Howizit??

I've been in Maui for the past few days, relaxing, still decompressing from Lesotho (this is MUCH harder this time than any other trip I've taken) and I'm happy to be here with 3 of my very dear friends but I have to say the highlight has been constant calls from my friends from afar in Lesotho.  Hearing Bokong's voice on the phone Sunday as I squealed "BOKOOOONG" and he replied in his adorable tone, "JEEEEEEESSSS!  Howizit?!" made me so happy.

I'm working on 2 final posts before I sign off until I head to India in June.  One is my reflections on the Lesotho trip as a whole and it's not short and I've been trying to compile it as I've been able to grasp it's impacts.  The other one will be a showcase of everyone who's touched my heart and been apart of the experience, complete with PICTURES!  Yes, I actually uploaded all my pics to come computer in reasonable time, thanks to jet lag and waking at the ungodly hours of 2am and 3am the first few nights I was back.

I will say, it's very apparent I'm not suited to a life of normalcy right now and my friends have already voiced they are preparing for me to never return, more so than I am but I can't say they aren't smart to do so.  I don't know what life holds for me right now but I know it's nothing like what I've done.  This prospect was terrifying and has been for some time but the more time passes, the more I'm not only excited but totally moving through life with open arms ready to accept whatever my destiny is and I'm not going to fight it.

3:30am

Real entry below a bit.  This stuff is just jet lagged banter :)

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Jet lag is a bitch!  So is a painful cough, courtesy of being around so much smoke the last few days of my travels. *coughs* God damn... that hurts! *grabs my chest*  Oh, and laser hair removal is also a big bitch!  I haven't done them yet but I'm pretty sure taxes are also going to be monster huge bitch. You know what's not a bitch?  My mother effin friends!  They have been so amazing and I wish I could see everyone before taking off to Maui BUT at least I'm giving myself WAY more time than the originally planned 3 weeks between travel round 2 and REALLY BIG travel round 3. Also, my hairdresser is not a bitch!  Jessee is amazing and I'm lovin my new hairs... BAD!

I'm messing so much with my body's clock right now, I'm fearful I may get sick from just the confusion of what day is what.  Tomorrow, I mean, I guess in a matter of hours when it's appropriate to be awake, I need to load up on some kombucha, master cleanse and fresh lemon and ginger to battle this already acquired cough and any impending ick.  I should also probably stop drinking ze alcohol until I feel like my body has fully adjusted to being...somewhere.

Below is my latest, actual, journal entry. :)  Oh and one random piece of info, I have decided I'm not reactivating my smartphone, mostly because it completely negates what you're about to read.  I feel great about it and everyone can expect my full, undivided attention when we spend time together because I'm living in the now, now. ;)

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Be Here, Be Present

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

That’s a mantra I use frequently when I’m focusing in yoga, on my breath, on my body position, on being free in the mind.  I want to quote a passage from Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist:

The camel driver, though, seemed not to be very concerned with the threat of war.

“I’m alive,” he said to the boy, as they ate a bunch of dates one night, with no fires and no moon.  “When I’m eating, that’s all I think about.  If I’m on the march, I just concentrate on marching.  If I have to fight, it will be just as good a day to die as any other.

Because I don’t live in either my past or my future.  I’m interested only in the present.  If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man.  You’ll see that there is life in the desert, that there are stars in the heavens, and that tribesmen fight because they are part of the human race.  Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living right now.”

I really can’t tell you when I changed, when the transition from perfectly calculated Jess, always thinking of what’s next?  What’s my next move?  I’ve reached my goal or destination, so now what’s going to be my next goal or destination?  What will this turn into in the future?  Is there even a future?  Everything used to be part of a plan, my career, my finances, my social life, where I was going to be from one minute to the next and now, while I haven’t completely thrown it all to the weigh side, I’ve really tried to slow the fuck down and just ENJOY! 

I can’t thank one thing in particular for what I like to think is a good change.  My former best friend tried to teach me to be more spontaneous, my ex girlfriend tried to teach me to slow down, yoga feels more amazing when my mind isn’t afloat and worrying about anything, at all.  The combination of so many things has made me understand and appreciate the simple joys of just breathing, truly opening my eyes and looking around at where I am, who I’m with and what I’m doing, RIGHT NOW.  There was not a single moment during the last 9 weeks when I was wanting the day to disappear and give me a different day.  I wasn’t looking forward to Cape Town when I was in Lesotho.  I didn’t make plans for Europe until moments before leaving Cape Town and while I missed my home, my family and my friends greatly, reached out to those as often as I’d allow, I didn’t want to be home, I wanted to be right where I was. 

I had everything.  I had a nice house, my adorable car, a very well paying, fun but completely unsatisfying job, all the shit I could need plus a ton more and incredibly loving family and friends.  The only thing I’ve realized I want to hold onto is the latter two and the rest doesn’t matter, never has and never will.  None of that matters when living in the moment and if anything, holds you back from doing what you really want to do, what really makes you happy.  I told Martina yesterday I never want to wish for the current day to leave, I never want to wake up Monday and wish for it to be Friday at 5pm so I can have 2 out of 7 days to enjoy.  I want to enjoy every day, make the most of every situation, enjoy each second as if that second will never last and not worry about what the next second will bring.  If there is one thing I’ve learned on this first adventure, it’s just that and while I’m not perfect at it, I’m always working to be better.  I’ve never been one to live in the past but I do reflect on things that have happened, try to understand what I learned from them and then move on from there but the moment I’m in right now is the one that counts.

I have wasted so many days of my life just going through a routine in search of the next step in life when really, I was always on the step I needed to be.  I’ve missed out on a number of amazing experiences because I was too focused on what was going to happen, where this path was leading.  I had a terrible Christmas in 2008 because I was longing for the experience we had the year prior when my entire family was together and wanting the next Christmas to come so it could be like that again.  I didn’t sit there and enjoy the fact I was with my loving mother and step-father and enjoy being with them.  I’ve had countless situations where I’ve been glued to my phone, trying to plan my next step in the day and completely ignoring the people and place I was currently.  I’ve sat at a table waiting for breakfast to be served, playing napkin football with a beautiful woman I loved and adored who was smiling and looking at me like only she could, and I was worried about what was of our future instead of just enjoying being with her, right at that moment.  I spent 5 hours and 45 minutes wogging a marathon (I REALLY need to do another one and crush that time), that I really just wanted to finish.  I never once looked around me and just looked straight ahead, focused on finishing, instead of breathing in the air of 30,000 other people who were joining me in the same crazy event and looking at the beautiful city of San Diego from a vantage point rarely seen by anyone else.  I’ve won regattas and never celebrated the victory because my mind was immediately focused on the next one.  I’ve been at concert festivals where I’m listening to someone I love so much but worried about what time it is so I can rush off to see someone else.  Countless times I’ve been stuck in traffic, with no choice but to just be, and I’m angry I can’t get to wherever it is I’m going, instead of sitting back, relaxing and enjoying the new CD I’d just purchased and appreciating the extra time I have to sing at the top of my lungs and do crazy car dancing, which I LOOOOVE doing.

I could name so many other situations and I know each of you can too.  There is something magical about “being present” that just makes you feel so amazing and feel so grateful and appreciative.  Will I ever be perfect at being in the now, being present and not rushing to the next thing?  Certainly not, but it’s definitely my new goal of practice and one I’m glad to take one minute at a time.  That moment in the restaurant with the beautiful girl, I was lucky to have captured that moment on camera.  I look back at it from time to time, not out of longing for that moment again but reminding myself, when I need reminding, that those moments are ones I must enjoy as they are happening because you never really know what’s going to happen in the future… so love that moment, in its moment.

On a less introspective note – I’m flying back to the US and I really do enjoy me some international travel on airlines not run by the US and not going anywhere near the US.  Everything feels so cheap and I’ve already had 15 minutes of ads for things of the like of Godiva thrown in my face without an ability to get rid of the images.  Well, I was typing instead of watching but the audio was over the speakers.  Gross!  I also miss the Airbus A380 TONS!  Every flight over 4 hours should be on one of those dreams.

Oh and Aileen gave me the new Adele album and Oh…EM… GEE!!  So good!  God that super young woman knows how to rip out your beating heart and make you stare at it in your hands.  I teared up and I wasn’t even thinking of anything, just playing FreeCell.  What the what?  Which, by the way, I’m on a 30 game winning streak or something.  I need to find something else because I’m pretty sure I’ve mastered that game.

Oceans and Sunsets

Here's another backwards, in time, blog entry! :)

Sunsets and Oceans

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

When I awoke today the first thought that crossed my mind as my eyes were half open and the parts that were exposed, a quarter sleepy, was that tomorrow, at this time, I’m going to be on my way to the airport to go home.  An immense excitement swept over me.  The  next moment I thought, “what am I going to do to enjoy my last day abroad?”

I arrived in Noordwijk, Netherlands yesterday, greeted by my long time friend, Aileen and it’s a small seaside town, much like Seaside or Cannon Beach in Oregon.  It’s tiny, a few strips with store fronts, beach clubs that are temporary restaurants set up for the peak season, excluding the one I sit in now, De Zeemeeuw, which is open year round, and vacation homes all around.  If there is one thing I’ve learned in my travels, it’s I like to walk the shit out of the cities I’m in.  As Aileen’s girlfriend, Florianne, left to support her friend who is suing the country for infringement on personal identity due to a new policy where everyone who applies to get a passport must have all of their finger prints taken and stored in some database, I headed off in the other direction to walk to the beach. 

I made my way to the beach front strip and found a book store, since I finished Veronika Decides to Die in a day (I need to stop doing that), purchased The Alchemist, which I’m also probably going to finish in a day and made my way through the dunes of the Netherlands coast.  It’s a beautiful morning, the sun rose and people of all ages and kinds were peddling their bikes along the path, some returning from running errands with bottles of milk clanking in the bags attached to the back of their bikes, some just enjoying the day, as I was.  I parked my ass on the sand, bundled up with my gloves, 4 layers of clothing and read my book until the tide came up to where I was sitting, which didn’t take more than a few pages of reading.

Amsterdam was filled with a disgusting hostel, lots of drinking of crappy beer, great times with amazing friends from all over Europe, beautiful woman in a LESBIAN bar (gasp, I know since that’s generally an oxymoron!), sweet kisses, almost getting into trouble in Absolute Danny for breaking (even though I didn’t) a pair of thigh high rubber boots, eating amazingly delicious dutch pancakes, walking, reading, relaxing oh and I wrote my first set of song lyrics!  Diana asked me if I would and said she would put the words to song so I’m pretty excited to see what she comes up with.  Poetry is usually what I’ve written in the past so it was a pretty smooth mental process once I had an idea.  I’m pretty sure I actually wrote it entirely when we were walking back from lunch to our gross hostel.  I will say, I wasn’t sad to say good bye to Amsterdam yesterday.

Today though, I couldn’t have asked for a better last day of adventuring, even though today, I’m doing exactly what I would do if I was on the other side of the world. 

Below is an entry I wrote a few days ago…

Xxx,
Bruised and excited to come home and see my loves!

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Are You Easy to Love?

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Call this a special Valentine’s Edition of my journal, which is only indirectly related to my travels.  I’ve been very reflective lately, wait, what am I talking about?  I’m always reflective, which is sometimes the death of me.  Rome asked this question to Mandy and Mary when she was driving them to Johannesburg and she asked me the same question days later and I’ve had to think about it.  “Are you easy to love?”  It’s not exactly an easy question to answer and chances are, if your answer involves a shit ton of caveats, even if you answered, “yes,” you’re not really.  So here’s my answer – Yes! 

Caveat time?  No, not exactly.  I have a heart that is probably bigger than my entire being and it’s mushy, really really mushy.  It’s important to me that all those in my life who I love, admire and appreciate know it as often as possible and I do my best to SHOW people how much they mean to me, not just tell them.  I’m an open book, honest and I’m not afraid to say what’s on my mind, whether it be saying, “I love you” or having the more difficult conversations.  Sometimes I fault myself for being too open and speaking my mind and heart too freely because it’s fucking scary sometimes.  I may be a feather, drifting with the wind at the moment but I know who I am, what I want out of my life, myself and my potential partner and it’s pretty fucking intense sometimes.  I wrote a letter a few months ago telling someone I had been in love with her since the day I met her.  I kicked myself in the ass about it a few weeks after but one of my friends reminded me, “you have strong feelings and no one can fault you for being yourself and saying what’s in your heart.”  Is it easy to deal with my intensity?  Probably not but time on this earth is short and I would rather tell someone how I feel rather than let countless days, weeks, months and years pass without ever saying a thing, at whatever the risk but sometimes I scare even myself with how intense I can get and not knowing how to dial it back. 

There’s love but then there’s also a relationship and am I easy to be with in one of those?  I have NO fucking idea!  My last serious relationship completely and totally changed me as a person, it took a very long time to regain who I was, and I don’t know if any residual effects have been left but I fear there are some.  I went from a completely confident, independent, self-assured person to one who was completely insecure, untrusting and dependant.  I was completely unlovable and I hated who I became.  After being in a ridiculously unhealthy relationship for almost a year and a half with someone who was a perpetual liar from day one, I about lost my marbles and became rather nuts.  My mom even voiced her concern at one point but I was completely blind to my changes.  It’s been my goal since then to not only get back to being me but being a better me.  I worry there are still some things I need to sort through but then I only know that once I’m dating someone I’m really into, which isn’t often, and then I worry I’ll lose someone amazing because I have to work to sort out past issues.  I know, if that person is really amazing they will be patient but I don’t want anyone to have to be patient with me.  I want to just be a ball of awesomeness from the start dammit! J  Now I’ve put myself in a situation where it’s almost impossible to get close to someone with all the travel plans I have in store.  I’m not traveling to keep people or my feelings at a distance but I can’t say that didn’t play a small role in my decision to do what I’m doing either.  This is a dream being realized and I’m so excited for it but that’s another thing that makes me easy to love but hard to actually get close to.  I do want to find someone to be close to though, who supports me in everything I want to do and someone whose dreams I can also support.  My days of gaily gallivanting around town are over since my recent past experiences have been nothing short of amazing on every imaginable level and anything else would just seem pointless and leave me feeling empty, physically, emotionally and mentally.  I’ve made a conscious decision to not sell myself short on any of life’s experiences and my relations with others being one of the big and potentially amazing experiences available.  So here I sit, alone, in my hostel room half way around the world from my home, listening to Adele (the old one but I cannot wait to get home and get the new one) knowing that things will all fall into place, when the time is right, when the person is right and when I’m ready because right now, as easy as I am to love, I’m not sure I’m ready to be loved, which makes me impossible to love. I guess my answer should be changed to "NO" then huh? ;)  

So, are you easy to love?

Oh and btw, Amsterdam, has been fun J

xxx,

Dirty

You Antwerp!

I've been having WAY too much fun gallivanting around Paris to even think about updating my journal, and I'm attempting to tackle the feat of capturing my reflections of Africa, which is seeming quite difficult and novel like, BUT, I do have some past journals from my adventures in Belgium so... enjoy!

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Hot Mess
03.February.2011

There’s something about an intended chill day versus one that’s not exactly planned.  I guess if I have an item on my bucket list, “drink my way through Belgium” it should be expected that at least one day will go to piss, so I’m not really surprised that today, I woke up at 2pm, only to promptly go back to sleep and not wake again until 5pm.  I did manage to eat a chocolate covered butter biscuit before my immediate nap though J I have not the foggiest idea how I managed to make it up the rickety, narrow, spiral staircase of the hostel in the early wee hours.  Was the sun coming up?  How did I manage to find my way home with no map, in the dark, not wearing my glasses?  I get lost and sometimes can’t find my way around when I’m sober, with map in hand and able to clearly see!  Aye!  Why I thought it a grand idea to leave my hostel at 1am with the bartender to head to the “rock bar” across town is also unknown to me but good times were had! 

There was this very nice gentleman who accompanied me to the “rock bar,” whose name escapes me right now, but he’s part of the national army reserve, older guy, loves his beer, was born, raised and has pretty much never left Brugge and gave me a fine walking tour of the entire city as we walked its empty cobblestone streets.  I think he knows every inch of history in this city and I can give a fine eating/drinking/entertainment tour of Seattle but I’ll be damned if I can point out anything historical or even give the full history of said historical place.  At one point in the night, I was a total hot mess, emotional and I’m pretty sure I cried when the hostel bartender, Evy, made some sort of mention that going to help people in Africa is pointless because they are useless, or something like that.  It pissed my pissed self off so what happens when that happens?  I cry. Ha.  I’m not sure when exactly we left the bar but her hippy looking friend, whose name I also don’t remember, was going to accompany me back to the hostel but he started to get a wee frisky with me and I promptly told him to piss off and that I’d find my own way back to the hostel.  Just as he went off in the other direction, I realized I lost the map.  Oops! 

Prior to the debauchery that was early this morning, I went out with a bunch of the people I befriended earlier in the day.

·         Melanie and Lilian - two adorable girls from New Zealand who have been European adventuring since November.  They are both 21 years old, Melanie studied psychology and early childhood development, and Lilian studied psychology and Japanese.  They’ve known each other since they were 12 and have traveled a few times together, most noteably this trip and also a 6 week journey to Thailand where they had some crazy adventures with “happy milkshakes.”  Ha!  After their travels, Lil is going to spend a year in Japan studying and Melanie is moving to Manchester to be with her boyfriend and then they are both trying to move elsewhere in Europe.  I spent a few hours talking with Mel over breakfast about her a 2 month trip she took to India where she worked in an orphanage and she continued her altruistic deeds in New Zealand and has volunteered with refugees for the past 3 years and has a dream of working at a refugee camp.  Some pretty incredible stuff for a girl so young.  Her parents have recently divorced and they both started going different places in the world to volunteer.  Her mom has been doing work in Cape Town and her dad is going to Thailand or Vietnam to teach for a year.

·         Fillipe - Brazilian who is in his final year of university in the Netherlands studying Agricultural something or other.  His mannerisms totally remind me of my friend Frank and he cracked me up. 

·         Anna and Emma - two sweet girls from Sweden who booked the trip to Brugge, drunk one night after Emma’s relationship fizzled to an end.  I talked mostly to Anna and she has convinced me I need to go to Sweden in the summer for their slew of music festivals.  Ok, fine… twist my arm!  They both can’t stand Robyn, who I of course had to mention since Robyn is the only thing I know from Sweden and well, I love her… bad!  Anna had this tobacco packet thingy that you stick in your lip/gum area, kinda like chew but it’s not chew.  Not going to lie, I tried it and it was WEIRD.  They were made illegal in Sweden because they are crazy addictive and it’s basically like getting just the little buzz from smoking but w/o the smoke or nasty chew flavor. 

·         Brittany – Solo traveler from Winnipeg, who just finished her bachelor program in kinesiology in Melbourne and is traveling for an undetermined amount of time.  

A few others went out with us but I didn’t get a chance to talk to them and one is this creepyish guy from Oklahoma who could’ve stayed back, for all I cared.  We head to the bar and as soon as the door is opened the overwhelming aroma of cigarette smoke waffs in our face and it was fucking gross.  Brittany exclaims, “there is no way I’m going back in that place tonight!  Last night was enough for me.”  I head over to a club that’s on the other side of the courtyard and stick my head in to take a whiff and it was way less terrible so Brittany and I head in there and it was probably the weirdest bar experience I have ever had.  I buy Brittany and myself a beer and we look around and it’s ALL dudes.  We counted maybe 3 or 4 other girls and the music was flaming gay dance music so all signs pointed to gay bar BUT the dudes were like beef steak rugby guys, very fratish and we heard glasses breaking, a lot of glasses breaking.  We were trying to figure out what was going on and thought the bar back was dropping shit but then we see a guy take his empty glass, raise it above his head and throw it on the ground.  Then another guy stacked 3 glasses and pushed them off the table.  Mel joined us and we all looked at each other like we had entered some other planet.  Brittany asks one guy, “what’s up with breaking the glasses?”  “What broken glasses?” he asked.  “The ones you just threw on the ground?!?” Another glass is thrown, bounces of Brittany’s leg and smashes on the floor. Immediately we chug what’s left of our beers and leave and decided it was just time to turn in so we headed back to the hostel.  Well, they turned in… I already said what happened with the rest of my night.

This city is fantastic for aimless walking, which I’ve done tons of.  At the beginning of the day I managed to finally get some French fries from the cart on the right and good god these people love their mayo.  Imagine an ice cream scoop w/ whipped cream smothered all over it.  Now replace the ice cream with fries and the whipped cream with mayo.  I ate chocolate at the Chocolate Line, which is one of 4 chocolate shops in Brugge that actually makes their own chocolates and Mel, Lil and I grabbed a drink at the oldest bar in Brugge, since our plan to do the brewery tour failed due to them being closed.

Currently I’m sitting in an Italian type joint now, which I wish I would’ve walked passed.  As soon as I entered it smelled like a blanket farts that were left marinating for a few hours.  It’s too small to just turn around and leave and I’m not feeling like being a dick today.  This may be the worst vegetarian lasagna I’ve ever had and the music, oh god the music!  They are playing adult contemporary so that means lots of terrible MJ (his bad stuff), Celine Dion, Shania Twain and only god knows what else.  The low hum of the Laundromat is much desired right now. 

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Not Quite the World at My Feet

Sunday, 06.02.2011

I was done with Brugge.  It’s very cute, medieval, I met some incredibly awesome people, but it was time to move onto the next city, which at first, I didn’t think I wanted to do.  I mentioned to Anna and Emma, my new friends from Sweden, that I was contemplating a trip to Antwerp and Anna boldly exclaimed, “COME WITH US!”  The excitement was a bit much for my cocktail of Belgium beer soaked hung the eff over brain so I said I needed to sleep on it.  No, I didn’t!  Well, I did but I really didn’t.  I woke early the next morning, showered (first time dudes were in the shower area the same time as me.. WEIRD!) grabbed some of the free breakfast from the Snuffle Hostel, where we were all staying and booked a hotel for the next 2 nights in Antwerp.  The cost was a bit much but I justified booking the Park Inn, just outside Antwerpen Central Station, because I wanted a bed to myself (no bunk!), a room to myself and a shower that was hot, powerful, had a continuous flow of water and didn’t leak all over the floor.  Holy heaven on earth! 

I told Anna and Emma when they came down for breakfast and excitement was in the air.  We hung out with Brittany for a bit more while the girls did some laundry, said our good byes, or in my case, “see you in a few days in Paris” and headed to the train station.  I managed to FINALLY get a waffle on the way and stopped by the post office to gather the small item I’m collecting from each of the cities I adventure and THEN we hit the train platform.  I love ALL the graffiti along journey from Brugge to Ghent to Antwerp.  It’s everywhere, on the bridges, the side of the platforms, the trains themselves and it just all awesome.  I’m trying to snap as much of it as I can but it’s hard.

We get to Antwerp and are in complete awe of the shear beauty of the train station.  I thought the train station in Koln, Germany was impressive but WOW.  It underwent massive construction over the past 5 years and it’s completed state is really quite beautiful, inside, outside, looking up, down, to either side of you, it’s just incredible.  I checked into the hotel and then we headed to explore on foot, which is pretty much all we do everywhere we go.  On Meir Straat is where all the major shopping is and it houses a massively gorgeous mall with stone work out front and gold tile inlays in the entrance.  Waffles were the mission though, with strawberries and whipped cream so we stopped at a few on the way towards old town and finally found what we were looking for, in the midst of getting blown over by the ridiculous wind.  This is not typically a windy city, just like Lesotho doesn’t typically rain like a bitch for days on end in the summer.  I’m apparently lucking out left and right with weather, which is probably preparing me for whatever madness will be India in June-Sept and SE Asia during the typical monsoon season.

As we get to old town I see a perfume shop and I’m dying to go in so we do and find it’s an exclusive store of In Fine where they have this extensive sales pitch and “experience” they want to run you through with breakfast, wine, sniffing, your psychological profile based on what you like and blah blah.  *sprits* *sprits* and we’re off.   Anna is fiending for some Asian cuisine so we head back towards my hotel and enter China town, which is just on the other side of the square.  I was telling them about the China town in San Francisco, which is unbelievable and unfortunately, Antwerp’s is probably worse than Portland’s.  It’s about a block or two long and there is probably one “happy endings” massage parlor and a handful of really expensive restaurants.  China town, expensive?? What?!  Usually these types of places don’t excite me much but Emma had never used chop sticks before, nor had she ever received a fortune cookie post a meal, which baffled me, until we didn’t get a fortune cookie at this place.  Mother!  Time wound down and they needed to catch their train to Essen to meet some guys so we said our good byes and it was weird since we had just spent the last few days together and now, who knows when we’ll see each other again.  I wasn’t sad though because I know we will, whether they come to the States or I head to Sweden during a summer to attend a music festival with them.  We will see each other again!

Yesterday felt like I did nothing until I wrote it all down on my Incredible while sipping a De Konik at a gay bar.  Here’s what it looked like:

Woke early to darkness (it doesn’t begin to get light until about 8am), showered, blew dry my hair AND put on make up (first time in 2 months), walked outside and almost got blown over, surrendered to wearing my beanie, yet again.  I walked to the diamond district, expecting to find everything a bustle but it was dead and apparently closed Saturdays BUT open on Sundays, headed to the open air market in the Theater Plein and was completely blown away by how amazingly incredible it was.  I bought ingredients for a later park sitting lunch of duck sausage, cheese and freshly made bread then a quarter kilo of apple filled, HOT AND FRESH waffles then found a place that was selling small and large bowls of Escargot soup and filled my tummy with a small one of those for my breakfast.  Oh my god it was all so delicious!  I found a fruit stand and wanted to purchase an apple and the kid, who barely spoke English, looked at me like I was crazy for not wanting a full kilo but he weighed my apple and then sent me on my way with a gift of a free apple for my snack.  Walked in a accidental circle, AGAIN, god damn you Belgium, found the main theater that has a café in the breath taking foyer, drank a mocha, read my book but the place was too posh and snooty so I left.  Walked towards old town and saw a cool shop with clothing from a Belgium brand, Chosen, made by a female designer, talked to the sales guy, Tony, who enjoys going to Hermosa Beach, CA to surf during the summer months and he told me about some club night and wrote the name of the place for me.  Walked towards the river and saw a poster for said club, Café D’Anvers, and it said there was some circus performance that night… SOLD!  Proceeded with my very blustery walk to the river promenade, looked out at the water for some time and then decided warmth was needed and entered a gay bar called Popi where an adorable boy, Lennart, was working behind the bar.  I grabbed a De Koninck, local brewed Antwerp beer, and talked to Lennart for some time about world and local politics, health care and unemployment for our respective countries and whatever else.  He suggested I go to the Fashion Museum where Steve Jones had a display of his hats and also that Café D’Anvers. 

Some wretched guys came into the bar, who looked fun at first but after talking with them, were complete dicks.  A few anti-Semitic comments were made, one of the guys said something lewd to me in Flemish, which he then translated, and I gave him a look of disgust.  They made some comment about me being a solo female traveler and that they commended me and then my desire to leave promptly made me a bit nervous they would follow me.  I looked at Lennart and told him the stuff they were saying and he said he’d kick them out but at that moment, the guys finished their drinks, I’m pretty sure they heard what Lennart and I said, and they bid a farewell, a much much welcomed farewell.  It was the only gross part of my day but made me realize I am really going to have to stay on my toes and watch myself and what I do and make sure I don’t get myself into any sticky situations or if I do, can manage to get out of them.  I’m by no means a man hater, some of my best friends are men, gay or straight, but this bull shit would NEVER happen with a woman to a man or a woman to a woman and it makes me feel slightly disgusted with dudes.  I don’t want to feel like I can’t trust any of them but really, I don’t.  We’ll see how that transpires over the next few months and additional journeys.  Maybe I need to spend 3 months in Seattle learning Krav Maga prior to leaving for India?

Anyway, I left Lennart’s bar and headed to the fashion museum, which I had a hard time finding because the first floor looks like any old store front.  Lennart said it would only take about 30 minutes to go through the exhibit so I gave myself about 45 but found that even that wasn’t enough, to really enjoy the different pieces, look at the descriptions of each and watch the video of Steve Jones.  I may go to a masquerade party when I’m back in Seattle and I did get a wee bit of inspiration from one of this hats.  That man is just amazing, the exhibit was quite wonderful, and I highly suggest it.  Maybe don’t go with only 45 minutes left of them being open though J

I stopped by some restaurant in an alley, that was nothing spectacular so I didn’t catch the name, and grabbed a caprese sandwich to go and headed back to the hotel to check out the club night. Called my sister on skype and talked to her for a bit and finally managed to get in touch with Martina, even if only for a hot second.  I found the site for the club and after learning the event they throw on Saturday was from 11pm to 7am, I decided against it.  I’d already pissed away a day in Brugge, I much more enjoy day time activities at this stage in my life and from my world travels already, a club scene is a club scene so I opted for an early night in. Plus, the 3 beers at Popi were enough for alcohol ingestion for one day.  Oh and watch where you step in Belgium.  Dogs shit EVERYWHERE!

xxxo

not so dirty but still bruised

Found an old blog from Lesotho

Well, can it really be considered "old" since it's only a month or so old?  Anyway, I KNEW I had written a blog the day I found out Rosemary had not passed Form C and below, is it.  I'll post more about my Belgium adventures later.  I'm back to writing in Word wherever I'm at be it a cafe, train station, train... you get the picture.  So I'll compile online when I can.  So here's an oldy but goody! ;)

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Take 2!

Tuesday, 11.01.2011

Seeing as how there is an asinine time difference, I woke up, the Oregon/Auburn game was underway, and I awoke to a score update, courtesy of Leah, to Ann.  I threw on all the yellow and green I could, down to my sports bra and gum boot socks, including the new snazzy shirt I purchased and headed out to work.  Deep into fence frame setting Ann came and said, “omg, it was so close! With 10 seconds left, game tied and Auburn on the ½ yard to goal and 4^th down they kicked a field goal and took the score, 22-19.”  I fell to the poo smelling mud and yelled “NOOOoOOOoOOoOoOoOoooo!”  Bummer #1 of the day.

Bummer #2 – Form C (basically like “sophomore” year in high school) results were released today and “kids” find out if they pass and moved onto the next grade.  My favorite girl, Rosemary, who is the most amazing worker and kind person I’ve met who has this striking face with a perma scowl, which adds greatly to her appeal, failed. 

Rosemary is an orphan, which is weird to say because she is 20 years old but was orphaned at 16.  Because both of her parents are dead, she is part of a government program called “man power” and they pay for school and room and board, unless they don’t pass their classes, and it doesn’t matter the circumstances.  Today, she was basically told she can’t return to Holy Names unless she can pay for herself and has to find a new place to live.  Her sister-in-law and she don’t get along AT ALL, her sister, who lives in Maseru, has a young son and her husband passed away last year so she can't help.  Everyone of authority at the school is about 90% sure she is HIV positive and was struck with repeated illness this year, which didn’t help with her studies.  I had NO idea she was potentially HIV positive (or at least just a very sick person) until I mentioned to Rome I was interested in helping her and the moment she told me I had to use every bit of wee energy I had left to fight back tears.  When I’m given a directive for the day, I know I can take on double the work because she is my right hand woman and can manage whatever project I give her with which ever people I provide for the job.  She not only gets it done, but perfect and with incredible speed.  Seeing her today, post results, broken in tears completely shattered my heart and I knew something else had to be going on… little did I know. 

Best part of my day:  Telling Sr. Catherine and Rosemary that I would sponsor her, tuition and room/board, for an additional year. (Manpower will reinstate her sponsorship if she passes this year).

The moment I told her, her tears didn’t stop but she hugged me and said, “I will work so so very hard.”  I told her, “I have not a single doubt in my mind you will, which is why I know you deserve another chance.”

Delirium

Two posts in one day, crazy, I know, but I'm feeling the need to document, apparently.  First day in Belgium was really... really... REALLY chill.  How chill?  Besides walking around in circles, lost and trying to ground my sense of direction, which I think may be fruitless, I napped F-O-R-E-V-E-R!  Covered head-to-toe in everything I wore on the plane, plus some layers, I laid on my top bunk bed (weird yeah??) and curled up as much as I could in the thin sheets and blankets they provide at the hostel and SLEPT!  After waking and becoming coherent I decided it high time I figure out something to do, besides chilling on the top bunk of the female dorm.

This city is dead, which is really when I like to travel.  I hate tourists, in Seattle I hate them, I hate being one, so I try to blend in as much as possible but I have a feeling I SCREAM "UNITED STATES," well not as much as some red necked prick wearing an american flag hat but you know, I scream Seattle. :)  This is also officially my first time traveling abroad alone and I've learned I'm no longer nervous trying to navigate around foreign places, like I used to be and as long as I'm in france or germany, I can at least say a few things but Flemish, I know not.  Not only do I not know it, Lonely Planet's "helpful phrases" AREN'T in Flemish!  WTF Lonely Planet... you suck.  This is another transition for me as I've been surrounded by people, well at least one person, at all times, for the past 2 months and my "me" time has been non-existent.  Now, I'm a fan of my "me" time, a BIG fan but I'm struggling slightly today, wandering around by myself.  It donned on me, a few hours into my lost circle walking, that this is what I need.  This is exactly why I have planned to travel India by myself.  You learn more about yourself when in uncomfortable, or at least, new situations and I know there is still some digging I must do.  I wish it was a bit warmer so my brain wasn't frozen by the time I got to some cafe to sit, think and/or read though but alas, it's what I've got right now.  I almost want to use this time to reflect more so than explore, which I know is weird, and that plan may change, but sitting in a dark pub, cafe or tea room, writing, just seems pretty perfect.  The cobble stone streets are so quaint, the streets are gorgeous, the rivers are amazingly cute, the mist from the sky is soothing and the fact I can't understand a single person around me, keeps my inwardly focus.

I was attempting to find this place in one of the guide books I read that supposedly sells really cheap and great pancakes and fries (cheap is GREAT especially when the prices I'm looking at are Euro and not Rand) but they kitchen was closed so I walked down the street to a cute little looking place and took a seat in the back.  I ate my croque madame, drank my tea w/ my biscuit and talked to the owner of the restaurant.  It was called Bien Soigné and the adorable owners name is Tatia, who is from Portugal but her mother is a white woman from Mozambique.  I was completely shocked when she said her place had only been open for 7 days because she had her shit so together, from the customer perspective.  She has aspirations to visit her mother's home and meet her relatives from the Southern part of Africa but right now, she's focused on ensuring the success of her restaurant and taking care of her family.  At some point, her husband walked in, gave her a kiss and helped her clean up and get ready to close.  She was really sweet and she ended up giving me an extra egg liquor on the house, which really, we need all tea in the US to be served with one of those!  Nomnomnom!

I came back to the hostel and I'm currently sitting here, debating whether to be social, drinking a Delirium and getting sleepy again.  I think a nights sleep will do me good, as will the walk outside to the shower area on the other side of the hostel.  Ummm... brrrrr!

Oh.. I think I need someone to give me a quick summary of what the fuck has happened in the US in the past 2 months.  Keith Olbermann fired from MSNBC and NOT over the political contributions?!  What?

Kiss with a Fist

From board shorts/bikini top/flip flops to COVERED HEAD TO TOE!  My tan is destined to fade, god damnit!  I left Tessa and Megan and well, Cape Town yesterday, reluctantly and upon the Air France Airbus A380 taking off, a few tears streamed down my cheeks because the reality of leaving Africa hit, which also means I have no fucking clue when I’ll be back, which means I don’t know when I’ll see my friends in Lesotho again.  Emotional ball of mush I am!  The plane was magical!  OH…EM…GEE Airbus!  Way to go!  Boeing better get their shit out there and quick because flying in coach was a dream, especially since the flight was ½ booked and everyone pretty much had their own row.  I slept almost the entire duration of the flight, minus the few hours in the beginning I managed to get some food, wine and champagne down the chop and watch Social Network.  Eye masks are my new favorite thing, as is the Airbus A380 and empty planes. J  We landed to an announcement of 24 degrees and bloody effin snow on the ground!  Hey yo!  This is a change from the past 2 months! It was almost 90 and crystal clear blue skies in Cape Town/Joburg when I left.  Currently, I can’t feel my face after waiting only 5 minutes on the platform for my train to Brussels to arrive, which is good, because I managed to punch myself in the face with my water bottle, empty, THANK GOD, as I was throwing my bag into the overhead storage compartment.  I didn’t feel a thing but the sting of my nose piercing, which I have also learned, effective minutes ago, feels REALLY weird in below freezing temps.  Once I arrive in Brussels, I’m catching another train to Bruges, where I am going to spend the next few days, exploring and decompressing, by myself - a perfect way to transition from Africa to meeting up with friends and FINALLY meeting Marta after 12 years!  It was bitter sweet leaving Africa but goddamn I’m excited to see my friends I haven’t seen in ages, or EVER.

Cape Town was amazing.  The people are wonderful, the city is BEYOND beautiful and if I can manage to find a way to do it like that one yoga teacher did, I would love to live there post travels.  I don’t enjoy the racial divide and the “black fearing” rich, snooty, white man… at all, in fact, I hate it, especially since I’m far from a fearer of anyone.  On my last full day in town Tess, Megan and I went wine tasting, which was fun and as all wine tastings go, but at one of our stops a man offered to take our picture and afterwards asked how long we’ve been in South Africa.

                “We’ve all been here different lengths of time but all 3 of us were in Leostho volunteering anywhere from 2 weeks to 3 momths,” answered Tessa.

Behind his shades you could feel the disgust and confusion for why we, 3 white girls, would go to a impoverished, predominately black country.  This was not the first time we had that sort of reaction when we told people what we were doing in Southern Africa and it made me sick to my stomach.  I know either Bokong’s brother or sister lives in Cape Town and the whole time I was wondering what he/she was doing there and would have loved to meet up, I wondered what the kids would think if we took them to the cliffs of Cape Good Hope to see the infinite liquid horizon, I imagined them going nuts in the music store listening to all the different house music, I’m sure they hadn’t heard yet and here was this jack ass, glaring at us when all I wanted was for our friends to be with us.  It made me feel gross for sharing his same skin color.  Guh…

The three of us drank, ate, walked a lot, rode bikes alongside the road that ran parallel to white sandy beaches, saw tons of wildlife (ostrich, baboons, some little creatures I forgot the name of on our hike up Cape Good Hope), put our feet into the freezing Atlantic, watched our first sunset over the Atlantic, cooked breakfast, attempted to go kayaking on a ridiculously windy day, saw penguins during our land travels, since kayaking didn’t take place, listened to music, talked about our trip, our lives and our futures.  On the wine tour, during the introductions in the car, all the Germans were deep into their careers or finishing their studies in the likes of law, economics or finance, and others were taking time to teach English in Korea and the 3 americans, well, we’re deep into transitional periods of our lives where adventure and change is ruling our path.  Those two girls are gold!  It’s wonderful to find people who are great to travel with and the fact they are just amazing makes them precious new additions to my life.  I can’t wait to travel with the sisters again! J

Sometimes I feel like I’m that unstable, directionless person because I don’t have the life I once did, which was the “responsible” way to live a life but then I take a step back, usually while overlooking a countryside from the top of the hill, look at who and what I’m surrounded by and can’t help but think, “my life is fucking amazing.”  I don’t know what I want to do when I’m done with my travels, if they are ever done, but I know what I want to do NOW and that’s such a refreshing change for me.  When I dated Number 1 I was the super high strung type A and she was super chill and I remember, quite vividly a conversation we were having about all the things I wanted to do and she said, “baby, you know, you don’t have to do EVERYTHING right now!”  I got mad at her for not supporting my dreams but years after we broke up, I realized how right she was and how stressed out I had become, which in turn made me that raging bitch face Rome talked about.  Enjoying these moments, right now, with who I’m with and where I am, without worrying about what’s going to happen next is amazing. 

I have no idea what I’m going to do in Bruges today and no idea how long I’m staying here and no idea if I’m going to stay here longer or find a place to stay in Antwerp or Brussels before heading to Paris and that my friends, is awesome!  Live each moment, be in that moment and don’t try to rush from one thing to the next.  Take a moment, look around, breath, smile and enjoy.