Listen

There is something about the sounds around you that are beautiful and like nothing you’ll ever hear again, because they are there, with you, at that very moment sharing the same experience and their vibrations with you.  The low hum of the air conditioning, the squeak of the rails on the train tracks, the defunct door on the other end of the corridor sliding an inch one way and then the other, the quiet voice and hiccups of the little thai girl behind me, they are all so wonderful.  I’m on the express (not the kind of “express” we’re used to, in fact, the opposite of it) overnight train 51 from Bangkok to Lamphun Thailand and with only 2 more hours of my journey left, I’m not exactly sure where I am.  Before leaving I spent a record amount of time in Pitnap Plaza in Bangkok purchasing the only electronics I’ve had on my list since I started traveling: hair clippers, 1TB external hard drive and 2GB RAM for my netbook.  Now when I say record time, I don’t mean I set a record by living there all day, which I could have very easily done in a complex that is probably 20 times the size of Best Buy, and it looked like the plethora of orange robed monks were doing just that, but I hit every floor of this 7 story building and managed to get all 3 items in less than 30 minutes.  This place is an electronic nerds wet dream, filled with cameras of all kinds, cheap pirated DVDs, CDs and computer software and games, projectors, TVs, computers, accessories for all those things.  Basically, if it has a power button, it’s sold in any number of the privately owned shops that cover all the square footage of this place.  Not exactly the way I should be spending my day before checking into Vipassana but then again, I’m not known for easing myself into that retreat.  At least I didn’t end up in the throes of passion with a ridiculously beautiful Israeli Paratrooper this time around, with a wicked hang over to tend to while waiting for registration like with my first Vipassana experience in Dharamsala, India last August.  Sensory overload, while still a bit maddening, is a way better transition than my former experience.

I spent the afternoon yesterday acquiring SO MUCH amazing and incredible music for my journey north but now that I’m awake and here, all I feel like doing is listening to whatever sounds surround me.  This seems to be a trend for me and while in Goa, it was also for safety reasons, I just REALLY enjoy being right where I am and not dazed off into some other world, which is what music does for me.  For the first time I just saw lotus flowers, in their natural, wild state, growing majestically from the sludge pond that rests just below the train tracks.  There was a Thai person wearing cloth all around their face and a straw hat atop his/her head while riding a rusted bicycle down a dirt path.  Two shirtless men were chest deep in the aforementioned sludge pond pulling up what looked like a fishing net and just a few track strides down, another man, fully clothed, dug around in the middle of a patch of lotus flowers for only he knows what.  The houses lining the tracks vary greatly from straw shacks on the ground, to wooden houses on stilts elevated 8 feet off the ground, to more elaborate abodes as we approach main train stations.  Rice paddies cover a majority of the farm land and everything is so lush and green, despite the fact that outside my air conditioned bubble, it’s already 90+ degrees outside at only 10am.  I can tell I’m already preparing my mindset for Vipassana, the land of complete and total presence.  The land where you’re so present you notice the tiniest sounds, the smallest creatures and for entertainment, you feed the ants.  It was hilarious to find out that a majority of the women on my last Vipassana course fed the ants during our meals and watched them, either solo or in a team, carry the food away that we provided. 

My brief time in Bangkok was wonderful in non-tourist aspects, because I spent a lot of time in my friend’s house just relaxing and mentally adjusting to living a different type of life than the last 4 months.  It provided some insight on how things will be for me whenever I do go back home to live, verses for a visit.  Some of the challenges quickly exposed themselves and I have a clearer idea of what I will need to do to proactively prepare myself for my return to the US.  I’m not too incredibly focused on that now of course, since I have about another year I’d like to be gone, but it’s good things to realize so I can tuck them back into my mind for when I will need it later. 

Going into Vipassana now I feel stronger, mentally and emotionally, I feel I’m more aware of myself, I feel I can fully let go and let the experience be whatever it is supposed to be for me.  I guess that goes not only for Vipassana but for every aspect of this path I’m treading at the moment.  I’ve accomplished some personal feats that I’m proud of, taking steps I need to for myself, making personal declarations and having the self discipline to see them through, being more mindful, open and accepting.  I’ve improved at asking better questions when I don’t understand something instead of making assumptions based on my own perspective.  These next 10 days, I’ll take the strength and self discipline I’ve learned  to new levels.  I’m going in with no expectations for what the days will hold for me; although, I will say I’m VERY thankful they are letting me bring rehydration salts with me because while I’m not having expectations for my practice, I DO have realistic expectations I will be sweating… A LOT.  Anyone who has been with me on any hospital visit or the love on the other end of the phone when I’ve had heat stroke or severe dehydration know how bad I can get, even with being careful!  I’m going to take all the love I have within myself and the love so many of my dear friends have shared with me and do the best I can with patience, acceptance and understanding. 

On a less serious note - I almost fell into the hole in the bathroom while the train was moving.  For anyone who follows me on Instagram (I don't post all my photos to twitter or FB) will see what the bathroom sitch is and the hole that doesn't go into a murky pool of liquid but straight to the rocks and tracks below.  While in a deep squat, which 98.7% of american's probably can't even get into, it's already hard enough to balance but when going from stationary to a sudden jerk of movement, it's downright terrifying when what's below your butt is a metal hole.  I'd like to thank the one "oh shit" handle bar on the side of the bathroom for helping me brace myself and my muscle spasm back for it's apparent 90% healed status and letting my abs engage so I didn't end up in a big oops of nasty.  Holy... shit!

I’ll see you all on the other side and for now, I want to get back to listening to the squeaky train and watching the rural Thai world fly by my window.

Love anicca in all its transitory glory…
xxxox

Dirty