Vooping

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Friday, 24.December.2010

First – I had a hell day in the dead heat grinding 29835932853 fence braces and I have burns all over my body, mostly on my elbow and my tank top was burned through along w/ my sports bra.  Awesome!  Emily made me a lovely gin and tonic to refresh me and I guess my mistake for handing her a big jar because she filled it with WAY too much gin.  Now, when I get drunk, I want to sleep.  I think progress has been made. Ha J

Last night I dreamt I had a massage scheduled and I got 15 minutes of my 1 hour but someone else had an appointment during that time so I had to come back to get the remaining 45 minutes.  Weird dream because I never get 1 hour and always get 1 ½ hours with my masseur crush.  Rome asked when I would be coming back to work and I said 7am.  In the meantime I went skiing (I DON’T SKI!) and around 7 I realized the other dude would be done with his massage at 7 and I wouldn’t be done closer to 8!  Shit!  I reluctantly told Rome and just seeing the look on her face I responded with, “I’ll just cancel my appointment and go another time.”  What does this mean?!?!?!

Merry Fucking Christmas, Bitches!

Christmas, 25.12.2010

Have you ever had that moment when you think, “Holy shit, I’m really here!  My life is so fucking amazing!”?   I love those moments and they usually come when I’m laying w/ my face nuzzled into the neck of someone who has completely shackled my heart with their bare hands or when I’m just in complete awe of where I am and what’s going on, bitch.  The former is about as rare of an occurrence as me not flipping my shit around a midget, but the latter, my god, I think it happened on rinse and repeat today, times a million (slight exaggeration).  Here’s a recap of one fucking amazing Christmas (yes, “fucking” and “Christmas” were just used in the same sentence):

·         Waking w/ Vinyasa ala Jess w/ Row in the convent rose garden to sweat out the gin from the night prior, commence headache (as rad as a slight hangover can be).

·         Lesotho x-mas mass w/ amazingly beautiful singing BUT it was 3 ½ hours long.  I made it through 45 minutes.

·         Nap

·         AH-MAZ-ING hike in the hills and along the donga’s  w/ Row, Karen, Meg and surprise accompaniment from Tabong and Jon.  Photos cannot do justice to the shear jaw dropping beauty of this country and I know some of you at home would shit yourself with joy if you were here with me.  The boys DUG silhouette photos when we ran across monster rocks that showed our shadows.  Tabong walked us to his house to meet his entire family and see all the land he has at his disposal to farm, which was so expansive and impressive.  He also had me drink a traditional Lesotho drink, which looks REALLY creamy and had bits of only god knows what in it so I made him and Jon drink it before I did, considering his entire family was laughing as I put it up to my lips.  Tabong said, “It’s Black Label.”  I said, “Oh hell no this is not, I drink Black Label and THIS is no Black Label.  Jon chugged it so I succumbed to his offer and it was quite delicious.  I think I also married his older brother while there and his mom said, “good bye daughter in law,” as we walked back to the school grounds. HA! I had to be convinced to go on the hike because it was bloody effin hot out and I wanted to go later – so glad I’m a sucker for peer pressure.

·         Adorable kids galore at the convent who were really into getting “captured” or “made” aka: photographed. 

·          Wonderful x-mas dinner w/ all the volunteers and the nuns.

·         Evening hike up the hill to star gaze on the limestone rock slabs w/ a bottle of Amarula w/ Row, Karen, Meg and Jackie.  I called my mom and Gary to wish them a Merry Christmas and upon answering, my mom immediately yelled “OMG MY GIRLLL!!!” and started to cry.  Because I’m a total and complete cream puff of emotional mush, just like the immediate reflex to yell “FUUUUUCK” when I hit my funny bone, which isn’t very funny, tears welled in my eye balls.  Oh those reflexes…  Saw tons of shooting stars, the milky way, sang countless songs from the Sound of Music and sent a few text messages to some of my loves.

Since Number 1 and I broke up a number of years ago and my family became split during the holidays, I’ve hated Christmas.  If my family can’t all be together, it’s depressing but spending time with dear friends, old and new, in a completely different country, doing great work for a community that’s ridiculously thankful is such a great way to spend the holidays.  The only thing that would’ve been better, was to have you all with me but know you all were in my thoughts as I laid there, smiling, getting eaten alive by bugs, sipping my Amarula, looking into the limitless sky of little beams of light.

Stairway to…

Sunday, 26.December.2010

Happy Boxing Day!  What the fuck IS Boxing Day, you may ask?  Fuck if I know!  I’m googleless so look it up yourself and report back to me, please and thank you J  So Row just got back to our cozy little abode after finally making it through the shower line and exclaims, “I found new bruises!!”  She bruises like a champ and has not the foggiest clue where 90% of them came from.  “Jesus Christ Row,” I yell after she shows me one on her leg, “I only bruise like that if I’m dating a biter!  What the hell, eat a banana or nosh on some iron!”  And for the record, I quite enjoy biters… a lot!  Back to Row though, she says it’s because of weak blood vessels but regardless of the reason, they are all sorts of awesomeness.  The boarder guard at the exit of South Africa, this past week, asked her to bring whatever man was beating her to him.  Oh the hilariousness.  She’s precious and I will miss her dearly when she leaves on Wednesday but guess who comes on Wednesday night though?? DADDY!!  Ah I can’t wait!  I swear to god Isabel, or as we both loving call each other, DADDY (said in a really creepy drag queen voice), and I only spend time together outside of the US and we only live just 10 minutes from each other.  I guess it has something to do with busy lives or whatever, which keeps us apart all year, excluding our altruistic international trips.  Actually, the last time we hung out in Seattle was August 2009.  Jesus – that feels like ages ago!  It will be great spending a month with her here and lord knows the kids are going to attack her once she sets foot on campus considering one of the first questions most asked me when they saw me was “Do you know when Izzy will be here?”  I’m predicting tears will be shed.

It’s only 7:45pm Lesotho time and I’m not going to lie, I’m wiped the hell out, bitch.  Rome slated Row and me to construct the frame for the impromptu stairs that now wrap around this slope that leads down to the new bridge.  Once she said the words at 5:30am this morning, I’m sure the look on my face showed her I thought her to be a complete wackjob. 

Oh pause – Row and I were just invited to our friend Nkwelle’s house for wine and I have a man crush on his brother so time to throw off the PJs and put on.. uhhh a wife beater and boy shorts bcs that’s all I brought.  Yes, you read that correctly… I have a man crush.  Chalk that up to crush number 2 on this trip thus far… I must be in need of a distraction but he’s so pretty and chiseled it’s ridiculous.  That felt weird just typing that…

I’m Only One Stomach Flu Away from My Ideal Weight

Monday, 27.12.2010

I’ve spent the last 24 hours slowly dying.  The sounds of Africa, drumming, singing, chanting, crickets, frogs, weird birds, thudding house music in the distance, are all really beautiful, unless you’re doubled over vooping every 45 minutes.  Don’t know what “vooping” is?  Think about it a sec… my sister created the lovely term some years ago and it’s quite uhh… wonderful?  I.Wanted.to.Die!  If it wasn’t for us having a doctor on site this week, I’d probably still be doubled over laying in bed, instead, I’m sitting up in bed – Progress!  I’ve finally been able to keep a oral rehydration salt concoction down and the feeling of my brain oozing out of my scull orifices has subsided.   I don’t know what the hell happened last night but from 10pm until 6am, there was an incessant drumming off in the distance and a faint sound of chanting.  As wee hours progressed, the drumming and chanting got distinctively louder and it did not sound happy, in fact, I thought I heard a gun shot once it got close to the entrance of the  school/convent.  That didn’t make it stop, nor did it help the pounding in my head and in my stomach and intestines.  I laid in bed, doubled over of course, thinking some witch doctor was going to pound his way into campus and take my head for some sacrificial ceremony.  I’m happy to report, that did not happen; although, at the time, it probably would’ve felt better than the alternative reality I was living.

Speaking of doctor in the house.  Row sliced the fuck out of her hand putting fence frames together.  I was laying in bed, doubled over, when this all went down but apparently it cut down to the fat in her hands and she went into shock and freaked the hell out.  As soon as Rome and Doc Cindy got back from a grocery store run, Cindy stitched her up and drugged her up.  She sacrificed her hands/gloves for little Jackie so he wouldn’t slice his own hands and low and behold, one wrong step while carrying a frame and her  hand landed on one of the spikes at the end of the fence.  At least we know it works?  Aye!  I don’t enjoy the fence/razor wire job.

The glare of my screen isn’t helping my head and we’re onto thunderstorm number 2 of the day.  I’m going to return to my horizontal position and hope I feel awesome in the morning.

Slippery Slope

Tuesday, 28.12.2010

I’m ALIVE!!!  I’m still in bed though but I’m slowly making progress to make my way totally out of bed to see what the dizziness factor is upon standing.  Yesterday, it wasn’t pretty but after drinking a liter of Stoney Ginger Beer that was diluted with water and had those funky salts mixed in, and managing to eat two stale Weezy crackers, I’m back on my way to champ status. Ha. Guh!

So I’m not quite on a roll like I was when I began typing on Sunday but I wanted to exclaim – ROW AND I BUILT STAIRS!!  BY OURSELVES! J  Well, not entirely by ourselves but we fashioned the frame for the staircase and readjusted Ron’s prior outline so it could be more easily constructed with as few pain in the ass corners as possible, which Ron went crazy with.  Rome and Ann tied the rebar, Row and I did the frame and when the cement pour began, Tess and I stabbed and smoothed while Rome did the finishing touches and Row made sure the rebar supports didn’t fall as we worked our way up.  It was pretty glorious and amazing that we were able to do it all in one day!  It only took about an hour of me staring at the dirt and wood to manage the statement, “uhhh… maybe I should start screwing stuff together, or something.”  I believe I did mention in my previous post I thought Rome insane for thinking I could just whip up some stairs from out of my ass.  Apparently, she knows my skills better than I do and hand prints may have been left on the top step, downward dog style ;)  This also means when it rains like a beast, which it does frequently here, the “hill of doom” will have stairs as an alternative to the slippery, sloppy slope that many find their way sliding backwards down while trying to traverse. The older generations have a hard enough time tackling this hill when it’s dry so hopefully this will help, a lot.

Row’s hand is feeling much better today but she and I are left supervising stuff, or I will be once I can determine my ability to stand in the hot ass sun all day.  I also feel a strong need to find Nkwelle to tell him I was very sick when I was at his house and it wasn’t that the wine was not to my liking but that being anywhere was not in agreement with my need to be doubled over, heaving.  He noticed I had one sip of my wine and then gave my glass to Row when she had finished hers and he of course called me on it.  I just didn’t know HOW sick I was at that moment… 20 minutes later, I did.

Hours later…

I can’t help but feel bad I’m on day 2 of not helping with any of the projects, even though I can eat mildly flavored food without retching all over the place and drink something with flavor, because water tastes gross, I’m woozy as hell and walking out to feed the pigs, just a few meters away, takes significant energy.  Yes, I just said I feed the pigs, a task I’ve taken on since Mary left.  Since I’m pretty sure I was responsible for the annihilation of 2 of the 3 bathrooms in the convent, but not solely responsible, I should add, I felt it only appropriate I suck it up and clean the bathroom area.  As I was scrubbing the sinks I had my 2^nd of 2 “oh shit” moments of the day.  The first: “oh shit, why in the fuck did I send that email a month ago?!?!” *smacks head… hard* which was an “oh shit” moment resurrected thanks to a dream I had during the night – DAMN YOU SUBCONSIOUS.  You know when you ponder doing something and you’ve thought it through, talked it out and it seems like the best decision so you go with it, then ages later it hits you like a Mac truck it was probably a terrible idea?  Oh well, so goes life.  The second, I looked down at a toothbrush I was diligently using to scrub some schmoo from the faucet and realized it may actually not be one that was left behind but one used by someone!  OH SHIT!  At least I could take care of one of my moments – I threw the toothbrush away. 

I just got out of the shower and a praying mantis was crawling on the ceiling and I’m pretty sure I squished a venomous spider in our dining room.  Aww Africa.  The clouds are rolling in.  I better make sure there is progress on the drying of my sheets before I have nothing to sleep on tonight. 

Shoot Girl, You STANK!!

Week 1(ish)

Before I post everything from this week I would first like to say, I am perpetually covered in dirt, scratches, which then equivalents to blood followed by bandaids or “plasters,” bruises, gashes, sunscreen, sweat and as of today, metal and slag.  Thanks to the latter two, I totally smelled like my ex-girlfriend, Number 1, and I could not wait to dump that 5L bottle of hot water I collected all over me, post scrubbing the hell out of myself w/ Dove, of course.  Have I mentioned I’m going to not only want but NEED a body scrub when I get back?  My god!

I’m still debating how to best blog considering internet is minimal and the speeds are PAINFULLY slow.  I’m journaling almost daily, sometimes I feel like it, sometimes I don’t, so I think I’ll just start each entry from the date of my last written journal and paste my way down.  Each individual entry will be dated and I like coming up with titles so, I’m doing that too, since this is really for me anyway. Sound good Me?  Why yes, yes it does!  =)

Oh and btw, merry x-mas eve eve, bitches!

Pfffffffffffft…

Thursday, 16.December.2010 – 8:25pm

It’s hit – exhaustion.  Since Tuesday 4:00am PST until now, which is 10:30am PST Thursday and 8:25pm Lesotho time, I have slept a total of 2 – 3 hours thanks to ridiculously uncomfortable flying conditions and not coming prepared for Seattle like conditions in Lesotho and gripping my sheets, shivering most of the 3 ½ hours I had available to sleep, once I finally arrived.  Seeing all my favorite guys today kept my adrenaline surging but now, I’m done, burnt toast, a warm rolling rock *gags* and I want to crawl under a rock while listening to the frogs ribiting, the crickets chirping and the water trickling.  Heaven… even more so since I think I got all the mortar out of my hair.

I Thought You’d Never Ask

Saturday, 18.December.2010

 “I thought you’d never ask,” I said after Mary asked, “can you put it in my mouth?”  Ahhh, let the quote capturing begin!  Leave it to us, or I guess me to keep things clean for about a millisecond but know, I do try to show some restraint when working with the kids under the legal age of filth.  Notice how I said “try.”  The first day or so I was too tired to even speak, let alone transform everything said by everyone into something sexual but fear not friends, I am back!

I arrived in Lesotho in the wee mother effin hours of the morning Thursday and it immediately felt like I never left.  Almost everything looks the same, the country is just as beautiful as I remember, bright, white, smiling faces surrounding us daily but what the hell was all that RAIN?!  I didn’t sign up for that.  Not only did I not sign up for that, I didn’t PACK for that so after getting rained out of work our first day, we all went into Maputsoe to use the internetz and all bought gummy boots so our feet don’t rot off what would then be nubs of ankle.  Guess what happened?  It stopped raining! J  Oh well, now my $5 Target cargo boy shorts (really the best for hard manual labor) and wife beaters will be sufficient attire for the remainder of my 2 months here.  Hey dykey!  Ok, so not all was lost with work and we got crackin on doing parts of the library, which we are apparently expanding and putting in a computer lab.  This was a nice little addition I was not aware we were doing.  Maybe I don’t pay enough attention or maybe I just never went to a single meeting about the project. Heh – oops!  The library is getting electricity run to it next week so we can set up the computers and THEN, COMPUTER  CLASSES BEGIN!  I’m going to see what I can do to help with those as much as possible and keep them going when Ann leaves a few weeks later to head back home.  I immediately thought of Zimmer when I realized this was an opportunity here. J

What’s a day of hard work without a trip to the local bar they so cleverly named Tarven?   I’m sure they meant Tavern but we’ll cut them some slack on their lack of spelling abilities because the beer is good and cheap and well, we’re in 3^rd world Africa.  Mandy, Tessa, Row, Mary and I sat on the hillside, post Mandy and I getting marriage proposals and me getting man handled by 2 of the girls in the “bar” area, sipping our monster 750ml Black Label beers before walking back up the road for dinner, which Rome was so lovingly preparing because we are sans a chef this week.  I made it through ½ my beer and was already buzzed and after dinner tired drunk had set in so I turned in and EARLY!  I had almost no sleep in the days prior, woke at 5am that morning to start work and a monster beer were a recipe for passing out at 8pm.  Mmm… luscious sleep J

Yesterday was RIDICULOUS!  Ridiculous by way of completely making up for what time we didn’t work the first day we arrived.  Shit!  Rome started the day with, “this is probably the most important day of the project.”  Thanks Rome, no pressure or anything.  Everyone spent the entire day capping the end of the railing of the bridge, that’s what I did the entire time, which was a pain in my ass, and a bunch of others finished the supports for the middle of the bridge railing and then… the concrete pour!  It was intense, insane and while kids were running “boogeys” along the bridge, I had to screw and move my ass before my head became decapitated or I lost more of my ass (my ass has shrunk the past few months).  Our normal work days are from 6am – 5pm w/ a nice little break and long lunch but yesterday, oh no!  Work commenced at 6am, as planned, but we had no break, lunch was short and we weren’t headed back up the hill to our nuns quarters (I became a nun while away, didn’t you know?) until freakin 8pm!  We were pouring the last of the concrete at dusk and because we were in a hell bent rush to finish the last of the caps we, or maybe I, totally fucked up and the side blew out right at the end.  AH!  We’ll see how our fix job looks when we remove all the support Monday.  To end the night… I showered w/ a trickle o water, par for the course the next 6 weeks, inhaled my dinner and passed out w/ my head in my hands attempting to learn French while Lady Gaga was blaring from the other side of the grounds… I wish Weez was here still!

System back up

Sunday, 19.December.2010

Low and behold – I finally get to my netbook –  I have decided I need to name her but I haven’t thought of anything yet but she’s pretty and red sooo… trixy, that’s it, my netbook’s name is Trixy –  but I just got into a debate about immigration and now I’m not in the mood.  We hiked today.  It was fun.  I’ll come back to you later Trixy after a few games of Minesweeper and maybe some learning of the French.  I always come back.

HOURS later –

Rosetta stone can lick my vag!  I guess I can’t complain though, for reasons I will not share via a public forum, but good god.  I SWEAR my pronunciation of “café” is correct you stupid bitch!  That’s me, screaming at my computer mic.  I think after the 238,574,325 time of it dinging me incorrect I said something to the effect of “café you mutha fuckin bitch” and it dinged correct.  Joking, it still failed me.

Sunday is our day of rest, thank you jesus, literally, because we are, after all, working at a Catholic High School.  At the beginning of the week I promised one of my favorite little guys, Jackie, that we’d go hiking with him through the hills on our break day.  In fact, he actually made me pinky swear, which I taught him in 2008 – how freakin adorable is that?!  It’s about as adorable as him still carrying around a hacky sack with him, which I also introduced him to in 2008.  It’s pretty much a given that if you come to Lesotho, you want to adopt this boy and Mandy has made note, a number of times, she’s “going to pull a Madonna” on his ass and take him from his mother, I then tell her she needs to get in line, a very long line.  I don’t want to adopt him though, I want to steal Mongee and Matela and take them back.  I will share stories of my favorite lil guys later because a full entry needs to be made specifically to all their loveliness. I mean, they are one of, if not, the main reason I came back here and why I’m spending 2 months sweatin it out in the scorching sun, showering with a trickle of water and eating so much meat and cheese I’m going to be backed up for a week.  Where’s an apple?!  Someone give me an apple!  *Mandy comes over w/ an apple* Oh, why thank you Mandy. 

I rabbit trailed… where was I, oh yes, the hike with Jack Attack.  Have I mentioned already how absolutely jaw dropping beautiful Lesotho is?  We’re at about 6k feet above sea level, it rains torrential thundering storms almost nightly so everything is green and lush, the hill sides of rock and green are gorgeous and the flat lime stone river stream things are just fantastic.  I mean, where else can you walk around and hear the sound of cow bells but it’s actually a bell around a massive sheep’s neck and just around the corner are about a dozen other sheep and just down the hill, around a rock or two are the two Sheppard boys tending to them and multi-tasking like champs by attempting to shove MONSTER rocks down the hillside, making an exploding sound as they shatter against other rocks on the tumble down?  I’ll tell you, no where!  Well maybe somewhere else but I haven’t been there yet.  We were initially going to see this cave a ways away, which would have also meant having 20+ little African kids bouncing around the hill following our alien asses but we got a bit side tracked.  There are these long flat river beds of lime stone that line the base of the cliffs/hillside and last time I saw them, a bunch of kids were sliding down them like it was a water slide.  It was SO awesome so of course I want to try it!  Jackie and I see a great spot where we can scramble down the hill to the closest of the riverbeds and everyone else is just following us wherever we go so they remained close behind, bitch (you can’t end a sentence w/ a preposition).  There was a great spot where the angle of the rock was PEEERFECT for laying and catchin some rays while listening to the water rushing down the hill.  Humungous rocks lined the side and all of a sudden Mary says, “hey, so the girls at my gym have a thing where they take pictures of themselves doing handstands all over the world.  I want to do it!”  Guess what that started?  Handstand session!  20+ kids weren’t following us around but looking up all directions around us, you could see little heads peering down at the craziness of these white people doing acrobatics by the slippery river. We all have fantastic pics of us upside down all over the hillside in Africa now, which also means I remembered 1 of 2 of my athletic goals of 2010, which was to do a wall supported handstand push-up… check check DONE!  I just breathed on my knuckles and rubbed them on my shoulder – could you sense it?  I wanted to hike up the hill to the other river but after we got distracted by the weird but rad looking aloe plant, where I grabbed some and smothered it all over mandy’s back, people were getting hangry so we turned around to head back, sans a cave sighting.  As we approach the school there are some intimidating black clouds off in the distance and we start to hear the rumble of thunder.  Our steps quickened and after a brief pit stop to try to get a little kid to do another handstand (he was doing one as we turned the corner and saw him), we headed back to the bridge WE poured, along w/ the prior weeks workers, and got back into the nuns quarters SECONDS before the rain started to dump. 

Speaking of dump – that’s not going to happen for awhile.  Mandy just said, “I have not had a problem.  You can put that in your blog.”  So there you have it, colon update from Mandy and I, international travel updaters extraordinaire.

Socially Conservative ;)

Wednesday, 22.December.2010 :: 1:20pm

Down 2 and waiting for 10.  It’s transition day and we can kiss our calm weeks good bye with the arrival of a packed house from here on out, which also means sharing a teeny tiny room for the next 5 weeks.  My god!  One would think that would also mean when the cat is away the mice will play but not when the cat is Rome and you have 5 crazed workers left behind to fend for themselves.  I currently have one very bashed left index finger thanks to spending my morning chiseling the shmoo off the concrete bridge wall/walkway.  It was just me, listening to a little Tabacco, Nikki Minaj and Damian Marley/Nas when a few kids came by to ask about any work.  I sent all of them to help with the fence but one kid just chilled and sat there, watching me hammer away at a flat crow bar on concrete, occasionally swearing and surprisingly, I had never seen him before.  This is the story of Pulae (poo-lay).

Pulae is a really quiet boy and sat on the side of the bridge, a few people passed and few words were exchanged, and he just stared at the uneventful happenings of my work.  

I said my hello, “Tumela (too-may-la),” which is Sesotho for “hello” or “good day.”  I told him I was chipping away the remnants of concrete from the bridge so we could prepare it to get a layer of plaster.  He looked oddly interested and we exchanged names, “I’m Isacc” he said, “it’s my blessed name.” Thunder roared on the other end of the hill and he calmly said, “the rains are coming.  I like the rain.”  He eagerly wanted to help me with the chiseling and I wasn’t one to turn down any help considering I already felt like my hand was  morphing into THE CLAW after banging away for about an hour already.  The work ethic of these boys is ridiculous, not to mention their strength to weight ratio!  Pulae and I took turns with sweeping the side of the railing and chiseling and as a few rain drops began to fall he explained, “my name means ‘rain’ in Sesotho.  My mother said it was raining very much the day I was born so she named me Pulae.”  He just smiled and asked about a man who had volunteered a few weeks ago named David.  “David was my best friend, I miss him.”  

Pulae is 18 years old and is in grade B at Holy Names, which I think is something equivalent to an 8^th grader in the states, kind of, I say “equivalent” very loosely.  He loves mathematics and science, enjoys dancing, singing, playing this wicked guitar the boys created (pics and video will be uploaded, granted my memory card makes it home… my mom told me to hide my memory cards up my ass this time… haha!), really digs house and hip hop and wants to be an engineer so he can create cars and planes.    His height is similar to mine and he’s wearing a Brazil futbul jersey that is probably a small and still 3 times too big for his frame.  His pants are a dark camo with massive rips in the crotch and the back of one of his thighs (thank god for long johns!) and he’s wearing boots that look like they may have been from the 50’s, no laces, coated in mud and the seam for the toe on both feet is completely separated.  At one point, while I’m sweeping up chunks of concrete w/ my hands, I turn to look down the bridge and his back is to me.  I can see his ribs poking out from under his shirt and the middle of his back is completely concave – he looks like something you’d see from one of those “feed the children” commercials on TV and it’s utterly heart breaking but yet, being here, it’s something I’ve either become desensitized to or… or… I don’t know actually.  He’s joyful in all our conversation and I as soon as he tells me he enjoys hip hop I had him listen to Nikki Minaj, but considering the lyrics are about as deep as something from Far East Movement, I switched it back to Damian Marley and Nas’ new album.  Leaning against the side of the bridge again, he comments, “I love this, it advises me.  They are speaking about respect.”  Love this kid!  We’re about done with our task and he looks at me and says, “who’s going to be my best friend when you leave?”  Did I mention heart breaking?  One thing anyone must prepare themselves for when coming to Lesotho is one question, “when will you be leaving?”  The kids like to know so they can gauge their level of attachment, although, even with preparation, is still hard when you leave, really, really REALLY fucking hard.  I mention my last little guy from 2008, Matela, and he exclaims, “he’s my uncle!”  Well Matela is 2 years younger so that threw me a little bit but definitely not an unheard of situation.  When we’re done, I ask if he wants to help me sweep and he says, “oh, there are booms over here!”  He jumps to the other side of the hill and starts tearing branches off a tree and makes an impromptu broom out of those!  Genius and resourceful these wonderful people are.  In the upcoming weeks, he is going to teach me to ride his family’s horse, show me a car he made out of wire, teach me to dance to Basotho (traditional music) and climb to the top of the nearest mountain.  Pretty stoked on this little kid and his passion for what he loves and his desire to share.  Being here is so completely and utterly humbling.  It’s hard not to leave here a changed person, you’d actually have to be so self absorbed, socially unaware and heartless to not be affected.

Speaking of leaving – volunteers leaving isn’t only rough on the kids but those volunteers who stay behind.  I’m already missing my ladies who left this morning, Miss Dimpled Mary who I’ll see in Thailand and Miss Mandy!  Until later…ladies… twas rad!

Hours later…

The church bells were just going like crazy – STORM TIME!!!  I think the rumbling through the entire sky would be sufficient warning though but, it’s still pretty awesome to hear the church bells ringing, warning all those in the surrounding hills to get themselves, their sheep, cows, goats, horses or whatever the fuck else they sheppard along, HOME.  LOVE LESOTHO!  Time to throw my laptop and nano on the charger before the power goes bu-bye.

Even more hours later…

I don’t think I’ve seen anything as beautiful as a raging thunder/lightening storm during an inflamed sunset, while the wind is howling, night critters a buzz and clouds moving every which way.  Only an hour later, it sounds like any other calm night - the clouds above have parted to completely open up the sky and its millions of stars and in the surrounding perimeter, lightening all around.  I.Love.Africa!

Meet the Kardashians

Thursday, 16.December.2010 - 1:01am (Lesotho time)


I have impeccable timing with choosing flights, or more generally applicable, times to go through Customers when traveling internationally.  When I went to Peru last February, 3 weeks after I had just returned from said country, I walked through the customs area to hordes of people with trumpets, trombones, drums and other various marching band type flare and tons of signs and banners.  Me, being only somewhat fluent in English and at that time, only knowing a handful of key Spanish words such as baño, cerveza and loco, couldn’t for the life of me understand what the signs read.  “Oh wow!  They must really appreciate returning visitors to this fair country!” I thought.  Ok, I didn’t really think that but low and behold, moments later, the former President of Peru came through the customs area.  Celebrity – awesome!

Today, well, two days ago at this point I guess, while sitting at the gate, everyone in their seat and ready to go, just, sitting, we got word of some ice shenanigans in MN that was causing a delay of baggage to get delivered to the plane?  WTF?!  The doors were closed and we were about to leave, wouldn’t everyone’s luggage, who was on the plane, come with them??  I was so confused but whatever.  “Don’t worry, even with this minor delay we are still going to make INCREDIBLE time to Johannesburg of only (yes, he said “only”) 14 hours!  So we should still arrive before our scheduled arrival.”

--Fast forward 15 hours –

We FINALLY arrive, I FINALLY get through customs, I FINALLY manage to recover both the bags I checked, (hallelujah, thank you Jesus!!) and I’m greeted by Rome as I round the corner and first thing she says to me, “You were just on the same flight w/ the Kardashians!  It’s been absolutely nuts in here.”  WTF?!  So I guess that Kardashians double as “baggage from MN.”  Awesome!  =)

Just to do a time/reality check of what state I’m in right now.  I woke up in Seattle at 4am, Tuesday, 14 of December and I just arrived at Holy Names in Bela Bela, Lesotho at 12:30am, Thursday, 16 of December and I slept maybe an hour total on both flights.  It’s now 1:12am as I type, and conveniently, thanks to an hour or so sleep on the drive from Jo-burg, I’m wide awake and have to actually wake up to start working at 5am. 

Did anyone else just die a little reading that like I did typing it?

I swear I've done this before

Hour 5 of a 31 hour journey (from leaving my place to arriving at the nuns quarters of Holy Names, Bela Bela, Lesotho, Africa)

I'm by no means a novice when it comes to traveling, quite the opposite.  Have you seen that movie Up in the Air w/ George Clooney?  I'm him, an efficient machine working through the confines of
airport regulations and processes.  Today, you would have thought it was my first time traveling by air and maybe it was because I have been wound so tight the past 3 days as a ball of stress trying to get everything together, or maybe, it's just one of those days. *starts to sing*

Last night I thought I was MASTER PACKER, cramming every crevasse of the one piece of luggage I wanted to check, which had docking ports of lap tops that are being donated and "I know my status" red bracelets for the people who have completed their HIV/AIDS testing in the clinic that's set up at the school we'll be doing work, and some shiz of mine I wanted to sneak in there.  It was perfect until I got to the airport and it was 5lbs over and the over weight fee is $150!!  Robbery!  I do have to say, I'm pretty impressed I hoisted 55lbs onto the scale with one arm pretty effortlessly :)  But god, I hope my skin acclimates to the sun and that I don't get sunburned.  Good bye extra bottle of sunscreen and aloe!  Hello more crammed carry ons.

Security - liquids - forgot to take them out and for the first time this year had my bag searched.  guh!  What am I?  NEW?!

I don't check bags, I especially don't check bags when I'm flying into one of the most sketch airports in the world, Johannesburg.  My backpack has flown many a times w/ me on Alaska with no problems.  Apparently Delta does have a problem with my bag and it was an inch shy of being able to fit into their little template of acceptable luggage so now, ALL my things, excluding the electronics, travel books and blah blah, has to go through the hands of some dude in South Africa.  I hope they don't take my flip flops!  Or my sheets... or ANYTHING!

I get to my seat and good god all mighty - whatever Jay and Silent Bob guy, BUY A SECOND SEAT!  I'm sitting next to a lady who is hacking out her lungs and is so big neither of the arm rests can go down and she keeps shimmying into my already cramped window space.  As I type, I'm smooshed against the wall and the sun is making the window shade all different levels of fire.  Come on ATL - get here now!

Here's to hoping the 15 hour flight where I sit dead pan in the middle of the monster plane is better than this.

To all those who sent good vibes to me via email, THANK YOU!  I'd love to reply to you all but we're about to descend and I think gogo is going to stop working soon, not to mention my battery is about drained.

Love you all!!

xxxo
dirty and bruised  (although, right now, I'm clean but *looks at my inner knees* bruised, yes)

From the top

I just spent my entire Sunday - excluding the hours spent drinking Manny's whilst watching artists do their thing on the stage of the 9lb, making gluten free, organic mac-n-cheese in the wee hours or sleeping - PACKING!  Well, maybe not just packing, but doing everything one does in preparations to leave home for almost 3 months. I also use the term "home" loosely, very loosely and after having so many "nightmares" about forgetting plug adapters at home and bringing a Nano with the same music from Hood to Coast, you'd think I wouldn't leave updating my Nano as the last choir of the night but here I am on one computer typing in you my new dear blog and to my right, my other computer, spiffifying my Nano w/ new music.  Those nightmares also included Google setting up a small office on the school grounds of Holy Names Bela Bela, Lesotho, Africa.  I have no idea what the fuck that means!

I debated whether to do a blog for my upcoming adventures for various reasons, many of which are utterly boring so no need to rehash my internal monologue with myself, but I have succumb to peer pressure.  What can I say?  I'm weak.  Plus, I got this handy little netbook so I could learn French while in Africa for 2 months so may as well put the keyboard to use and make sure I actually document this adventure, unlike last time when I tried the old school pen and paper route.  Writing hurts!  To kick this all off, I feel it necessary to do a run down of my 2010 thus far.  The year has been an absolute cluster fuck of glorious madness and each and every step has lead me to exactly the spot I'm at today.  Hold on to your pants, this year has been wild!

January:

• Rang in the New Year to explosions erupting and effigies engulfed in flames all over the hill side in San Francisco de Asis, Peru. 
• That wasn't the only thing erupting and I REALLY wished the port-o dudes had come to clean out our hellacious bathroom sitch.  Yay Peru! TMI?  Prob but it's the true reality when traveling in Peru.  Consider this your warning.
• Almost barfed over the Nazca lines
• Altitude sickness in Cuzco was so rad and Cocoa leaves make your throat numb :)
• Anticucho (beef heart... AH-MAZ-ING) from a street vendor in Miraflores
• Hiked up Mountain Machu Picchu on accident
• Worked like a slave for the man - got employee of the year and employee of the month for December

February:

• Back to Peru!
• Sandboarding, dune buggy riding, disco, spinning fire, gorgeous Brazilians and Germans in Huacachina 
• Pisco gulping in Ica
• Pool layin, V-day sailing, spa and dinner date night in Paracas
• New friends from around the world
• First parasite!  Wait, that's not something one wants to ever put into a "baby's first" book; although, I had quite a few of those moments this year.
• Worked like a slave for the man
• Made amends w/ dude

March:

• The man said, "you be slave no more!" aka: got laid off - sobbed for 30 minutes, then started laughing with glee every moment since...
• "Oh you know those 2 weeks I said I'd work in Africa, let's make that the entire first half of the project"
• Made amends w/ girl
• Sisterly trip to Ellensburg for an escape - baby sister is preggers?? wha?!  
• "Oh wait, you know how I said let me work the entire project, how about 5 weeks do to wee baby birth"
• Final decision made to correct a VERY expensive mistake from 2 1/2 year prior - living for free from here until, well, I can't 
• Last day workin for the man.  Separation packages are quite lovely, I suggest everyone try it sometime.  That combined w/ my travel savings account I started years ago are money, literally.
• I'm pretty sure I drank a lot this month

April:

• I'm pretty sure I drank a lot this month too, maybe even more.
• Finished NPTI
• Worst.Date.EVER! I finally had a bad date story!  Chalk that up for another "baby's first" or maybe an addition to the bucket list and an immediate check off, bitch. (can't end sentences in a preposition but using punctuation incorrectly, TOTALLY OK)
• Saw lots of shows - La Roux - SUCKED.  Citizen Cope - SUCKED.  Sia - AH-MAZ-ING!  Charlotte Gainsbourg - AH-MAZ-ING! Coco Rosie - AH-MAZ-ING! Melody Gardot - AH-MAZ-ING!  Maybe those weren't all in April and lord knows there were dozens more.
• Ridiculous times in Portland, much of which cannot be discussed or I'd have to kill you
• Because of bullet #1 and bullet #5, I quit drinking April 27th, not to be resumed until, well, last weekend.

May:

• Hawaii w/ the wifey for her b-day
• Ate more Bubbies than should be allowed
• Apartment hunting with the wifey
• Wifey and I somehow got estranged... bu bye wifey. =(
• Who's the Foursquare Mayor of Bakery Nouveau and Howe St. Stairs?? THIS GIRL!  Oh yeah, at Haus of PowPow.
• I don't even know what else happened this month... must be the detoxing from March/April

June: 

• For not drinking you'd think I could remember what happened in June.  I'll blame the continued detox.
• Ridiculous amounts of trips to ze spa
• Paddle boarding commenced
• Won W A8+ and W A4+ at NW Masters Regionals

July:

• Made up for what June lacked!
• Pre 4th w/ the fam at the coast, joined by extended fam
• More paddle boarding
• A lovely wedding
• A absolutely rockin birthday that was almost perfect
• Fell... well had already fallen many many moons prior but now was like REALLY falling...bad
• Hiked up to Camp Muir and had WAY MORE FUN sliding on my ass down the side of the mountain
• Ended up in ER post Muir thanks to massive dehydration 
• Parking lot like woah
• Lots more birthday wonderfulness

August:

• Falling falling falling... still haven't quite landed
• Chicago for Lolla!!!  RA RA RAAAA AAAHHHH!
• Lots more shows!
• Heaven in Leavenworth
• Hell on the way home from Leavenworth - Have you played Angry Birds?  Effin ADDICTING!  I think the one that poops hit me while I was falling.  Or no, it's laying an egg, not pooping huh?  
• FRONT ROW FOR GAGA!!
• NOH8
• HTC w/ Van 3 - No Panties!  I did not train... I.am.awesome

September:

• Another really uneventful month - lots of bed laying and netflix
• Taking indefinite break from rowing
• Commence yoga 2x a day everyday of the week
• Hey Yo!!!  Who's Foursquare Mayor of 3 of the 4 8limbs?!  Not apparently hard to do when yogi's aren't exactly techy nerds.
• "Oh you know when I said 5 weeks, how about I be in Africa the last 2 months and instead of spending a wad on Kili, I'm going to take another 2 weeks to see lovely peeps in the EU."  Get... me... out... OF HERE!
• 3 words - FOLSOM STREET FAIR
• 2 more words - Latex dress
• 1 more word - Dragonette!
• Silence...

October:

• Sac town for roller derby regionals!  Good friends, old friends and great derby.  Rat city and portland - BAD SPORTS!  Attempted to make mistakes but that's way more difficult to do whilst when sober.  Impossible for me, apparently.
• Austin, TX is THE SHIT!  Austin City Limits... not so much.  
• M.I.A. was the worst performer I had seen since Hole in 1999 - debating whether to give that drunk another chance
• Best BBQ I've ever eatin - SALT LICK and not the one in the effin airport fools, the one about 25 mi outside of Austin.  I hate BBQ sauce.  I drank their BBQ sauce!  Mmm... nom nom nom.
• Cowboy boot cherry popped @ Allens Boots
• Great friends, amazingly good times
• No job, soon to be no house, no debt, no girlfriend and money in the bank - plans are a hatchin and I'm leaving town... for a very... very... VERY long time...

November: 

• Back to Chicago!!  Roller derby nationals!
• More great time with friends!  Duck game in a sports bar in Chicago w/ LOTS of old college friends
• Chi-town tourist!
• Purge, pack and move...
• Living in a new to me neighborhood with a dear friend in her spare bedroom... it's like a live in storage unit.
• Let the demon battle begin!  Alright round 2 o travel... I'm ready for you... I think.  4 months of yoga in India will help me know just how ready I am.
• MY ADORABLE NEPHEW WAS BORN!!  guh!!  So in love!  so so sooooo in love w/ him.
• Silence was broken...my week was doubly made
• Wrist injury from holding said adorable nephew... totally worth it!
• SNOMG 2010!
• That damn pooping/egg laying bird came back
• Orphan Thanksgiving and I made the best god damn salad EVER
• Leaving is going to be bittersweet

December:

• God that Manny's looks delicious!  Mmm... it is... mmm... give me one!  Nom nom nom... well, I guess it's better to have a first drink in 7 months w/ good friends than by myself in Belgium.  Hey tolerance, where'd you go?!
• More nephew time!
• More crazy time!
• House is officially no longer mine, time.
• I'm ready but I'm not for what's to come.... what is to come anyway?  I guess it'll unfold all right here, after the fact of course ;)

xxxo -
dirty and bruised