfully amazing massage ever?  I’m not sure exactly how I feel about it but I will say, if I choose to actually schedule another one with him, I will feel like I’m knowingly hiring someone for 3 hours of foreplay, which I don’t do.  One time, it was a nice… I guess, surprise but a second time, I don’t think so.  Very little wasn’t covered and it wasn’t awkward at all but yeah, like I said, I’m still tossed up on how I feel about the experience. I will say I need to find a lover who knows how to massage like that though!  Jeez!

Today has been a mix of weird and off – I had night terrors about my family and another thing the guru told me a week ago, woke me from my sleep – “you are currently being betrayed by a loved one.”  That didn’t rattle me at all until my subconscious decided it wanted to freak out in the middle of the night last night.  I also had a REALLY weird release during Chakrasana where my entire front body felt this intense crazy tingly sensation.  We went to meditation and while waiting for breakfast I started feeling this terrible dread and knew, from past experience, I was on the verge of a panic attack.  It didn’t help that I was starving and all I had ingested was chai but I knew I had to jet.  I ate as quickly as possible, headed up to my room and almost burst into tears for only god knows what reason.  I used to be plagued by those a few years ago but I honestly can’t remember the last time I had one and it terrified me.  I don’t know if it’s the insane energy of being in a city filled with devout Buddhists and exiled Tibetans, all that I’m learning, all the transformations of my body and mind or really, just all of it compounded, but I needed to take a step back and just chill today.  James is my savior and helped talk me out of it by reading me headlines from US Weekly and telling me about all the wonderful things he’s doing at home and adventures he has planned.  I love him!  I had my worst one about 10 years ago (omg, 10 years ago?!) and he sat with me the entire night and helped pull me from wherever my non-physical being had gone.  I realized I hadn’t had a day to myself, really to myself, since a few weeks before I left Seattle so on his recommendation, I’m having a “Seattle Jess” day in India.  I read for a majority of it and now, I’m at a café, reading and writing, eating delicious food and sipping chai, exactly as I would do at home.  It’s wonderful and melding the life of Seattle me and India me will need to be essential to me not going crazy while I’m experiencing so much.  My almost break down today is what is making me slightly nervous for Vipasana but that’s why I came here, to dig into my deepest self and figure out who I really am and tackle all that ails and come out a better person for me and for everyone around me.  Let the real adventures begin!

The sun is peaking out for the first time since I’ve been here (although I hear it made a cameo yesterday while I was getting sensually manhandled) so I’m going to sit and stare at the view for awhile, sip my lemon, honey, ginger tea and nibble on some veggie pakora… until later…

Xxo,

Dirty

Lady Xanax - Adventures in India Travel

Written immediately after arriving in Dharamkot

19, July 2011

I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a seasoned traveler, especially if you compare me to a majority of the people I’ve met during my visits to various continents but I’m definitely not one of those too fearful or scared to uproot their normal routine in the US to not venture into the wild of the world.  I can say, in my limited travel experience I absolutely ABHORE touristy places.  Touristy places have been added to my list of 5 star resorts of places I don’t care to see whilst exploring the world and I’m glad they are there for the people who feel that is the way to travel but not me, no way, no how. 

My time in Rishikesh came to a close yesterday afternoon and while I don’t think I was fully prepared for the tearful good byes, last conversations with those I care very deeply but once the wonderful faces I came to love started to leave I felt like I couldn’t get out of Rishikesh fast enough.  The last weekend was the beginning of what used to be a huge spiritual festival for Shiva and people, predominately younger guys looking to party, sporting tiny orange shorts that hid NOTHING, and their bright orange shirts w/ Shiva’s face plastered all over them flooded our little haven of holiness.  I spoke to Sanjay on our motorbike ride to see his guru who runs and lives in a guest house just inside Lakshman Jhula and he said that the spirituality has completely disappeared and now it’s just a bunch of people coming to the city to have fun and party with their friends.  Now I wouldn’t exactly say it was like Vegas considering Rishikesh is not only alcohol free but you can’t even get a meat dish to eat but I’m sure hash was smoked by the masses.  Part of the celebration is to walk from wherever you live, grab a bunch of water from the Holy Ganga and dispense some up the mountain at the Shiva temple and take more back with you to your home, on foot.  It was MADNESS!

Seeing the guru was a different experience, which I won’t discuss here but it was a nice way to end my stay in Rishikesh and it was nice to spend some time with Sanjay because as little as we interacted, I felt drawn to him and really appreciated and enjoyed his morning asana practices.  He is a kind soul and has a wonderful smile and spoke with us all without condescension.  Jade and I gave ourselves 2 hours to get to the bus station in Rishikesh proper thinking we could just walk all our tons of shit across the Ram Jhula bridge, grab a tuktuk and be good to go.  Oh no… thanks to the festival, it was actually and very surprisingly not too crazy getting out of Ram Jhula but where there are usually hundreds of tuktuks waiting to charge westerners too much for a 2km ride, there were NONE!  We had to haul all our shit up the hill and walk another 1km or so and were welcomed by a bunch of tuktuk drivers wanting to charge the 2 of us 150INR for what would usually cost 5INR each.  Strong and angry words were spoken and finally we found a guy who would shove the two of us, and our shit, into a an already packed tuktuk w/ an adorable and very friendly little family.  One of the older woman offered to grab my “smaller” bag and hold it in her lap for me as I half sat on the already ridiculously tiny seat and half hung out the tuktuk door, gripping onto my 1ton bag for dear life so it wouldn’t fall on anyone.  Jade somehow managed to get herself and her monster back in this thing too.  If I didn’t think I’d fall out of the tuktuk into oncoming or passing traffic, I would’ve documented.  Oh and I should add, all of the tuktuk drivers tried to tell us we were wanting to go somewhere we didn’t want to go.  Haridwar, Dehardun and only god knows where else they said they were going to take us.  We had to actually yell at them as the 3-4 tuktuk drivers were around us all spouting we were wrong and needed to go elsewhere.  I yelled, “LOOK!!  THIS *pointed to my ticket* IS WHERE WE NEED TO GO! NO WHERE ELSE! Can you do that and not for 150INR!  We’re not stupid, this drive normally costs 5INR from 1km BACK!”  That’s when the one guy chuckled and said, “OH, you want to go to Shiva temple to catch the bus to Dharamsala?”  “YES!  That’s what we’ve been saying for the past 5 minutes!”

Jade and I get dropped off at a gas station and I see no Shiva Temple so we, and all our shit, are standing on the street corner looking confused and also terrified that any of the busses we see across the street are what we’re going to have to take.  The busses in India are NOTHING like the shear luxury that is Cruz del Sur in Peru.  We ask some gentleman also just chillin at the gas station if we’re in the correct place and he points to a random, unmarked waiting room that’s a tiny building on the side of a restaurant and are told it will be another out.  Jade and I meet a very sweet girl, Uma, from South Korea who came to India 5 years ago after getting her heart broken and has seemed to get stuck in various places for whatever reason… love, dance, yoga, meditation. There were a few Israeli people, one girl who was SMOKIN and after a few other sightings of the many Israeli people here, I’ve decided I need to go there. J  About 10 of us waiting in this weird little waiting room and all of a sudden a tiny Jeep comes up and the guy hops out and says, “Ok, the bus is 1km away. Come.”  He throws all our monster bags on the roof and we somehow manage to cram every inch of this car with us and all our stuff and as soon as the doors are closed he yells to the back, “100INR each!”  I’m glad to know I’m not the only one with some aggression in this place and one if the Israeli girls yells at him, “NO!  We are NOT paying you anything!  This is where we were told to go and we bought our bus ticket.  WE ARE NOT PAYING YOU!”  The driver gets out and looks flustered and we’re all about to get out, grab our shit and trudge through the crazy india traffic to get ourselves to the train until he gets back into the car, chuckles and says, “ok, let’s go. No charge.”  AH! 

We get dropped off at the back of the bus and there are a bunch of India dudes just chillin, shootin the shit and we all sit in the middle of the street or precariously on the edge of this ledge where below is a stream of the grosses looking urban sludge you could imagine.  All of a sudden a guy who we thought was in charge hops on a motorbike, says, “be back soon” and takes off.  Our bus was supposed to leave at 4, it’s now 4:30…oh india time, how I love you.  None of us know what’s going on so we do what everyone in India does best, just sits there.  About 20-30 minutes later he arrives again and we’re allowed to put our luggage into the back of the bus and board.  The buses are very simple and I’d almost like to compare them to school buses in the states but there are 2 bucket seats next to each other on either side of the aisle, they do recline and there is a small storage compartment above our heads.  This is apparently the luxury buses in India and no, I didn’t have high expectations.  I’ve come to understand the best way to enjoy your time in India is to have zero expectations at all, maybe even on the boarder of low expectations.  For $21 it wasn’t bad BUT if we want to compare countries, Cruz del Sur in Peru, Daddy and I got bus tickets from Lima to Huacachina for just over $30 for the luxury seating, which are like first class seats in planes, you get food service, there are bathrooms on the buses, as opposed to hopping off, running to the muddy, potentially shitty side of the road (you can’t tell because it’s pitch black outside) to cop a squat and do your business.  There are also movies and A/C in Peru, in India, you’re lucky to get a working fan and windows that open by your seat.  Note, this was a deluxe bus, the public bus, from what I hear, is more like a school bus.

The first part of our journey, once we finally left, was beautiful.  We left the busy hub of Rishikesh and made our way through various small towns.  The sun was setting as a HUGE deep pink orb behind the corn fields and mountains, the air was getting more crisp and less shit and exhaust filled and it was really pleasant, especially since it wasn’t fully booked and Jade and I each had our own row. Once the sun was down I decided there wasn’t much need to be conscious anymore. Thanks to the lovely over the counter medical stores in India, I popped my lady xanax and within moments I was chill as ever and a moment later, I passed out, not to wake again until the sun was rising over the Himalayas and we were only an hour from McLeod Ganj. We get to McLeod Ganj, which is upper Dharamsala where the Dalai Lama lives when he’s here and it is touristy as hell and I’m hoping to god the Iyengar center isn’t here.  It felt like Lakshman Jhula but busier and dirtier, which I didn’t think possible.  I’m still groggy from the xanax so I let Jade attempt to take the reins on where we’re going but neither of us really know and god knows it’s a crap shoot believing any Indian.  Uma thought the Himalayan Iyengar Center was in Bhagsu but upon getting a tuktuk to take us there we ask the driver and he says, ‘Oh no, it’s in Dharamkot.”  Shit, that sounds familiar and thanks to the center’s website for going down a few days ago, we didn’t have info on exactly directions but that sounded familiar.  Our tuktuk driver rolls his eyes, charges 3 times more than we were originally going to get charged but we’re off in the other direction.  Jade finds this adorable guest house that has HOT WATER and really kind manager.  We ate at the little café a few doors down and I proceeded to take my first hot shower in months… HEAVEN!  Oh AND my text messaging works in the mountains.  Yes! 

Signing out – from beautiful, non sticky Dharamkot

Xxxo

Dirty – not really J

Lessons from the Mat #3 - Universe in You

The last week has proven to be, probably, one of the most uneventful weeks of my life, unless you count doing yoga on the roof during a monsoon with my lovely friends.  Last Wednesday I got hit with the India bug, also known ass, peeing out of your ass at a moments notice and sometimes violently barfing.  It’s been so wonderful!  I thought it was all done and over with, I actually managed to attend one yoga class and did a few of my own personal practices but I dunno, maybe it was doing yoga in the midst of highly toxic rain (apparently it’s not safe to expose yourself to the rain the first few weeks of monsoon season since the air in this country is ripe will all sorts of things not right), maybe it was drinking some funky, yet deliciously alcoholic, kombucha or maybe, just maybe, it was deciding a lunch of coffee, valium, cheese naan and this ice cream wonderfulness called “Hello to the Queen” would be a phenomenal idea… oh and top that all with some retarded emotional stress I’m putting myself through.  I think it all was a recipe for disaster.  I can say, I have not felt warm water in the almost 5 weeks I’ve been here but alas, thanks to me visiting the lil ladies room about once every 5 minutes, I found out where the warm water goes - straight to my bidet attached to my toilet!  If I can’t have a hot, or even warm, shower at least my asshole is getting a blast of warm H2O every now and then with the force so strong I’m sure at times I gave myself an enema.  Don’t think I’m above contemplation of capturing some of it to throw on my body during my shower but the thought of getting water from the toilet to douse over my body was a bit too much to stomach.  I mean, I was already retching violently out of both ends, I didn’t want to make it worse.  I'm thankful I don't have a squatter in my bathroom.  I've barely been able to sit up because i'm so weak, can you imagine, my western ass w/ tight calves trying to hover over a hole in the ground on my tip toes 4 times in the middle of the night?  A fall into the unmentionable would've been inevitable.  *shivers at the thought* 

That all being said, I’ve had TONS of time laying in bed, sleeping mostly, or half gazing at my computer w/ half open eyes, but I’ve been thinking a lot too.  I’ve been reflecting on my life, where I’m going next, where I just came from, what I want out of my life, what I’m willing and not willing to sacrifice, the kinds of people I want to surround myself with, how much I could make each year at different price points for my inevitable personal training/yoga instructor future, why does the bidet get the warm water, will I ever stop peeing out of my ass?  You know… all really deep thoughts. J  It seemed a perfect time to compile the 3^rd installment of “Lessons from the Mat” although, not all were from the mat.  The bathroom is a place for deep contemplation too, right?

Lessons from the Mat #3

• There is no one God to judge us in the end.  In our true self, our consciousness, we are all God.
• You will never know the “you” that you think I am but you have always known the “you” that I am…
• To love yourself is not to change your body, it’s to change your mind.
• The whole universe exists within you.  Ask all from yourself – Rumi

Chew on those for a little while…

Xxxo

Skeletor… I mean, Dirty ;)