Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo Day 1 - Change the Mind, Change the World

Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo, the first female, western ordained buddhist nun, is in Dharamkot doing a 2 day teaching and I put a pause on this weeks Iyengar course so I could attend each of the 4, 2 hour long teaching/meditations.  I told a few people I would take notes so here are the highlights that stuck with me as she was speaking.  Tushita will be posting the audio files online and I'll link to those as soon as they have them on the site.  Day 1 and I LOVED it and her!  She's quite the character and really lovely. Here is some more information on her, if you're curious.

Morning session

• Where we really live 24/7 is in our minds and we give so little attention to creating well-being where we truly reside and spend too much time focusing on the outside
• Who we are is in the mind not in the body
• We are slaves to our mind, we are not the masters, which is why we say and do what we don’t necessarily want
• The good news - the nature of our mind is completely pure, illumines and clear
• **Change the mind, change the world**
• There are 2 levels of meditation in Buddhism:
• 1^st – to remain calm and peaceful (single pointed)
• 2^nd- Vipasana – look into the deeper depths of oneself
• To gradually quiet the inner chatter, focus on the breath
• Issues that may arise are getting fascinated with the psychic events/feelings that occur and gets unfocused on everyone and just oneself
• 4 feels that are ok and positive to dwell and cultivate with others:
• Love and kindness
• Compassion
• Empathetic Joy
• Impartiality

Love and Kindness

• Love = Goodwill towards others, the wish others are happy and delight in their happiness
• The first object of wishing is oneself, not to be contradictory with always putting others as more important than oneself and always giving victory to others.  When that was originally talked of, it was not with the knowledge that people suffer inside and think negative thoughts and have low self esteem so we must be happy within ourselves first
• Give yourself love, compassion, rejoicing in the goodness of ourselves
• If we do not feel genuine love in our heart for ourselves we cannot give it to anyone else
• If you don’t believe in ourselves, who will?

Afternoon Session

• It is important to enjoy doing whatever it is you’re doing because you’ll do it well
• Dhamma should be fun and making our life light, not heavier
• Mostly, we just live on the surface of our minds and we have no idea what’s in the deeper depths of our mind
• Meditation = path of discovery
• The beauty of a journey is not in the destination but in the journey itself
• Do everything with no expectations.  The moment we try to super impose hopes and expectations, the doors close down because our ego takes over
• The thinking mind cannot meditate and cannot be present in the moment… there is no “now” because as soon as you look for the “now” it’s gone.
• Mindfulness is being present and aware of the present moment without comment
• Our breath is our gateway into the “now” because we cannot break in the past and we cannot breath in the future.
• Thoughts are not the enemy.  Our goal is not to be thoughtless, our identification with the thoughts is the problem

Compassion

• Understand the underlining dissatisfaction which is always prevalent as long as we are delusional
• As long as we remain in a state of unknowing we cannot go beyond dissatisfaction

Panic at the Disco

Is it funny that everyone in Seattle is actually counting the minutes of summer felt thus far this year and I’m chilling on my patio, immersed in thick fog rolling in and out of the hillside, it’s been pouring rain all day and I’m totally loving every bit of this?  I actually bought my first umbrella today for the first time in… uh… I don’t even know when.  It’s huge and it’s rainbow and I call it my “Big Gay Umbrella.”  Creative name isn’t it and I love it.

I’ve been in Dharamkot for 5 days and it’s been quite the experience thus far and I may be understating the fact that I love it.  Now, Dharamsala is the main town, which is about 11km from where I am on the hillside.  It’s where most of the locals live, there is the hospital, the big bank and where all business takes place.  This is not where I am.  Up what I’m assuming is a very steep hill (I don’t remember because I was passed out until we arrived), is McLeod Ganj, which is where the hub of this area rests.  It’s touristy as fuck!  The square where the roads to Dharamkot, Bhagsu and Dharamsala meet, is cluttered with the hustle and bustle of shops, restaurants, western unions, travel agents, bodegas and tourists, EVERYWHERE, tourists!  Don’t get me wrong, we are in exiled Tibetan capital of the world and there is definitely a sighting of maroon draped robes over shaven headed bodies but it’s not as prevalent as I thought it would be.  When we got here, the Dalai Lama, who resides here in Tsuglagkhang Buddhit Temple in McLeod Ganj, was visiting with Obama in the US but during my incredibly horrific hangover on Wednesday, he arrived back in Dharamsala and Aishwarya got to see him from his vehicle as he returned.  I also learned last night he will be giving a 3 day teaching seminar at the end of August/beg of September, just days after Cat and I finish our Vipasana retreat and I’m currently figuring out how to pay the group sponsoring his teaching so I can attend.  If that’s not an amazing bucket item list to cross off, I don’t know what is!  The area is catered heavily to all the people who come to begin their multi-day treks in the Himalayas so there are tons of shops with knock off North Face apparel and all the usual jewelry stores and Tibetan fabric shops.  I will say, the lack of cows and therefore, cow shit, is a nice change of pace and I don’t seem to get almost run over with every second that passes I try to walk from place to place but there are nightly dog fights outside our guest house. 

Just off the square is the road up to Dharamkot and as you ascend you can see all the buildings below draped with Buddhist prayer flags across the hillside.  The road is very narrow and for the most part, is in ruins with only a little bit of it paved and the rest is huge pot holes with exposed rock and massive chunks taken out of the path.  Along one side of the street is a mess of pipes clustered together that I’m going to assume are water pipes and they run almost the entire length of the road coming from Dharamkot.  I’ve only been down this road a few times, because as I’ve stated, I can’t stand being in shop riddled touristy places, but each time I have and take a tuktuk up the road, I’m in utter shock that it makes it up the hill.  These holes in the road must be as big as some of these things that trudge up the hill in the lowest gear possible.  The buildings in the area are all colorful, ranging from light to bright pinks, greens, yellow, blue and they are all scattered across the hillside.  As you come into Dharamkot there are 2 small roads that take you to 2 of the main parts of the town.  I have only ventured down one, the one we’re staying on. I know, I know, I need to get out more!  The street is lined with guest houses and cafés of various sorts, all serving the usual flair of Indian cuisine, Israeli, Chinese, Tibetan, Italian and of course, there has to be a tattoo parlor.  I will say, I ventured in one day to figure out what the fuck to do with these things on my back that are seeming to have no story behind them and while I won’t get the work finished here, I now have a solid vision that will properly capture the story of my past and mix with the story of my present.  Tats are not much cheaper here than in the US so I’m in no rush.

I took a few days off from writing this blog post, originally started on the 23^rd, because whilst sitting in Sanji’s Milkyway, one of our regular spots and adjacent to our guest house, it got insanely packed with hippie Israeli’s and they hot boxed the place with hash and I, needless to say, totally lost my focus on writing.  I’m currently sitting on the outside patio of the Krishna Café, which has AMAZING Tibetan momo’s, well I think anyway, I only have one other place to compare them with, and rain is trickling from the sky, clouds are sweeping in and out of the hillside and it’s just beautiful.  This place is quiet and I never see more than a few people here, since it’s up the hill a bit and away from a majority of the fan fare, which is where I’m staying.  Jade and I managed, or I should really say Jade managed, to find a really great location for us to stay.  As with all accommodations on this trip, it’s simple, a big firm foamed bed, a plastic chair, a small book shelf and a bathroom with HOT WATER!  I think I already mentioned that but I feel it necessary to mention again.  Now that I’m in a location where not all my food/accommodations are already paid I’ve decided to actually, for the first time in my life, live on a budget, which I’m allotting myself 500INR a day, which is roughly $11 a day for food and housing.  $11 a day people!  I’m living comfortably, although not luxuriously, and eating very well and that includes countless chai that I can’t seem to get enough of.  This expense I’m putting on top of whatever already planned yoga course/workshop I’ve opted to attend.

Speaking of yoga, I have taken a liking to the Iyengar course and after our first 5 days of the beginner session is complete, I’m excited to see what the next week brings.  Gabby and her friend Jonathan decided to opt out of the trek with a bunch of our other friends in Kashmir, for various reasons, and stay with us and Aishwaraya, so it’s been a yoga filled fun time with good friends.  In order to do ANYTHING else at this Iyengar facility, started by one of B.K.S. Iyengar’s long time students, you have to complete 3 5 day “beginner” courses.  Aside from the fact the sub teacher (Sharat is away teaching in Europe) had us doing 35 bow poses on the 3^rd day, I’d say beginner is quite accurate.  I’ve taken some Iyengar classes in the states and I’m going to venture to say, none of them were true Iyengar, unless you count just whipping out the use of a strap is Iyengar.  The focus on alignment is pretty intense, especially w/ the feet and extending the toes, although I hear in weeks 2 and 3 will be even more so, the poses are held for at the very least a minute, some 25 minutes, and yes, props galore are used.  We have this cute eastern European teacher, who I don’t even think told us her name. The participants were all pretty low key, excluding one creeper dude from the US who looks like he’s been to one too many Burning Man’s and is on a mission to hit on every woman in sight and these 4 older Russian woman, who not only don’t speak a lick of English but don’t pay attention to the demonstrations in class, don’t try to really do anything properly, even after one of the students translates for them, leave their cell phones on and talk incessantly.  I’m looking forward to them moving on to other things next week. J  Now for those who know me know I LOVE vigorous ANYTYHING, rowing, running, sex, yoga, drinking, inappropriate talk… you name it.  Iyengar is the complete opposite of rigorous BUT the focus I’ve been able to have on a single pose is phenomenal, I found I’ve been fucking up my triangle pose all these years AND I’ve already noticed insane increases in certain forms of flexibility with just the 5, 3hr days.  We get through *maybe* 7 poses in the course of those 3 hours and after my personal practice this morning, I did find where we’ve missed some spots and where poses lack in the series they teach.  I’ve learned quite a bit though but I’m still tossed up though on whether I want to actually dive into a 3 week intensive but I’m going to see what the universe has in store for me with that.  They have only 4 spots left and on Aug 16 I go into Vipasana meditation with Cat and at the end of that, Sarah and I find out if we’re one of the top 5 to be selected for a travel blogging position in Japan that would take me to Japan by way of Bangkok Sept 15.  I’m in no rush to try to register though and have tons of other options of things to do and I can always do another intensive at another time if I desire.  I did get my first sucking by a leech on the walk to the Himalayan Institute on my birthday, that was rad… or NOT!

The Vipasana center is right up the street from where I’m staying, which I’m getting both nervous and excited for, but right next to it is a Buddhist Meditation Center called Tushita and they have a number of activities always going like morning guided meditations, movies twice a week, guest speakers and what not, that you can attend anything by donation.  I’ve already seen 2 movies and after the last one, “Discovering Buddhism: Transforming Problems,” our group of friends had a really nice discussion with a monk afterwards on thoughts/questions it triggered, things we wanted clarification and then between us, we did a comparison with yogic/hindi philosophy/teachings.  I will say, I’m open to learn more about Buddhism but so far, I really enjoy the positivity surrounding yoga and the message of both are the same but Buddhism focuses so much on “suffering” that it’s not really resonating with me. I like thinking I am you and you are me and we’re all the same in the state of universal consciousness, we are not our bodies, our mind or our emotions, we are much deeper and much more connected than that.  It’s beautiful, this yoga stuff. J  This Thursday/Friday a Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo will be speaking and we will all be attending the second session after yoga. So many learning opportunities here it’s CRAZY!

My 31^st birthday went off with little fan fare, much unlike every other year in my adulthood.  We had plans to go on an adventure drive with Sanji, the guy who owns the café we frequent, but people got sick, people bailed and then, in a rush of Israeli trekkers, he was so swamped he couldn’t step away like he wanted.  It was 3pm and I saw my day disappearing into my room on the internet, just as so many other days and I was a moping mess.  Little did I know the wonderful surprises my new wonderful friends from Yog Peeth planned.  Prior to dinner they dragged me into Jade’s room and handed me a plate, filled with HobNobs covered in Nutella, bananas and candles!  They sang a very surprised me happy birthday and I already felt like a schmuck for being such a soggy brat all day.  We walked to the Krishna Café, where I’m typing now, and had a wonderful dinner and then they presented me w/ a sapphire necklace that an astrologer said would do all the necessary work needed!  Gabby made the knotted holder for the sapphire and jonathan made the necklace part.  It was so very sweet and thoughtful and I was shocked!  When I spoke to Sanjay’s guru he stated I’m going through some very hard times right now, which is true, I guess, but also not.  I asked about my reactionary attachment/detachment issues, I’m assuming fueled by an early abandonment by a one of the parents, and he stated I would need to buy a 7ct dark sapphire and wear it as a silver ring on my right ring finger.  Wow, thanks guru for telling me to buy a stone just shy in lavishness and expense of a diamond!  So the thoughtfulness behind the gift Gabby, Jade, Jonathan and Aishwaraya gave me was so wonderful my thanks couldn’t be put to words.  Gabby gave it to me and said, “now you don’t have to spend $15k on a sapphire or chant the Saturn mantra forever!” J So my birthday evening was rather wonderful and I learned I still need to work on holding onto expectations of “plans,” well, of everything really.  I’ve gotten pretty good at being flexible but you know, I always make a big deal of my birthday so when nothing happens, this Leo is not a happy camper but I really need to chill and enjoy what I’m doing at that very moment and understand whatever is happening is exactly as it’s supposed to happen. 

Yesterday I decided to get a post birthday massage at The Sanctuary across the street and a very attractive, calm mannered man named Anand is the aryuvedic/thai massage therapist, as well as yoga teacher, and he gave me what could potentially be the weirdest and I think most wonderfully amazing massage ever?  I’m not sure exactly how I feel about it but I will say, if I choose to actually schedule another one with him, I will feel like I’m knowingly hiring someone for 3 hours of foreplay, which I don’t do.  One time, it was a nice… I guess, surprise but a second time, I don’t think so.  Very little wasn’t covered and it wasn’t awkward at all but yeah, like I said, I’m still tossed up on how I feel about the experience. I will say I need to find a lover who knows how to massage like that though!  Jeez!

Today has been a mix of weird and off – I had night terrors about my family and another thing the guru told me a week ago, woke me from my sleep – “you are currently being betrayed by a loved one.”  That didn’t rattle me at all until my subconscious decided it wanted to freak out in the middle of the night last night.  I also had a REALLY weird release during Chakrasana where my entire front body felt this intense crazy tingly sensation.  We went to meditation and while waiting for breakfast I started feeling this terrible dread and knew, from past experience, I was on the verge of a panic attack.  It didn’t help that I was starving and all I had ingested was chai but I knew I had to jet.  I ate as quickly as possible, headed up to my room and almost burst into tears for only god knows what reason.  I used to be plagued by those a few years ago but I honestly can’t remember the last time I had one and it terrified me.  I don’t know if it’s the insane energy of being in a city filled with devout Buddhists and exiled Tibetans, all that I’m learning, all the transformations of my body and mind or really, just all of it compounded, but I needed to take a step back and just chill today.  James is my savior and helped talk me out of it by reading me headlines from US Weekly and telling me about all the wonderful things he’s doing at home and adventures he has planned.  I love him!  I had my worst one about 10 years ago (omg, 10 years ago?!) and he sat with me the entire night and helped pull me from wherever my non-physical being had gone.  I realized I hadn’t had a day to myself, really to myself, since a few weeks before I left Seattle so on his recommendation, I’m having a “Seattle Jess” day in India.  I read for a majority of it and now, I’m at a café, reading and writing, eating delicious food and sipping chai, exactly as I would do at home.  It’s wonderful and melding the life of Seattle me and India me will need to be essential to me not going crazy while I’m experiencing so much.  My almost break down today is what is making me slightly nervous for Vipasana but that’s why I came here, to dig into my deepest self and figure out who I really am and tackle all that ails and come out a better person for me and for everyone around me.  Let the real adventures begin!

The sun is peaking out for the first time since I’ve been here (although I hear it made a cameo yesterday while I was getting sensually manhandled) so I’m going to sit and stare at the view for awhile, sip my lemon, honey, ginger tea and nibble on some veggie pakora… until later…

Xxo,

Dirty

Lady Xanax - Adventures in India Travel

Written immediately after arriving in Dharamkot

19, July 2011

I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a seasoned traveler, especially if you compare me to a majority of the people I’ve met during my visits to various continents but I’m definitely not one of those too fearful or scared to uproot their normal routine in the US to not venture into the wild of the world.  I can say, in my limited travel experience I absolutely ABHORE touristy places.  Touristy places have been added to my list of 5 star resorts of places I don’t care to see whilst exploring the world and I’m glad they are there for the people who feel that is the way to travel but not me, no way, no how. 

My time in Rishikesh came to a close yesterday afternoon and while I don’t think I was fully prepared for the tearful good byes, last conversations with those I care very deeply but once the wonderful faces I came to love started to leave I felt like I couldn’t get out of Rishikesh fast enough.  The last weekend was the beginning of what used to be a huge spiritual festival for Shiva and people, predominately younger guys looking to party, sporting tiny orange shorts that hid NOTHING, and their bright orange shirts w/ Shiva’s face plastered all over them flooded our little haven of holiness.  I spoke to Sanjay on our motorbike ride to see his guru who runs and lives in a guest house just inside Lakshman Jhula and he said that the spirituality has completely disappeared and now it’s just a bunch of people coming to the city to have fun and party with their friends.  Now I wouldn’t exactly say it was like Vegas considering Rishikesh is not only alcohol free but you can’t even get a meat dish to eat but I’m sure hash was smoked by the masses.  Part of the celebration is to walk from wherever you live, grab a bunch of water from the Holy Ganga and dispense some up the mountain at the Shiva temple and take more back with you to your home, on foot.  It was MADNESS!

Seeing the guru was a different experience, which I won’t discuss here but it was a nice way to end my stay in Rishikesh and it was nice to spend some time with Sanjay because as little as we interacted, I felt drawn to him and really appreciated and enjoyed his morning asana practices.  He is a kind soul and has a wonderful smile and spoke with us all without condescension.  Jade and I gave ourselves 2 hours to get to the bus station in Rishikesh proper thinking we could just walk all our tons of shit across the Ram Jhula bridge, grab a tuktuk and be good to go.  Oh no… thanks to the festival, it was actually and very surprisingly not too crazy getting out of Ram Jhula but where there are usually hundreds of tuktuks waiting to charge westerners too much for a 2km ride, there were NONE!  We had to haul all our shit up the hill and walk another 1km or so and were welcomed by a bunch of tuktuk drivers wanting to charge the 2 of us 150INR for what would usually cost 5INR each.  Strong and angry words were spoken and finally we found a guy who would shove the two of us, and our shit, into a an already packed tuktuk w/ an adorable and very friendly little family.  One of the older woman offered to grab my “smaller” bag and hold it in her lap for me as I half sat on the already ridiculously tiny seat and half hung out the tuktuk door, gripping onto my 1ton bag for dear life so it wouldn’t fall on anyone.  Jade somehow managed to get herself and her monster back in this thing too.  If I didn’t think I’d fall out of the tuktuk into oncoming or passing traffic, I would’ve documented.  Oh and I should add, all of the tuktuk drivers tried to tell us we were wanting to go somewhere we didn’t want to go.  Haridwar, Dehardun and only god knows where else they said they were going to take us.  We had to actually yell at them as the 3-4 tuktuk drivers were around us all spouting we were wrong and needed to go elsewhere.  I yelled, “LOOK!!  THIS *pointed to my ticket* IS WHERE WE NEED TO GO! NO WHERE ELSE! Can you do that and not for 150INR!  We’re not stupid, this drive normally costs 5INR from 1km BACK!”  That’s when the one guy chuckled and said, “OH, you want to go to Shiva temple to catch the bus to Dharamsala?”  “YES!  That’s what we’ve been saying for the past 5 minutes!”

Jade and I get dropped off at a gas station and I see no Shiva Temple so we, and all our shit, are standing on the street corner looking confused and also terrified that any of the busses we see across the street are what we’re going to have to take.  The busses in India are NOTHING like the shear luxury that is Cruz del Sur in Peru.  We ask some gentleman also just chillin at the gas station if we’re in the correct place and he points to a random, unmarked waiting room that’s a tiny building on the side of a restaurant and are told it will be another out.  Jade and I meet a very sweet girl, Uma, from South Korea who came to India 5 years ago after getting her heart broken and has seemed to get stuck in various places for whatever reason… love, dance, yoga, meditation. There were a few Israeli people, one girl who was SMOKIN and after a few other sightings of the many Israeli people here, I’ve decided I need to go there. J  About 10 of us waiting in this weird little waiting room and all of a sudden a tiny Jeep comes up and the guy hops out and says, “Ok, the bus is 1km away. Come.”  He throws all our monster bags on the roof and we somehow manage to cram every inch of this car with us and all our stuff and as soon as the doors are closed he yells to the back, “100INR each!”  I’m glad to know I’m not the only one with some aggression in this place and one if the Israeli girls yells at him, “NO!  We are NOT paying you anything!  This is where we were told to go and we bought our bus ticket.  WE ARE NOT PAYING YOU!”  The driver gets out and looks flustered and we’re all about to get out, grab our shit and trudge through the crazy india traffic to get ourselves to the train until he gets back into the car, chuckles and says, “ok, let’s go. No charge.”  AH! 

We get dropped off at the back of the bus and there are a bunch of India dudes just chillin, shootin the shit and we all sit in the middle of the street or precariously on the edge of this ledge where below is a stream of the grosses looking urban sludge you could imagine.  All of a sudden a guy who we thought was in charge hops on a motorbike, says, “be back soon” and takes off.  Our bus was supposed to leave at 4, it’s now 4:30…oh india time, how I love you.  None of us know what’s going on so we do what everyone in India does best, just sits there.  About 20-30 minutes later he arrives again and we’re allowed to put our luggage into the back of the bus and board.  The buses are very simple and I’d almost like to compare them to school buses in the states but there are 2 bucket seats next to each other on either side of the aisle, they do recline and there is a small storage compartment above our heads.  This is apparently the luxury buses in India and no, I didn’t have high expectations.  I’ve come to understand the best way to enjoy your time in India is to have zero expectations at all, maybe even on the boarder of low expectations.  For $21 it wasn’t bad BUT if we want to compare countries, Cruz del Sur in Peru, Daddy and I got bus tickets from Lima to Huacachina for just over $30 for the luxury seating, which are like first class seats in planes, you get food service, there are bathrooms on the buses, as opposed to hopping off, running to the muddy, potentially shitty side of the road (you can’t tell because it’s pitch black outside) to cop a squat and do your business.  There are also movies and A/C in Peru, in India, you’re lucky to get a working fan and windows that open by your seat.  Note, this was a deluxe bus, the public bus, from what I hear, is more like a school bus.

The first part of our journey, once we finally left, was beautiful.  We left the busy hub of Rishikesh and made our way through various small towns.  The sun was setting as a HUGE deep pink orb behind the corn fields and mountains, the air was getting more crisp and less shit and exhaust filled and it was really pleasant, especially since it wasn’t fully booked and Jade and I each had our own row. Once the sun was down I decided there wasn’t much need to be conscious anymore. Thanks to the lovely over the counter medical stores in India, I popped my lady xanax and within moments I was chill as ever and a moment later, I passed out, not to wake again until the sun was rising over the Himalayas and we were only an hour from McLeod Ganj. We get to McLeod Ganj, which is upper Dharamsala where the Dalai Lama lives when he’s here and it is touristy as hell and I’m hoping to god the Iyengar center isn’t here.  It felt like Lakshman Jhula but busier and dirtier, which I didn’t think possible.  I’m still groggy from the xanax so I let Jade attempt to take the reins on where we’re going but neither of us really know and god knows it’s a crap shoot believing any Indian.  Uma thought the Himalayan Iyengar Center was in Bhagsu but upon getting a tuktuk to take us there we ask the driver and he says, ‘Oh no, it’s in Dharamkot.”  Shit, that sounds familiar and thanks to the center’s website for going down a few days ago, we didn’t have info on exactly directions but that sounded familiar.  Our tuktuk driver rolls his eyes, charges 3 times more than we were originally going to get charged but we’re off in the other direction.  Jade finds this adorable guest house that has HOT WATER and really kind manager.  We ate at the little café a few doors down and I proceeded to take my first hot shower in months… HEAVEN!  Oh AND my text messaging works in the mountains.  Yes! 

Signing out – from beautiful, non sticky Dharamkot

Xxxo

Dirty – not really J

Lessons from the Mat #3 - Universe in You

The last week has proven to be, probably, one of the most uneventful weeks of my life, unless you count doing yoga on the roof during a monsoon with my lovely friends.  Last Wednesday I got hit with the India bug, also known ass, peeing out of your ass at a moments notice and sometimes violently barfing.  It’s been so wonderful!  I thought it was all done and over with, I actually managed to attend one yoga class and did a few of my own personal practices but I dunno, maybe it was doing yoga in the midst of highly toxic rain (apparently it’s not safe to expose yourself to the rain the first few weeks of monsoon season since the air in this country is ripe will all sorts of things not right), maybe it was drinking some funky, yet deliciously alcoholic, kombucha or maybe, just maybe, it was deciding a lunch of coffee, valium, cheese naan and this ice cream wonderfulness called “Hello to the Queen” would be a phenomenal idea… oh and top that all with some retarded emotional stress I’m putting myself through.  I think it all was a recipe for disaster.  I can say, I have not felt warm water in the almost 5 weeks I’ve been here but alas, thanks to me visiting the lil ladies room about once every 5 minutes, I found out where the warm water goes - straight to my bidet attached to my toilet!  If I can’t have a hot, or even warm, shower at least my asshole is getting a blast of warm H2O every now and then with the force so strong I’m sure at times I gave myself an enema.  Don’t think I’m above contemplation of capturing some of it to throw on my body during my shower but the thought of getting water from the toilet to douse over my body was a bit too much to stomach.  I mean, I was already retching violently out of both ends, I didn’t want to make it worse.  I'm thankful I don't have a squatter in my bathroom.  I've barely been able to sit up because i'm so weak, can you imagine, my western ass w/ tight calves trying to hover over a hole in the ground on my tip toes 4 times in the middle of the night?  A fall into the unmentionable would've been inevitable.  *shivers at the thought* 

That all being said, I’ve had TONS of time laying in bed, sleeping mostly, or half gazing at my computer w/ half open eyes, but I’ve been thinking a lot too.  I’ve been reflecting on my life, where I’m going next, where I just came from, what I want out of my life, what I’m willing and not willing to sacrifice, the kinds of people I want to surround myself with, how much I could make each year at different price points for my inevitable personal training/yoga instructor future, why does the bidet get the warm water, will I ever stop peeing out of my ass?  You know… all really deep thoughts. J  It seemed a perfect time to compile the 3^rd installment of “Lessons from the Mat” although, not all were from the mat.  The bathroom is a place for deep contemplation too, right?

Lessons from the Mat #3

• There is no one God to judge us in the end.  In our true self, our consciousness, we are all God.
• You will never know the “you” that you think I am but you have always known the “you” that I am…
• To love yourself is not to change your body, it’s to change your mind.
• The whole universe exists within you.  Ask all from yourself – Rumi

Chew on those for a little while…

Xxxo

Skeletor… I mean, Dirty ;)

The Big Summit

I’m going to change things up a bit, which may happen a few times as I figure out just how I want to write this blog o mine.  The thought of keeping a chronological account of my adventures bores me to tears and it’s why I haven’t really written much as of late.  You know, I do lots and lots of yoga.  My life is about experiences that make stories, I like to tell stories, so I may as well write them!  So that’s what I’m going to do… as I feel the urge to tell a story of one of my adventures, I’ll document, post and all will be grand.  There is no particular order to things but then again, why should there be?  This is my blog!  So here we gooooo!

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Just out my window adjacent to my bed, I can gaze out and see just on the other side of our building one of the foothills of the Himalayas and perched on the side is Trayambakeshwar Temple.  It’s a 13 story Hindu temple that, per the wikitravel page, is supposed to have a different deity on each floor and I’ve been dying to check it out.  Now when I say “dying to check it out” I don’t mean I’d go so far as to wander into the scorching dermis penetrating rays of the Indian summer sun.  I may have become one w/ my sweating but I certainly will take every shady, sitting under a ceiling fan moment I can get so I maybe only need 3 showers in a day, versus 4+.  Yes, I really do shower that often.  Lucky for my seattle ass, the monsooning has arrived and the days have gotten about ten degrees cooler and one fine, cloudy, humid day, Ali and I decided to head up to the temple and see what glory sit just beyond our ashram.  I see Ali getting all prepared with her hefty walking shoes and she exclaims, “ok, I’m ready for our hike!”  I look at her like she’s nuts, which is not an uncommon look I shoot her direction.  “Hike?? What are you talking about?  It’s like a 5 minute walk down the street,” I question.  “Do you see that up there?  That’s where we’re going and it’s UP a hill so damn right that’s a hike!”

 I immediately think about my mom and her avid hiking adventures.  She took my sisters on one and I was waiting for some glorious summit at the top of some mountain but after about an hour, I don’t think we ascended more than 5 feet, in fact, I think we DESCENDED and my adrenaline junky ass whined, “mom, this isn’t a hike!  This is a walk!  Just because we’re surrounded by trees and the ground isn’t paved, doesn’t mean we’re hiking.”  I’m a bit of a brat, but then again, I don’t even think I really hike.  I went on a hike w/ the NPTI peeps last year up Mailbox Peak, which is the most difficult hike in the Washington State Trail Association book, unless you want to count Camp Muir (I had to go to the ER after that climb – that you dehydration) and summiting Mt. Rainier, and Adria and I practically made it a race to the top.  Actually, when we made it to the top, ate our lunch, sat and looked into the abyss of clouds, knowing there was some glorious view of the plateau below us, froze and made our way back down, as we passed our other friends we exclaimed, “We want to do this again… but for TIME!”  Fucking lactic acid endurance athletes we are. 

That all explains the look of pure ridiculousness I shoot at Ali.  We exit through our courtyard and walk down the street and she’s still moaning about the impending climb, granted she has good reason because of past issues w/ her lungs and such BUT, we do get to a break in the road where it turns to gravel and there is a wee bit of a climb.  I turn to her and say, “ok, I guess we are kinda hiking.”  As we walk a few meters and round a corner there is a family sitting in their cinderblock house, with its roof covered in plastic, held down by more bricks, cooking up something delicious over an open fire pit.  Their clothes, newly soaked from the rain, hanging to dry and they really look to be enjoying themselves.  We discreetly snap a few pics and turn to head up the hill some more and low and behold, THERE is the temple!  “WTF, that was it?!  It’s THAT close?!” I ask. 

We figure out where the entrance is and walk up the most unsafe, lopsided, crumbling, randomly designed stairs I’ve ever seen, ring the bell, take off our shoes, walk in and obviously look like we know not a thing of what to do because we’re looking around lost and aimless.  The adorable old man working greets us, says few words, blesses us, give us a bindi and away all 3 of us go.  I want to take pics of the entry ways of the stairs because the colors and the light are just brilliant but he keeps shooing us to head up the stairs so away we went.  We get to the 1^st floor and lil old man says, “see, Shiva!” wait for it wai…. “ok, go” and he shoos us again.  Next floor, “see, Shiva and the snake!” wait for it wa…. “ok go!”  This man is on a mission to get us to the top as quickly as possible and Ali is starting to huff and puff.  We get to the next floor and it has a square of bells and a few more deities and the view is absolutely breath taking!  You can see Rishikesh, all of Ram Jhula and Laxsman Jhula, the Ganga and to the back of us, more the hillside as clouds drift through the trees.  We of course want to stop and take pictures, lil old cute man wants us to keep going so up and up and up we go.  More colorful statues of deities, more hurrying us to the next until we get to the top.  He blesses us again, we eat a sweet treat and then we just sit.  Ali doesn’t know what to do with herself and says, “ok so this was nice let’s go.” The old man stops her and says, “you know shanti, yes? Shanti? SHANTI?”  Shanti means “peace” in Sanskrit.  I look at Ali and mumble, “simmer your shit woman and relax a little! PEACE!  What else do we have to do right now?”  So we sit and stare at each other a little bit, take a few pictures and I’m picking up the antsy vibe from the lady to my right so we get up to leave the little room that has another colorful three-dimensional wall hanging of Shiva’s wedding and the little man who just wanted us to chill a moment.  More pictures are taken, the views are taken in and it was really lovely until… dirty man.

I’ve been warned about the disgusting behavior of some, obviously not all, of the men in India.  Right now, we’re approaching the biggest religious festival in Rishikesh so there is a rather large influx of visitors to the holy city.  We’re rounding the bottom floor that provides a view and some revolting man goes to stick his hand out and grab Ali’s waist.  Mind you, Ali is a cop in Fort Collins, she’s buff as shit and while has the most adorable dimples and smile ever, she can also give you a death stare.  She’s also had 5 years of Krav Maga training along with whatever hand-to-hand fighting the force puts her through.  She is NOT to be fucked with.  He misses her waist and grabs part of her bag and she keeps walking and tells me about what just happened.  From that point forward, the mood changed, his ugly face was mean muggin us and per the recommendation of other female travelers we’re with, we mean mug him right back.  At this point she’s telling me about her fighting training and I’m remembering a conversation I had w/ the woman I briefly dated upon returning from Africa, Smokin Hot Mariah, who while was smoking hot was also socially retarded, and I told her I wanted to learn Krav Maga and she gave me a look of complete disapproval and did the whole, “violence isn’t going to work, people are genuinely nice.”  I didn’t pass up learning because of her, it was more the fact I really only had 2 months and what the hell would I pick up in that short amount of time.  BUT, never listen to anyone who has never traveled outside the US.  If I need to kill a bitch or at least show a bitch I have the potential to kill them if I’m put in a place of threat, I want to be able to do just that!

It’s uncomfortable, we leave and mean mugs are exchanged as we make a wide turn around him back down the stairs.  We head out a different way and as we are coming down the hill and Ali is showing me a few Krav moves and explaining some various positions she says, “oh shit, they’re coming down the stairs.”  Ugly fuck has 2 friends with him and I lose focus on what she’s saying completely and start to freak out.  She’s talking some more about stuff and still demonstrating and out of the corner of my eye I see them pick up their speed a bit when we do.  “I have a feeling you may be giving a live demonstration soon, Ali.”  We pickup our pace more and ahead of us are two younger guys, probably in their early 20’s, who talked with us a bit at the temple.  We yell for them to wait up and start small chit chat to take us the rest of the way to our place.  I’ve already mapped out in my head a route we could go where the assholes  wouldn’t know where we were staying, in the event it was needed.  We turn the corner to the main road and we lost them.  Phew!  Back to our little ashram yoga bubble for the rest of the day!

Later that night, after our blissful yoga practice with Manoj, I learned how to break a person’s arm and hip thrust someone off me if they tried to pin me to the ground… oh yeah, and break someone’s neck. J

Oh India…

Xxxo

Dirty

M.I.A.

I'm alive, I haven't felt like writing, quite honestly, and what little I've written isn't material for the public.  I'm deep in contemplation, debating and will most likely welcome temptations, reading like a crazy woman, as Zimmer says, "barfing out of both ends," spending lots of time with my new friends at the Ashram, planning my next phase of adventures with new friends, reading some more, exploring, white water rafting, getting terrified every time I see a stupid red monkey, trying, sometimes successfully, sometimes not, to avoid the internet, crashing wedding receptions, gingerly tip toeing through poo puddles, while screaming like a little girl, during monsoons, watching magnificent sunsets over the Himalayan foothills, waking up to the sounds of chanting in the hills, being kept awake by amplified chanting for a kids first haircut, eating hummus and Hail to the Queens, watching carnivorous ants take the dead crickets out of my room, thinking of Number 2 because this place screams her so it's hard to keep thoughts of her from swirling in my mind, reading even more and you know, doing lots and lots of yoga...duh! *breathes*  Oh, I've been doing lots of that too!

Life is good... =)

When I care to elaborate, I will until then...

Na-MAST-ee BITCHES!
xxxo,
Dirty