Cry Cab, kinda like Cash Cab, only less money and more tears

I don't think it's possible to fully convey the difficulty I'm having wrapping my brain around what I've experienced the past few months and I don't think anyone would understand, excluding who have lived with me, and even then, those who understand, are in the same boat I'm in.  I just spent the last few hours talking about EVERYTYHING with Tessa about our project, the way things went this round, the things that went wrong, why, what we'd like to see, what we love being a part of, what we love most, the direction we'd like to see things move, why things are the way they are in ZA and quite frankly, the rest of the world for that matter (speaking about race relations, specifically), our sadness about little tiny kids being scared of us because they think us superior because we are white, the racial dynamic of southern africa, etc.  I love that girl - badly and I don't think I can say enough how wonderful it is to travel with her and Megan.  My brain is buzzing and I'm feeling rather insane but if it wasn't, I think something would be very wrong.  


So.much.to.process!  I feel like I need to spend a day in belgium and just hide and write and try to come up with something but I'll probably fail, miserably, just like I have time and time again every time I've opened Trixie to type.  I know I'll be expectationally bad at it now since I was drunk before lunch, tired by lunch, drunk/tired after lunch, tired before dinner, drunk before dinner, dinner happened kinda and now, I'm just tired... so goes for a day of drinking wine since 10am.  At some point within that I sent 2 text messages back to Lesotho, one to Tomaki to get Sorghum's phone number for Tess and one to send a text to Rosemary to say hi, that I missed her, was on my way to europe tomorrow and that I'd message her when I returned to the states.  On the cab ride back to Rodebosch I looked at my temp phone and saw I had a message in my inbox - "Jess i miz u so much. Jess when will i see u? love u."  It took all the energy I had at that moment to not cry to Rosemary's response.


Hash, hash, hash and rehash... I hope one day I'll be able to fully share what I'm feeling and what I've seen, which has caused me to feel the way I do... I really do.  I will say this, especially since I'm jumping on a plane tomorrow to head back to Joburg to jump on a plane to Paris to jump on a train to Bruges...I feel like a giant white asshole pig.