Misson, Monkeys and Motorbikes – Oh MY!

Commence Operation Lose the “You can’t eat THAT in India can you?!” Weight!  My not so hidden stash of Swedish Fish, frosted Animal Cookies, gummy bears and pretzels stuffed w/ peanut butter, the latter two courtesy of my lovely mom… her homemade cookies didn’t even make it to across the Pacific, are totally gone.  I ate that shit like I was going to die so umm, I may have polished off all that processed yumminess with in the first week of me being here.  Oops!  Well, at least now I can focus on really using this as a cleansing, detoxing process and fully embrace our strict yoga regimen. And yes, unless it’s dahl, potatoes or rice, chances I can eat it here, are slim.  Sue was right, India will really put into play “eat only when you’re hungry” because it’s not like I’m partaking in Seattle restaurant week and every place has a new menu of amazing deliciousness, like Tilth… guh! 

…… sorry, flash back of one hot date night.  I’m back.  

I’m just going to say this and get it over with, when they say part of yoga philosophy/nutrition is eating natural food that’s easily digestible, they are NOT kidding!  It’s not only international travel w/ good friends where everyone knows everyone’s poop schedule and status, it’s also applicable to people who were strangers just a matter of days ago.  Speaking of which, in philosophy class we learned that the final Shatkarma, which are physical cleansing processes used in Hatha yoga to prepare the body for the final 3 limbs in Astanga Yoga, not to be confused w/ Astanga Vinyasa, is Basti.  Basti is where really amazing yogis can give themselves an enema!  I don’t mean like, not needing to take a trip to the Tummy Temple but they don’t need ANYTHING.  They can suck water up into their intestine through their own rectum.  Yes, I just said “rectum” and “suck” in the same sentence without saying “feltch.”  Ooops, I just said it.  Hm, maybe I should put the “adult content” warning back on my blog.

Moving on!  So big event of the week thus far, I got attacked by a monkey!  I was getting my mat set up for class and saw some pretty gloomy looking clouds off in the horizon and my laundry drying on the roof had already been dumped on enough for one day so I ran out to head across to the other side of our roof to grab my shiz.  As I approach the second to last stair landing getting to the roof I’m met by a monkey running down from the roof to well, stop me.  From my first day’s experience and seeing Dominic getting chased by hissing monkeys when he was just trying to ignore them, passing them in the hall, I opted to not run down the wet marble stairs to risk death by embarrassment from eating shit in a slippery tumble.  I instead took the approach of all the guys who work here and I met the monkey’s scream with my own in his face.  FAILED PLAN!  That little sucker screamed and showed fang and its gangly arms reached out to grab me, it latched onto my shirt and I batted it off.  I was shocked and had NO idea what to do.  I screamed back at it again and it lunged and grabbed at me again.  From below people are yelling at me to scream at him, I can distinctively hear Dominic yelling from the yoga hall, “show him who’s boss” and at the same time, from the same place, Ulla yelling, “NO DON’T!”  I think I must have looked so confused the monkey realized I was no threat and just walked off.  I was on a mission to get my fucking laundry cuz I’ll be damned if I couldn’t have a dry towel to use for my post evening yoga shower.  The monkey slowly walked away, I followed not so closely behind, grabbed my shit as quickly as I could and RAN back towards the stairs and across the way to get back to the yoga hall.

As I’m in sitting, ready for meditation to commence Dominic looks at my arm and says, “omg, you’re bleeding!” and I say, “no I’m not!!”  When I look at my left upper arm I see 3 distinctive claw marks and proclaim, “oh sweet!!”  I was excited to have a pretty rad battle wound but Dominic talked some sense into me and we ran downstairs to douse my wound in alcohol and everyone kept asking if I needed to leave immediately to get my rabies shot.  At that moment I didn’t think I’d need to get one because it really was just a few really surface level scratches but I would investigate later, and also, I very smartly, got almost every single vaccine I would think I’d need right after I got my layoff notice from the you know… cell phone man, the 3 part, $600-$900 rabies vaccine was one of those, so I had 72 hours to act.  The adorable little aussies came to my room after class w/ their travel information from the travel doctor, as I was just uploading the monster travel document my travel doctor sent me, and stated I really needed to get the rabies shots.  So alas, that was the plan, but it could wait until the next day, until then, I took a picture. =)

Fast forward to yesterday – hospital day!  Apparently you can get vaccines just about anywhere in India.  One of the main guy’s who works here said something about the back of a house?! “What do you mean?  I just go and buy the vaccine??” “yes,” he said. “And then what?  Do I inject myself?!”  “Oh no no, you will bring it back here,” he explained. “And then what, YOU inject me?!” He laughed, “NO, we’ll have a doctor come here to inject you.”  Somehow this sounded like a great plan.  When it came to the time to do the needle deed though, he opted to have me driven to the hospital across the river in Rishikesh.  I had a pick up scheduled at 4 and when I went downstairs, I was greeted by Manne, the kid who can’t be any older than 16 who helps in the kitchen during meal times, sitting on his motorbike.  “Are you even old enough to ride this thing?!”  He just smiled, I hopped on the back and away we went! 

I believe I’ve mentioned how the driving goes in this country.  CHICKEN!  This is no difference if you’re a pedestrian on foot, on bike, truck, car, vikram, motorcycle, unicycle, pogo stick.. whatever the fuck.  Everyone plays chicken and weaves in and out of cars, cows or whatever.  I don’t even know why there are lines painted on any of the streets in India.   After we made our way through Ram Jhula, across the bridge and onto the main street it finally hit me, “oh fuck, I’m not wearing a helmet.  Wouldn’t this be great.  Die in India because a the sweet 16 year old driving me on his motorbike like a crazy bastard, like everyone else, and I get into an accident on the way to the hospital to get a rabies vaccine because I was attacked by a monkey. Only me!!”  It sounded like a hilarious way to go but I haven’t mastered or even learned the whole “don’t get attached” part of yoga philosophy so I’m still attached to my “you can’t eat that in India” body and I really want to have a gin and cucumber, sushi (you know… both kinds ;), skype w/ my mom and pass out on my lady friend’s chest to her beating heart while she twirls my hair before I’m ready to leave this earth.  I’m gripping onto his tiny little waist with the force of a vice grip, I’m sure, and after about 20 minutes of my life flashing before my eyes and a detour because he got a wee lost, we made it to the hospital. BREATHS.  We go to the reception and I tell the lady I got attacked by a monkey and need to get the rabies boosters, she has me pay her 20 rupees, just shy of $.50 for my doctor consultation.  FIFTY CENTS FOR MY DOCTOR CONSULTATION!  Are you reading this REPUBLICANS?!  No, of course not.  We go w/ my little piece of paper to door 18 and pass a bunch of really sickly looking people on the way.  The hospital waiting area is dark and dingy and from what I could tell, it’s first come first serve to get INTO the room you’ve been assigned.  A guru or swami of sorts was in the room I was assigned to so I patiently waited but as soon as he started to walk out Manne told me to hurry into the room but some tiny girl squeezed by me first… that bitch!  Just kidding. J  I waited another few minutes and then I wriggled in the room the first chance.  The doctor looked at me like I was minorly crazy, which isn’t far from the truth but also looked confused as what to do.  I showed her I had my first 3 shots in the US in July and I said I only needed 2 booster shots.  Manne and I take my paper outside to where they sell ALL their medicine and shiz and I purchase my rabies vaccine for 380 rupees, which is just $8.50 USD.  EIGHT DOLLARS AND FIFTY CENTS for a vaccine that cost about 200-300 in the US!  I wanted to bang my head into a wall thinking about how much we pay for this shit at home.  I will be getting injected with anything I can dream up while I’m here, btw.  Well maybe, let me finish my story.

Next step is to get it injected because I’ll be damned if I’m doing it myself or letting Manne.  We get into a room that has 3 nurse looking folks, two women and a dude, shooting the shit and playing with stuff, I don’t know, maybe needles.  I will say, I was put at ease that I was given a plastic wrapped needle with my rabies vaccine so my potential to get HIV while trying not to get rabies from a damn monkey was low.  They motion for me to sit on a bed at the far end of the room and I take one look at it and pretend I heard they meant the OTHER bed, the one not covered in stains of only god knows what.  “No no, that bed right there.”  Ick.  I kind of rest my ass on the metal support underneath the mattress that has been peed, bled and secreted on by only god knows how many people.  One of the ladies comes up to me w/ a needle, which I’m assuming is my rabies vaccine.  Agreement #3 from the Four Agreements, Do NOT Assume.  She motions for me to drop my pants because she needs to shoot me in the ass and I look at her confused and I say, “really?!”  “Yes, please.”  So I drop trou, which I don’t just do for anyone anymore, and she pokes me in the butt and injects me.  I get up to walk away but she motions to sit and I again make an assumption, there must be some documenting that needs to be done. There's that assuming again! Then, I see the guy opening the box WITH MY VACCINE and opening up the plastic which contains my syringe and needle. Holy fuck me!  Really?!  He comes up to me and motions for me to lift my sleeve and I ask, “wait a second, what is that?" "It's the rabies vaccine." "Um, then what did you just shoot into my butt??” “dongkshdhgd,” he said.  “WHAT?!” I exclaim. “dkjfsdofijd,” he said again, “for infections.”  !Oh fucking christ!" I think to myself.  What the hell did I just get injected with and where did THAT needle come from?!  “Ok, so WHAT are you injecting me with now?!” “Rabies vaccine.”  Ok, just do it.  I’m a little distraught but there really is nothing I could do.  It’s like that time my bestie T and I were trying to do acid one night but one hit just wasn’t enough and when we asked for more, my friend dumped a pool in our hands.  Contact was made, no turning back now.  It’s a time to just hope for the best and cross my fingers I wake the next day, or more importantly, that my butt cheeks don’t go numb so I can use them to clinch onto the motorbike for the ride home.  Within 20 minutes, Manne and I blow that pop stand.  Back on the motorbike for some more chicken!  So, needless to say, I made it, I’m alive and now I have to go back tomorrow but finding one of those basement vaccine stores and a at home doctor sounds much more appealing.  I’ll see what I can do about that for tomorrow.  As we approach the Lachman Jhula bridge we see this huge group of people piling off the bridge hurridly, a big empty space on the bridge and than more people hurrying the opposite direction.  "What's going on?" I ask Manne.  "We get closer and oh look, MONKEYS!  There are 4 monkey's jumping up and down stealing whatever they can from people on the bridge and there are probably 20 more lining the upper supports of the bridge and 3 on each of the pillars at the entry.  "OH FUCK, You're kidding me?!"  I don't watch my language around kids.  He laughs and we proceed and I can tell he's trying to get passed the monkey business as quickly as possible.  I'm happy to report I didn't get attacked again, yesterday anyway.

Speaking of high – One of the Aussie’s got this Himalayan Rock liquid stuff that’s supposed to be magical and cure you of all diseases or something.  I took a taste and it was a mix of incense, straight up coffee bean and cocaine flavor.  Definitely not delicious on any level but with just a small taste, moments later I look at Dominic, feeling all flushed and zingy, and exclaim, “omg!  I think I’m high!”  So weird.  Some more may have been ingested since then but I didn’t get any zingy feeling, maybe because I diluted it in water by chugging it like water was a reasonable chaser for something that tastes so terrible.  That stuff better be awesome for me to not make me feel high but for tasting so wretched.  More research will be done on this. J

I’ve been a perpetual sweat, grease ball since I set foot in this lovely country.  Since day one I wished I had gone to Olympus to get their loofah mitts to bring with me, but alas, I did not.  It got so bad the other day I went on a mission to find a loofah in this city and low and behold Nagee had them!  Now, everything here is pretty much natural so I get this thing home, open it up, start up my cold shower (I don’t remember what a hot shower feels like) and take a closer look at this thing.  It looks like straight up sandalwood bits wrapped all decoratively in twine of some sort.  I start to scrub like I’m caked in cement and all of a sudden I feel scraping.  At closer inspection, sticks are poking out from everywhere and I’m basically scratching all the oils off at this point with twigs.  When in rome…

I’m going to save Lessons from the Mat for another post.  I think this is enough adventure and experiences for one entry. J

Xxxo,

Dirty

You want me to shove that... WHERE?!

I’m hovering right now between being in the mood to write and, well, not.  This may take a few sit downs because right now, I’d rather read my book on my glorious Kindle.  I love you Kindle and I love Emelie for doing the hard sale on the 3G one.  

So I’ve mentioned in a few posts how the actual asana practices of my schooling has been really mellow and calming and pretty easy.  I friended Manoj, our evening practice teacher, on Facebook and I think he read my blog because he fucking kicked our asses Saturday night, with a smile no less!  I think at one point during the class he said, “this, is punishment.”  If THAT is what our asana practices will look like from here on out, not only will I be able to finally float like a cloud but be mother effin ripped by the time I leave here!  GOOD LORD!  The fact the nice to stormy breeze flying through Rishikesh went AWOL, the room was filled with hot, sticky, stagnant air and I was finally dripping with sweat and pretty much soaked my pants w/in 5 minutes.  It was RI-DIC-U-LOUS!  I loved every second of it.  Now, due the immense ass kicking (I think it was the 10 float back to chatturanga and float up to forward bend w/ each breath that may have started the death), I passed out during yoga nidra in the first 5 minutes… it was 25 minutes long.  Hey nap time!  Catherine tried to wake me up a few times but our plan to pinch each other didn’t work because I didn’t feel a thing! LOVED.IT!

Now, this morning on the other hand, while prepared for this because we were warned, you’re never really totally prepared for something you NEVER thought, nor ever wanted to do.  Each of us was handed a rubber tube and Roshan proceeded to show us how to shove that tube up our nostril and pull it back and forth from our mouth.  Nom!  This process is called Sutra Neti and it’s one of the cleansing rituals done to help you know, keep things healthy, clear and stuff. J  Look it up on the wiki’s if you want more info.  I’m excited to report, I shoved that sucker, gingerly, down my right nostril like a champ, drooled all over myself in the process, quickly went back and forth 3 times and pulled it out!  I’m sad to report, I didn’t to the left because one was just enough for the day for me.  Documentation was not captured, thank god!

The rains are coming so the bugs are coming and I hope to god these mosquitoes that have bitten me thus far don’t have the Malaria.  That would suck!

Took a wee break from writing!  I must say, the nice heat here is a fantastic clothes drier and *I* am a superb clothes washer!  I was going clean freak today and I wanted them to give me some bleach and a cloth so I could mop like… everything in my room but it hasn’t arrived yet so I managed to spend my afternoon editing photos and uploading them to FB. Dominic also did Reiki on me, my first experience, and I have to say, I have been a skeptic in the past and after all my personal transformations over the past year, I thought, what the hell.  I felt weird tingly sensations and as were going over a certain aspect of the session, I felt my chest expand and whatever energy was being released filled my entire body, all radiating from my heart center.  Fascinating stuff, really.  He’s quite fantastic too but I think I’ve mentioned that before.

Today in class we spoke about all the various forms of yoga and it was helpful with clarifying things, especially because in the West, we kinda get things a little screwy, for the sake of marketing.  When we were talking about the joys of Mr. Bikram, who’s practice I will never participate in because I think he’s a completely greedy douche monster, Roshan talked about attending this conference.  At the conference they spoke of how yoga is part of human nature and it’s part of everyone inherently so the purpose of yoga is not to make massive profits off people who already have these abilities but to teach.  THAT is why Rishikesh Yog Peeth is so affordable! By affordable I mean, I could have JUST come to India on a round trip ticket for this training and STILL paid about $2k LESS than if I had done the 200-RYT with my favorite studio in Seattle.  Roshan said, “yoga is for everyone,” and that’s not just about ages, races, sexes but also economically.  The school is run by all these wonderful people who charge enough for it to sustain a themselves and their families comfortably, not with too little and not with too much.  If I thought I couldn’t love this place anymore than I already did, I do now and I will recommend it to anyone wanting to get certified.  Each day just seems to get better and better.  Their ultimate goal is to have a completely self sustaining facility higher in the mountains, away from the hubbub and reduce the tuition even more.  This is SO refreshing to hear and something I’ve been grappling with personally when it comes to what I will do with this acquired knowledge when I return home and how, if I decide to start my own business, integrate yoga into it and keep it as pure as possible.  I tried to have a discussion w/ Number 2 about this prior to me leaving for November but she wasn’t in a discussion mood apparently.  How can you keep something so natural to all human beings, so pure, the way it is supposed to be in a country that is so tied in with greed and profits like the US?  I will try to find a way!

Yesterday Sanjay, our morning meditation, chanting, pranayama, asana teacher, and Ashish, took us to Parmarth Ashram for the Sunday Aarti/Puja.  It was so lovely and so festive.  Looking out at a crowd of hundreds of people, colorfully dressed, singing traditional Hindu chants and songs was lovely.  I seem to get followed by adorable little inquisitive kids, whether in the street or at this ceremony.  I don’t mean like in Mexico when kids chase you down the street trying to sell you Chicklets but just bouncing around next to me, smiling and saying hi and wanting a wave or to give me a high five of sorts.

Something I’ve been toying with is completely cutting myself off from the outside world for the duration of my schooling and only maintaining my blog and alerting FB to when I’ve updated it.  We’ll see how this thought manifests because it seems, since I have access to all this stuff, I’m addicted to it.  I have been spending considerable time researching other schools because surprise surprise, since I’m here, I may as well get my bloody 500 RYT =)  One of the girls here, Jade, has the same mission in India, YOGA with a focus in Iyengar and Ashtanga Vinyasa (I learned the difference between Ashtanga Yoga and Ashtanga Vinyasa today…weee) so exploration is definitely likely.

It’s hot, I’m boring.  As promised on FB though, I have a present for my readers!  If you dig new music as much as I do, check this out!

Bombay Beats

xxxo,

dirty

p.s. Just did our first evening class since the ass kicking and I think Saturday was to prove a point.  Today, prepared w/ my bandanna to catch my head sweat, towel to wipe my everything sweat and yoga towel so I don't face plant in downward dog... none were needed. 

Vajrasana

It took all but 4 1/2 days for, what I'm sure is, the first phase of catharsis to hit me like a thunderbolt.  I'm bracing myself for a wild emotional ride the next 6 months.  Buckle up people, we're about to play an emotional game of chicken through India... kinda like their driving just minus the utter terror and add lots of feelings.

Commence private journaling.... screw the melatonin, I'm poppin a muscle relaxer tonight!

Lessons from the Mat #2 - Hug a Tree

It’s Lesson time again!!  First, I’d just like to say how amazing it is to be in Rishikesh, Ram Jhula really, with a bunch of nomadic yogis.  Everyone has a story, everyone has done considerable traveling and everyone has a true desire to be here, living in this moment and enjoying where we are and embracing all our daily practices.  The people I have met in town have also been so welcoming and yesterday, Nagee (I’m sure I’m butchering his spelling), the owner of the yogi shop in town where I get pretty much everything, invited me to come along w/ him and a few other loyal customers from Russia to travel into the Himalayas to stay with his family and help at an orphanage.  He said it would be very traditional, very hospitable and it sounds quite lovely, although I didn’t pack for snow, I also didn’t pack for marriage, which based on warnings I received from friends prior to leaving, may be a motivation.  A bit leery am I?  Yes, I’m a paranoid American, after all, who finds skepticism in anything good offered.  I’m also a single female traveler and already preparing myself for coy eyes wanted to cop a feel on the trains or buses, I want to make sure I’m feeling 100% ok with anything like this.  I have a few weeks to feel it out to see if I’m comfortable with the opportunity to partake in such an offer, which really sounds lovely.  I did drop the “girlfriend” word (even though technically I’m single and blah blah.. It’s an easier term to use that’s self explanatory but I don’t need to get into semantics of my relationship in my blog to justify its usage or to anyone around town) to make clear I’m not into the male parts.  He repeated the word so I know he caught on and understood so we’ll see.  Oh shit, speaking of schlong, I left my Cialis at home too… maybe this isn’t a good idea since I forgot my penile rectal dysfunction meds.  For the high altitude people!!  The high altitude!! =)  It could potentially be a really mind blowing and amazing experience though SO, we’ll see.  I will probably make sure to get an Indian cell phone prior to if I do decide to go.

I’m sure all my yogi’s reading are dying to know what kind of physical practice I’m learning.  I will say, it’s nothing like ashtanga or baptiste or anything vigorous for that matter.  My school follows the teachings of Bihar, which is the first yoga university started in the world.  Its focus is on tiny, individual joint movements and after each session of movement or after holding a particular pose for a certain amount of breaths, you relax, close your eyes, regulate your breath (or breeth as our teachers cutely say) and feel how that movement affected your body.  I have to say, my lactic junkie, power flow lovin ass is kinda diggin it and I’m VERY glad I came here w/ no expectations because if I was expecting an ass kicking, I’d be really disappointed.  Not to mention, I’m not sweating like a monster beast, which means I’m not having to do laundry every day. J  I can’t imagine going to a class like this in Seattle but as a personal practice a few times a week or every morning before an ass kicking Terilynn or Leisha vinyasa class, it would be quite lovely!  Of course there is the whole philosophical side as well but I can’t speak enough to that, except for my lessons from the mat, which bear with me, are a little further down.

Check what I get to do this weekend!  Roshan told us we’re all going to be shoving catheters up our noses and out of our mouths on our day off.  Sounds like a fun time to me!  I immediately went to thinking, “oh wow, new party trick to show off with you know, whatever’s around that can fit up my nose!”  Dominic on the other hand said, “wow, there’s a hole I never thought to explore!” to which I exclaimed, “this sounds like a whole new level of kink I never imagined going to but hey, this could be fun and exciting!”  We’ll see how this new skill I’m supposed to acquire will manifest when I get home. ;)

Oh and the food - still fucking amazing! AH-MAZ-ING!  I don’t know how I’m ever going to eat Indian food at home ever again.  I mean, Travelers comes close but holy shit.  If I was rich and had my own super duper smoking fast leer jet, I’d come to India just to eat.  How’s that for my dream carbon footprint?!

Another random thought before I get deep, I always thought those pants Douglas wears to class are so silly looking.  You know, the ones with the HUGE saggy crotch? (Here they are: I looked up "saggy crotch yoga pants" but apparently the correct term is "baggy")  I have to admit, which I’m not nearly as ashamed to admit, unlike my love of my ugly fucking Crocs that keep my feet free from cow shit while walking around Ram Jhula, I bought a few pair and they are the most comfortable pants I have ever worn in my life.  Holy… shit!  Big crotch, loose fitting, flowy pants – WINNING!!  Ok, enough of my rambling, onto the lessons!

Lessons from the Mat #2

-          “ When you feel trouble, you are the trouble.”

-          “The state of humans should be a consistent plateau of happiness, not ‘ups and downs’ because we have the privilege of having WILL. 

-          “Everyone is selfish, will remain selfish, understand the self and become selfish”

-          From my teachers Swami – “Love is nothing.  We don’t need love, we need understanding.”

-          “Darkness is an illusion, there is no darkness, only light as there is no source of darkness, so there is no negativity, it is an illusion of our own mind.”

-          “You can only make yourself understand, you can’t make others understand.”

-          “As humans, we have WILL.  We have the will to be happy and the will to be unhappy.”

-          “If we have the will to not receive someone’s negativity, we will not be affected.” <- I will say, this one is difficult, especially when you really care about the person projecting negativity in your direction.

My teacher also LOVES to tell stories after almost every class, sometimes about himself and sometimes a story he has heard from another teacher.  He told one today I thought was cute and I actually managed to document it so I wouldn’t forget, which I want to try to do with each of his stories that sticks with me.  Sooo.. STORY TIME!

Storytime

My teacher had a crush on a young girl when he was 14 and she was 12.  They were planning their future, wedding and cute little perfect family but like most young love, it did not last.  When he was 21 and she was 19, she had a family arranged marriage and he was heartbroken.  For a month and a half, he spent glorious days with his friends but at night, alone, he would lay awake at night, not able to sleep.  One night, he decided to watch a Bollywood movie about a young woman who left a man and he started to cry uncontrollably.  He left his room and went to the roof of his house, alone, and cried for 2 ½ hours.  When he was done, he went back to his room and had the best night’s sleep he had in months.  His advice, cry it out, let it out, release it and let it go.  Go into the middle of a forest, hug a tree and cry because nature can transform those emotions and energy into positivity much easier than most humans.

Cute and werd! 

Shaanthih bitches!

Xxxo

Dirty

Lessons from the Mat #1

So I don't want to bore myself or anyone else w/ the mundane details of what I'm sure will become the routine of my everyday BUT during the daily lectures, our hilarious and amazing teacher Roshan, voices statements that do nothing but conjure up tons of thoughts.  I’m not going to put too much behind what I think about these statements either because what they mean to me now may be totally different than what they mean to me when I come back to reflect on this time here and what’s important is what it means to me in the now.

I will document the ones from yesterday as well as add the ones from today. J

“We can only give what we have.”

“Whatever you think will manifest.”

“Yoga is to change your behavior starting from within.”

“Stress is not caused by an event, situation or circumstance, it’s caused by the perception of an event, situation or circumstance.”

“We are the creator of our own destiny. If good happens, it’s because of me, if bad happens, it’s because of me.”

Chew on those for awhile and report back… or don’t. ;)

I also feel like Madonna and Britney Spears w these red strings around my left wrist.  Awesome!!

Xxxo,

Sticky, which I guess means, dirty!




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Later addition:


Challenge on the mat #1


Be in your own practice YOU!  Don't mind other people and the unpleasant distractions you are making yourself notice.  Grr... BE IN YOUR OWN PRACTICE! =D

Yoga is... Day 1 at Rishikesh Yog Peeth

I’m completely and totally and utterly exhausted.  I’m not even going to have dinner I’m so pooped but I’m going to find some energy to capture a few thoughts from my first day and shower before I lay my clean body down into what will ultimately be a pool of my own sweat.  LOVE that I planned this trip to begin during the last month of their hot/dry season, which, I guess, is forcing me to overcome some individual challenges from the start.  Some of you will be surprised to know, I haven’t sweat a drop during practice… me who is usually wiping the flood of salt water flowing from my shins when I’m practicing standard vinyasa at home.  This could be due to the fact that during the one we just had, 25 minutes of it was savasana where I wasn't sweating but fighting to stay awake and not snore on my first day.

Yesterday, I bought white yoga pants to practice in and I looked at the sales guy suspiciously and said, "those look too small," and he said, "oh no!  Look (proceeds to stretch them out to their max), they are just fine and will fit!"  I bought them, took them home, got them to about the top of my rower thighs and the base of my tiny booty and those suckers started to rip!  I wonder what his return policy is...

We have 3 primary teachers during the course of our time here.  One is for our morning meditation, pranayama, asana practice, the second is for our evening practice, and the third is our A&P and philosophy teacher, who is actually a doctor of philosophy, which has already led to some very interesting discussions.  The physical practice is at a rather low intensity right now and may be for the duration but the main reason I’m here is to ultimately learn more about the other major components of yoga so I can go deeper into the spirituality of my own personal practice and then maybe, when I get home, share what I’ve learned with others through teaching.  Yoga has been a very transformative thing for me thus far, from the things I’ve noticed physically to one of the main reasons I’m less of an intolerant assholey bitch.  I’m able to breath and not react and when I do, make it be a more rational reaction to whatever it is that’s happening...not all the time but some to most of the time.  I’m constantly working on not dwelling on the “cannot” and more on the “can” and just seeing life in a more positive light because really, what you put out in the world is what you’ll receive.  

So what time do I have to wake up? I’m sure you’re wondering.  Four fucking fourty five in the morning!  Omg!  Since it’s now the hot season they’ve had to push the morning practice to an hour earlier in the morning and an hour later at night, which mixed with jet lag, is pretty murderous on my energy levels.  The food is pretty fantastic but I will say, sprouted chick peas for breakfast, not my favorite thing.  Also, if I was on the biggest loser I would fail miserably because as it stands right now, I have a stash of Swedish Fish, frosted animal cookies and gummy bears in one of my bags that I’m not afraid to crack open at a moment’s notice.  Mmmm…Swedish fish.  Oh shit – the power just went out, which means my ceiling fan stopped, which means I’m going to slowly cook myself to death.

My room is very similar in simplicity to the accommodations we had at the convent in Lesotho, except there is no hot water at all, but seeing as how it's AZ temps w/o the A/C I'm totally ok with that, and I have my own room.  The toilet also doesn't work.  It doesn't know when to stop filling so it just fills and fills until it leaks out of the flusher area so I turn it off and flush.  Then when I flush, water comes out from the pipe that goes from the water holder into the toilet bowl.  I will just say I'm thankful it leaks from the top and not the bottom and considering the shower head is just chillin on the wall, the bathroom is perpetually wet, as designed.

This morning we did something so amazing and fantastic during the wee hours, we had a group neti pot session!  Holy shit!  If we're FB friends you may remember a status update I posted when I first used that thing that went something like, "omg the neti pot is the least sexy thing ever!  If angelina jolie knocked on my door, did the neti pot while standing there, I'd slam the door in her face."  I've gotten less grossed out by it during the course of the last year and even managed to watch my sister, with her husband, do the neti when she had a sinus infection and lots of great shit was coming out of her nose and Dave and I looked on in fascination.  30 people doing it all at once is quite the sight.

The water situation here is pretty good.  They have a beefy filtration system that makes the tap water drinkable and while I was nervous to try w/o sticking my Steri pen into my water bottle, I gave it a go.  So far, I haven't urinated out of my butt so I think I'm safe!

I’m finding part of me wants to be social and get to know everyone and part of me wants to hide at points in the day and just reflect.  I’m sure the hiding is because I’m still on Seattle time and that will change but it does make me want to go to an ashram after this, alone, and really force myself to have this personal experience.  At that time I’ll probably also cut off communication to the world at home but for now, I’m easing myself into this.  Hmm… I feel like I’m boring right now, and sticky, so I’m going to shower and sleep, thanks to the melatonin Dominic gave me before he passed out.

Oh and many have asked the lineage of the school I’m at right now and when you asked I had no fucking clue what you were talking about but I did some further research and the basis of the practice started with Swami Sivananda Saraswati.  ok.. i'm dying... it's storming outside and it's time for bed!

Xxxo,

Dirty

Hello Monkey! An Indian Welcome

Let the adventures begin!!  I was welcomed at the exit of the New Delhi airport by Jesse, the dude who would take us on a 7 hour game of chicken on “highways,” “byways,” dirt roads, pot hole filled roads and only god knows what else, and Dominic, a fine and lovely gentleman from Canada, who has been studying music at USC but has spent the last 8 months on a solo meditation/ancestry, journey in a hut in the Philippines.  He has a 4 month contract waiting for him back in LA for the LA Gay Mens Chorus as their conductor and he’s the sweetest guy so I’d like to put him in my pocket for the rest of my travels but, these 6 weeks together at yoga teacher training will suffice.  Oh and the drive just outside of Delhi smelled RIPE!!  OH…MY…GOD GROSS!  Just smelling what I did I was second guessing this little adventure of mine but thankfully, Rishikesh does not smell like asparagus pee mixed with hot steamy feces.  Mmmm…MMMMM!!!

People in India drive like maniacs, sheer, terrifying maniacs and I was not put at ease when I found my seat belt didn’t work but fingers crossed and good thoughts going to Jesse, we all made it in one piece.  I want to say they are very similar in their driving mannerisms to the crazy bastards in Lima, Peru.   It was better in the dark because I couldn’t see what was coming towards us but as the giant pink sun rose over the hazy horizon,  we were dodging people, cargo trucks, busses, motorcycles, tuktuks and let’s not forget the cows and monkeys.

As we came closer to Rishikesh, which yes, did take 7 hours, we were told to exit the car and Dominic and I were going to take turns riding on the back of a scooter, with all of our shit, through crowded streets, up steep slopes, around tight corners, dodging, yet again, people, bikes, cows and monkeys, getting almost bounced off with every pot hole all to arrive at a hotel.  Again, we both make it in one piece J  I’m sure my mom is LOVING reading this right now!  Don’t worry mom, we weren’t going fast!  We get to our hotel and the guy looks at me and says, “room,” and I said, “uhhhh, yes?”  He finds a random room to put me in, Dominic and I shower, NOT together, and then as we’re standing at the balcony of our walkway we see across the way what looks like the accommodations from all the pictures we saw online.  Deciding to take a stroll and investigate we find that we were dropped off at the wrong place.  I didn’t find this odd at first because the website said, “due to program popularity 1/3 of the students will be staying at a nearby hotel.”  We head back to our original place, grab out shiz, skip around the mounds of poo on the ground and arrive at our actual school!  I was warned I may get dropped off at incorrect locations in this fine country, I just didn’t think it would take a matter of only hours.

So far, so good!  I already made a few new friends, Dominic, obviously, but also Michelle, who is another Canadian who has been traveling around and is a professional philosophy student and Jules, who is a philosophy professor and published author from El Paso.  I waded out to foot deep water in the Ganges River, got blessed, booked an in room massage from someone in town, managed to not step in a single bit of cow poo, watched Dominic get chased and hissed by the monkeys who hover around for open doors with a room full of food at our hotel and made friends with a local shop owner who has a store full of shit I know someone would LOVE!  Would it be called a care package if I’m sending something to someone back home? J  Maybe a house warming would be more appropriate. 

I’m running off 5 hours of sleep since 8am Friday PST and it’s now 1:30pm Sunday Delhi time so what is that… 1am Sunday PST?  I’m also sweating balls, which I don’t even have, THAT’s how hot I am, so off to find shade and a ceiling fan to sit in and under. 

Nah-mast-ee bitches!

Dirty

Addicted to Love

I just woke up and looked at the screen they have imbedded into the bulk head wall, the one at the far end of the plane, and saw the little plane hovering somewhere over the south end of Alaska.  This is the very first time in my life I’ve actually flown this direction and to pretend it’s dark somewhere in the world, every single window shade hides the sun that won’t disappear the entire time we’ll be in flight for my first leg of travel.  I ate airplane beef for lunch, which was a bad plan, but hey, if I can’t eat it for the next 6 months, may as well get a little taste of it for the last time; although, I’d prefer it in the form of a Zippy’s No. 11 Burger.

Before I really get this blog resurrected and embrace the experience and adventure I’m about to dabble, I feel it necessary to reflect on the past few months.  After all, my original plan was to head to Rishikesh, India in April but while in Africa in January, I thought it wise to take 3 months to prep for this trip versus 3 weeks.  I can’t even begin to tell you how much happened in those 3 months, but I’m going to try.

Last year I made some difficult decisions.  I chose to get laid off from a cushy job, where I excelled and got paid a ridiculous amount of money all for the sake of getting out of the grasp of a life I never wanted to live.  Living each day, with the expectation my work, which was by no means a passion, would be my life, was too much to take so I thanked them for eliminating a position I thoroughly enjoyed, while not my dream, and for the offer to take the newly created position that would encase the work of 3 people and said, “I’ll take the severance, please and thank you.”  I made the choice to let go of my house, which really was no longer a choice since I was no longer employed.  3 ½ years ago I was a single 27 year old woman who had a successful career and just purchased a house and 6 months after doing so, felt suffocated by the fact I would never be able to live out my dreams now that I succeeded in attaining the “American Dream.”  That was all last year.

The day after I was supposed to leave for this trip, April 3, I got into a bad car accident, which left me with drastically reduced range of motion through my spine, a concussion that rendered me unable to function properly for a week and a half, a slight lazy eye and my beloved car, the only possession I saw as a vehicle of memories more than a vehicle, was completely totaled.  Thank you 23 year old kid from Federal Way for thinking you could turn in front of me!  I’ve spent the last 8 weeks seeing the chiropractor and massage therapist a few times a week, which seems awesome but when I’m in yoga and can’t do upward dog anymore and have to stick to low cobra, it sucks, especially when my upcoming trip is a spiritual/physical journey deeper into yoga.  I hired an attorney for the first time, I caught Progressive in lies (yes I just called them out by name) and it’s basically been a pain and I’m not sure how people with jobs actually get through stuff like this because it was a part and sometimes full time job!  This made me officially jobless, homeless and now carless!  My sister asked me on the phone, “wow, so now that you have nothing most people find some way to make their identity, how does it feel?”  I miss Jezebel more than my job or house but it’s pretty liberating, to say the least.  My friends were and continued to be AMAZING through the whole situation - giving me rides when I was concussed, watching me to make sure I wouldn't die (being a bit dramatic :) and even lending me their car to use.  I love the people in my life!

TB scare, weeks before I was supposed to leave.  I got tested and no TB, thank god.  I now have to get paps every 6 months due to abnormalities that were found and I had my first round of biopsies ever.  Those SUCKED by the way!  They were rather inconclusive but I’m not worried about anything right now but I’m armed w/ some of my medical records in my bag and will need to seek care in Thailand and hope for the best.

Remember that blog from my last trip about me living in the moment?  I think I titled it 3:40am or something.  That was challenged more than ever in the last few months as I fell completely and totally in love with the most amazingly strong, intelligent, driven, passionate, caring, self aware, thoughtful, nurturing, energetic, ridiculously talented woman on the face of the planet, who also sings Florence and the Machine’s rendition of Addicted to Love in her sleep, out loud.  HA!  Talk about awesome sleep talking  =D I will continue to have Pavlovian responses to Florence and the Machine for the remainder of my life because of this woman.  Leave it to me to fall in love with someone when I’m leaving.  I had to remember why I was doing this trip and while 1/3 of the initial reason was to “run” from another memory, because let’s face it, it’s really easy to say, “I don’t care what happens because I’m leaving,” the other 2/3 of the reason were because I’ve ALWAYS wanted to do this and I really wanted to spend a considerable amount of time challenging myself and my comfort for the sake of learning about myself.  From the beginning we both had to remind each other “live in the moment, enjoy this moment, I’m here right now,” but as the days faded away, flooded in smiles and laughter, it got more difficult.  She and I are both transitioning in a really big way right now and we both have our things to take care of but I trust, I really do, that if we are meant to stay together, if we’re meant to work it will, regardless of time or distance.  I haven’t felt such a healthy, love from someone so supportive and emotionally intelligent… ever.  My ideas of love have morphed as I’ve grown older and I know true love doesn’t need to be reciprocated and part of loving is caring deeply for someone but letting them go when it’s not the time or it isn’t right or in this case, when you know she has things to figure out and I have things I need to experience.  Historically, she’s been in open relationships, which is what she was in when we started dating, and that’s still something I don’t think I have the capability of having but during my time away, I am going to take some time to learn more about them and the dynamics.  I know I just want the best for her and I will support her in quest for happiness and fulfillment, as hard as it is to do from so far away, and I have no doubt she will do the same for me.  It’s truly amazing being with someone where words don’t need to be spoken, action after action say what’s needed and I left a big part of my heart on the sidewalk in Cap Hill when I dropped her off today.   I really do hope she can manage to meet me in Thailand.  *le sigh*  I love you Finn von Claret!

I’m realizing part of this process is learning to find the balance with my 2 life goals – surrounding myself with people who I love and adore and experiencing everything this world has to offer.  From leaving my adorable 6 month old nephew and the rest of my family, to my friends and to Girl Finn, there is a balance somewhere between the two and I will find out what that is, or at least begin the process of learning where it is.  Saying “good bye” has been difficult but I know I can come home whenever I want and I know I’m so fortunate to have the most amazing people in my life who support me in everything I want to do or not do.  I love you all and for now, signing into my blog for the remainder of my journey to self, wellness, adventure and whatever else life chooses to throw at me while I’m away.  I will miss each and every one of you!  I will NOT miss the phrase, “CAN YOU EAT THAT IN INDIA?!” followed by nomming on everything in sight. ;)

So with a bittersweet departure, I leave my home, for an undetermined amount of time, and I’m ready to embrace everything in my path, the people, the easy and hard lessons, the culture, the food, and myself.  Here’s to living the dream!

Nah-mast-ee bitches,

Dirty, extra bruised

p.s. I REALLY hope I don’t live up to my blog’s name this round of travel like I did when I was in Africa.  Srsly!

p.p.s. I just went to the bathroom and saw I put my yoga pants on backwards this morning!  OMG!  Can you tell how with it I was today?!